I’m seriously discerning consecrated life and am facing very strong opposition from my mother. She’s suffering so much but I am having much trouble dealing with it. I get so stressed that I think its been affecting my health too. I live in another city and currently visiting my parents. Almost every day, this topic comes up directly or indirectly. I’m having much difficulty staying calm, hopeful or joyful, and that’s making it even worse for my mom.
She also believes I’m being influenced into the type of life I’m living, which she sees isn’t leading towards marriage. I can’t convince her or communicate to her the joy I had in responding to God with my discernment. I am hoping to attend a retreat but as the situation is getting progressively worse, I don’t know how to bring it up. If I just go, it might provoke an intense reaction and I’m worried for my mom’s health, as at times she had symptoms similar to a stroke. if I ask her about the retreat, she would get very upset and forbid me, which happened before. But I feel I am not being generous with God if I don’t try to go. I even had the idea to visit the place with my family while going on a vacation, to calm them about the retreat, but this vacation isn’t even being planned - and we may not have the money.
The reason for this post is that I have an SD but he is far away, and I have no one to speak to about this. I’m feeling overwhelmed and don’t know how to deal with it. I need to write a letter to the Mother Superior but.I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if I’m called to this community or not, I just want to visit a good community.
There are other complications like me being an only child, the only Catholic at home, I also have loans to pay before I could enter… I often get doubts if I’m actually called by God just because of my situation. My parents don’t have anyone else to support them in old age, and if I’ll.be a religious I’d have to work out with the community how they could be taken care of, as that is my responsibility. My family doesnt have a lot of money and my parents will be getting a very small pension, so i’d also need to make sure they would have enough to live on, or this would be an obstacle to religious life. If I’ll be some sort of consecrated person in the world, I could do this more easily, but I’m scared to live with my mom as she would struggle constantly seeing me living this life. I’m worried I would give up under pressure. I don’t know if that is selfish, I hope not, as I want to do God’s Will… But what if it would be necessary to live with my family? Then it would be His Will. Either way I’m very seriously discerning some sort of consecrated life, and I’ve already committed myself to that.
I love them very much and it hurts me a lot to hurt them in this way. I can’t imagine what my mom is going through, and she sees me as heading towards misery. She doesn’t believe this could be a happy life. I’d also never give them grandkids. But my discernment has really deepened this year and I can’t just decide to marry. I’ve been praying about this for around 7 years and its never changed.
I’d just be very thankful for prayers or advice on.what I could even do. And how to deal with this. I’m sure others here have gone through it. I’m trying to not be bitter and have hope, but its hard. I get tempted to bitterness over my situation but I need to remember God placed me here and surrender to His Will… These things were permitted by Him and its not an accident I’m in this situation…