Discerning adoption?

It was suggested I post here vs. Prayer Intentions…
Hello,

I’m posting in the search for advice or any possible guidance on discernment, particularly discerning adoption. Perhaps I can clarify, while simultaneously broadening the focus a bit. How does one discern an important life path/decision such as adoption (or others!), when there’s the specific muddling from an extremely high human emotional state? Discerning the adoption of an infant, after a couple has not conceived themselves for multiple years, could easily be muddled by “human baby fever”, in my opinion. Or am I overthinking this?

More backstory… My wife and I have been married just over 3 years now. The 1st year we were of course open to life, but “focused on our marriage” and other new personal life changes/events. We practiced NFP. Then starting Year 2, we began more actively TTC. So it’s now been 2 years of TTC, but no result yet. Testing and doctor visits later, we’ve discovered zero medical reason for infertility. I personally feel in my heart of hearts that our time will come and God will make it happen. There’s no medical reason for lacking a positive conception, but perhaps logical ones, tying into our potential lack in the degree of TTC. There’s been lots of stress and roadblocks in the last 2 years, both marital and external. I’ll leave it at that for now. I don’t personally see any reason why we can’t conceive, ourselves, naturally.

I apologize for this now lengthier post. I wish to be thorough before comments arise though… Fast forward to a week ago, when my wife calls me multiple times from work and I answer, hoping everything is okay. Turns out she’s ecstatic and saying “we have a baby.” She’s very excited about this opportunity that just came up where a coworker has a 16 y-o daughter who has become pregnant very unexpectedly. The family instantly thought of us apparently, and although this is very sudden and nothing is inked or plans set in stone, this is certainly an opportunity, if we should discern it our path. My wife seems much more impulsively running down this yellow brick road pathway, but I am more cautious and find it very necessary to pray for some time (hopefully together) and properly discern.

How do we discern this situation/opportunity, being able to decipher through human “emotionality”, “baby fever”, and deep urges, to God’s will and a desire that comes from Him?

For myself, I feel the greatest thing I struggle with is the “changing of Plans”. Our plan has always been one thing, so is it really wrong that this opportunity would most certainly change our plans immensely? I need to clarify that we are very open to life and very pro/open to adoption by all means. We’ve discussed this openness to adoption back when we were dating. I myself, am one of multiple adopted siblings even. I think I have a fear that if we “take” this opportunity, my wife will then want to go back to NFP and not actively TTC again for a couple years, because of this “guaranteed baby” and preferring not two infants at once.

Thank you to anyone who did read this lengthy post. And I appreciate any and all advice, pointers to resources, prayers, etc.

As someone whose relative has adopted two children…slow down!

First, this isn’t the 1960’s. The mother, and the father have rights. Maybe your wife’s co-worker is on board. But it’s her daughter, and the baby’s father, who will make the decision.

And, how many times can a 16-year old change her mind? Quite often. Even my relative’s first child’s adoption was delayed because the natural mother, who was an adult, delivered on Mother’s day, and felt, for a time, that it would be wrong to give up her baby.

Usually, adoptive parents have to take ‘parenting classes’. And, grading and approval are not guaranteed. I don’t know for sure, but many things can impede the process. Possibly, even political views.

One of the few good things I’ve heard about the men’s rights movement, is that it gave natural fathers rights that they lacked before. Are you sure that the natural father, or his parents, won’t want to raise the child?

It’s no longer a ‘quick, covert, embarrassment-saving process’. The grandparents don’t have the right to take the baby, to give to the couple of their choice. The mother, father, and all grandparents have to be on board. So, you and your wife are going to have lots of things to discuss.

I tend to agree with you, at this point. Two years isn’t that long. Especially, now that you’ve both been diagnosed as having no apparent fertility problems.

I wish the best for all involved. God Bless!

Oh…if I sounded harsh, at first, it’s because I’m sickened by the way many adoptions used to be handled…and, yes, to an extent, the way they’re handled today. No, I have no solutions, and I certainly love my young relatives. But, so far, I don’t care for many adoption processes.

I think you may be overthinking this a bit.
God gives us strong urges, and in the case of wanting a child, it’s very natural. A child needs a home, and parents would like to raise a baby.
talk it over at length with your wife and with the family and girl and the father of the child. See how everyone feels and what their expectations are.

It’s true that your wife may want to delay getting pregnant for a couple of years, but that is because raising two infants is not easy. Two or three years between children is ideal, IMO.
of course, often once a child is adopted,. the parents find themselves pregnant soon after. It would not be the end of the world.
Keep in mind adoption is expensive if you go to an agency. I don’t want to talk about money, but we were foster-adopt parents because we couldn’t have afforded the costs of an infant adoption.

