I don’t post on here much because I tend to be mainly a lurker…but this is a bit of a subject I can’t discuss with my family without them being either extremely happy or extremely worried.
My DH and I married June 2009 and recently just celebrate 1 year of being truly abundantly blessed by God! :extrahappy:
But it has also been a very difficult year. We found out we were pregnant with our first child Sam in September 2009. The pregnancy was not planned, but we were both excited because of the blessing from God. At the end of October, however, when we went in for the 12 week check up we found out Sam was not alive. It was a very sudden miscarriage with no symptoms. Due to poor guidance and a lack of testing from our OB/GYN practice I ended up having an emergency D & C, which took two months to recover from due to complications. Now I am perfectly healthy, but emotionally I still struggle to accept that God had a greater plan for Sam that meant he could not stay with us.
DH and I had agreed even before being married due to college debt, saving for a house, and creating a safety net so I could stay at home that we would not have children for at least 2 to 4 years. We felt these were justifiable reasons to practice NFP to avoid pregnancy, but certainly we are also open to God blessing us with children on his timing as he did when he allowed us to become pregnant with Sam.
But now that we’ve had Sam for such a short time it’s like a switch has been reversed in my mind to where I have a strong desire for children now and I don’t know if morally our reasons for avoiding pregnancy are justifiable. Since losing Sam I don’t know how to wait 4years to have a child. I feel motherhood is much more of a calling than any kind of career I could aspire to.
The worry sets in for DH and I when we think of how we would pay down debt and or save for a home if we did have a child now. We would never be able to pay down the $30,000 in debt we currently have or a save for a down payment if we solely relied on DH’s income. These are DH’s main reasons of why we should wait and up till now I agreed with him. Now I am not sure.
We’re not shooting for the stars with what type of house we are wanting to save up for and we live modestly in attempts to pay down this debt (we don’t have cell phones, we didn’t take a honeymoon, no cable, don’t got to movie theaters, we pack lunches, etc). I understand as a married couple our vocation calls us to be open to life, but I also don’t want to lead our family into a financial hole we would have been able to avoid had we waited 2-4 years. Are our reasons for NFP to pay down debt and save for a down payment valid reasons for avoiding pregnancy?
I guess my question to those of you who have children or are expecting children: Did you plan to have them when you did? Do you regret the timing of not having all of the ducks in a row (i.e. debit paid off, house, etc.)? What would you have done differently? How did you know you were ready to have children?
I am struggling to determine if this is desire God calling us to parenthood because our reasons for avoiding pregnancy for the moment are wrong or my heart grieving the loss of Sam. :shrug: