Discerning again, but don't know how things will work out


#1

I posted [thread=353938]last week[/thread] talking about the retreat I was going to, that I was quite nervous about.

Well, I did since attend that retreat, and have come back, and am so glad that I went.

I think I mentioned that I felt like many things were shifting in my life. My priorities were shifting and I felt like God was slowly shaping my life. I also felt like the retreat would play a key role in all of that. I still feel that I am right about that.

Last November/December, I was posting around CAF saying that I felt called to the priesthood. I threw myself completely into studying the Bible and the Church’s teachings, and absolutely loved it.

But I ended up suppressing it, thinking I should give music another chance. I’m also a pianist, and I thought that I should try to develop that gift as much as possible through the classical training I received in the music school.

Well it didn’t really work out. I tried to throw myself into music, since the music major, especially for performance, is a very hectic major requiring one’s full attention and dedication. My prayer life suffered as a consequence, and predictably, I gradually stopped going to mass.

Things started building up on me, because I was unable to put into music what the music performance major required. I eventually withdrew from the university, planning to transfer somewhere else, but just needing to recover from that whole situation.

It took me a while to once again approach my relationship with God and reignite my faith. Well I guess not all that long; it was about a month or so after leaving the university. I gradually found that same fire that I felt within me last year.

I knew I had to go to this retreat. Those old thoughts from last year were gradually coming back to me, though I was still fighting them off a bit. I had thought, after recovering from the disaster that was last semester, that I could deal with those issues and try music again, maybe with a less rigorous schedule for now.

This retreat helped me to realize several things:

[list]
*]I love and am dedicated to God more than anything else in this world
*]I have the great desire to serve God in the best way I am able to
*]I’m unable to put my full time and attention into music because it’s simply not my primary love.
[/list]

I know a few music majors, and their entire lives are all music. There’s just no time for anything else, and it takes a lot of dedication and undivided attention.

So, those thoughts of discernment are arising again, and I am allowing them to.

It is so complicated though. I am a baptized Catholic, and I have gone to confession, but because of what happened last semester, I did not finish RCIA, and so was not confirmed nor received first Holy Communion.

I have no desire to go back to Duquesne University, where I was before, because I feel that their theology is too liberal and I don’t want that to inadvertently influence my views for the worse.

The problem is that most think I am way too young in the faith to be discerning much of anything right now. But I have to do something in college. Obviously if I do enter seminary, it won’t be until after I earn a degree.

So I really want to study either theology or philosophy. I am also looking into transferring to somewhere like Franciscan University of Steubenville.

So many things are up in the air right now though, and I don’t know how they will be resolved. FUS has a pre-theologate program for those who are discerning a vocation to the priesthood or religious life, but I don’t know if I’d be accepted into it because of my circumstances. I am a little frustrated and fearful. I am afraid of financial aid being affected if I can’t get into the university for the fall semester. I’m afraid of making another mistake, though I don’t feel like I am. The more I think about it, the more excited I am and the more certain.

I know this is just a lot of rambling, but I had to let all of this out, and ask for your prayers once more. I feel like God is working in my life somehow, but I really hope that everything is going to work out.

I’m considering using my musical ability to learn some hymns and maybe try to get a job playing at a church to help support myself and help in paying for tuition. I don’t know if that will work out or not, either.

I thank God for all of your support last time I asked for prayer that the retreat would go well, and I would be very grateful for your continued support and prayers.


#2

I know a Carmelite priest whose wonderful hymns and beautiful voice have enriched Church music in Australia, and one of his hymns, “Come as you are” is amongst my favorites.
Whatever God is calling you to, the gift of your music can enrich the lives around you.
Jesus You know what you desire of this gifted young man. Please draw him into that life and commitment.


#3

Thank you so much.

Yes, I would like music to remain part of my life, even if it’s not the primary part. I still do really enjoy music. :slight_smile:


#4

Dear Lord, may this good soul get into Franciscan University of Steubenville. He should go for the program that will prepare him for the priesthood, as he feels he may have a calling. Help him get in the program, Lord, and help him get a good job at a church doing something with his musical abilities. Amen.


#5

Hail, holy Queen, Mother of mercy;
our life, our sweetness and our hope. To
thee do we cry, poor banished children of
Eve: to thee do we send up our sighs,
mourning and weeping in this vale of tears.
Turn then, most gracious Advocate, thine
eyes of mercy toward us, and after this our
exile, show unto us the blessed fruit of thy
womb, Jesus, O clement, O loving, O sweet
Virgin Mary. Pray for us, O holy Mother of
God that we may be made worthy of the
promises of Christ. Amen.


#6

This sounds like a great idea. Plus, if you do consider the priesthood, it would be great bonus for the parishoners.

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come. Thy Will be done, on earth, as it is in Heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
Amen.


#7

From today’s Liturgy of the Hours:

“I will listen to whatever the Lord God tells me,
for he will speak peace to his people and his chosen ones,
and to those who repent in their hearts.
Truly his salvation is close to those who fear him,
so that glory may dwell in our land.”


#8

Thank you very much. I read over that this morning but didn’t remember that part.


#9

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.