But discuss open vs closed adoptions as well, and pray.
God bless.

Hello,

I’m posting here, in the search for advice or any possible guidance on discernment, particularly discerning adoption. Perhaps I can clarify, while simultaneously broadening the focus a bit. How does one discern an important life path/decision such as adoption (or others!), when there’s the specific muddling from an extremely high human emotional state? Discerning the adoption of an infant, after a couple has not conceived themselves for multiple years, could easily be muddled by “human baby fever”, in my opinion. Or am I overthinking this?

More backstory… My wife and I have been married just over 3 years now. The 1st year we were of course open to life, but “focused on our marriage” and other new personal life changes/events. We practiced NFP. Then starting Year 2, we began more actively TTC. So it’s now been 2 years of TTC, but no result yet. Testing and doctor visits later, we’ve discovered zero medical reason for infertility. I personally feel in my heart of hearts that our time will come and God will make it happen. There’s no medical reason for lacking a positive conception, but perhaps logical ones, tying into our potential lack in the degree of TTC. There’s been lots of stress and roadblocks in the last 2 years, both marital and external. I’ll leave it at that for now. I don’t personally see any reason why we can’t conceive, ourselves, naturally.

I apologize for this now lengthier post. I wish to be thorough before comments arise though… Fast forward to a week ago, when my wife calls me multiple times from work and I answer, hoping everything is okay. Turns out she’s ecstatic and saying “we have a baby.” She’s very excited about this opportunity that just came up where a coworker has a 16 y-o daughter who has become pregnant very unexpectedly. The family instantly thought of us apparently, and although this is very sudden and nothing is inked or plans set in stone, this is certainly an opportunity, if we should discern it our path. My wife seems much more impulsively running down this yellow brick road pathway, but I am more cautious and find it very necessary to pray for some time (hopefully together) and properly discern.

How do we discern this situation/opportunity, being able to decipher through human “emotionality”, “baby fever”, and deep urges, to God’s will and a desire that comes from Him?

For myself, I feel the greatest thing I struggle with is the “changing of Plans”. Our plan has always been one thing, so is it really wrong that this opportunity would most certainly change our plans immensely? I need to clarify that we are very open to life and very pro/open to adoption by all means. We’ve discussed this openness to adoption back when we were dating. I myself, am one of multiple adopted siblings even. I think I have a fear that if we “take” this opportunity, my wife will then want to go back to NFP and not actively TTC again for a couple years, because of this “guaranteed baby” and preferring not two infants at once.

Thank you to anyone who did read this lengthy post. And I appreciate any and all advice, pointers to resources, prayers, etc.

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There’s the old story that if you can’t have a baby yourself, then adopt and you’ll be pregnant before you know it. Well, it actually happened to a friend of mine years ago.
I don’t know that I can offer you advice except to say parenting is wonderfully hard. Children are such a blessing. I would do it all over again if I could. I now have three grandkids including a set of twins. I love them so and have never felt more loved. God Bless. You’re in my prayers.

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This is a prayer forum … the family life forum would be more appropriate for this thread.

But being you are here, I would say that this situation seems like a blessing for you and your wife … and you can always continue to try to have your own children … just try to come to an agreement that you will continue to try to become pregnant after the adoption. I’ve known more than one person who became pregnant pretty quickly after adopting … seems to be that the stress is relieved and nature takes over.

2 Likes

Good Luck.

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Cannot give advise on the forum, its for prayes. I was once flagged for this before, giving advise. That said, may our Father help your wife and you as a couple to find the best course of action. Find the right path for you and your new family. Father may this couple walk strong in your footsteps and continue to walk strong as family with child. In your name, Jesus amen!

Uhh…I’m reading this in the ‘family life’ forum. And that’s where I gave my opinion yesterday. Is this a double post?

My past wishes, prayers, and advice stand. But, are we all supposed to be reading this? I’m not going to report this, as most people look on that in a negative way.

I apologize. Sorry, I’m a newbie poster here. Somebody had said this should be posted in Family Life here instead of the original posting, so I took that as a recommendation to cross post. I can take one or both of them down, if that’s wished/needed.

Whoops, yeah, looks like a mod already removed the other post and combined them here I think?

I do want to thank you for your in-depth response. It’s much appreciated. I didn’t take it as harsh at first at all. I totally agree how many aspects of adoption agency processing and policy have had lacking measures in the past, and even currently too, as you said.

I just need to take it slow. And pray. Thank you, and all other responders, for your advice and prayers. :pray:

Thanks. And, fwiw, your post is still on the prayer intentions section. And, I still hope and pray you and your wife will have the family you want.

God Bless!!!

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