[quote="yellowbird, post:16, topic:201662"]
Cute story. I agree 100%.
While watching a little league baseball game and a breezy chilly day, I heard a Mom tell her very adorable 3 year old that she, "needed to keep her sweater on because it was cold." Three year old would take it off... Mom would put it back on. Finally the Mom looked her right in the eye and said, "If you take that sweater off one more time, I am going to take you to the car and we'll sit in there where it's warm." Three year old took 10 steps from Mom, turned, back toward her, slowly took off her sweater and dropped it to the ground while looking RIGHT at the Mom with a big smile on her face. I'm watching the whole thing.. Mom turns to me and says, "Oh well.. she must not be cold?" And never moved off her chair.
THAT is how a disobedient, bratty child is made.
It's all about the follow through. Parents need to pick their battles.. the child may not have been cold, but once the Mom gave the command, the child needed to obey OR sit in the car. Because rather than teaching the child the Mom was in charge, that adorable little 3 year old is being taught that SHE is in charge. If that Mom doesn't turn that ship around, she is in for quite a treat when her daughter is 14.
Fourteen can be a rough age even when there has been discipline. When the child has been trained that she will always win if she just hangs in there....oh, man.
Parents have to remember that they choose when there will be a battle of wills. When you choose one, never lose. If the child wins some of the time, you will be tested far more often that if they never win.
Those of you who remember your psychology classes will remember that the hardest behavior to extinguish is behavior that is rewarded irregularly. If you give a lab rat a little peanut machine with a bar that it taps a certain number of times to get a peanut, then turn off the peanuts, it will take a certain amount of time before the rat gives up on tapping the bar. But if the payoff is irregular, like a slot machine, it takes much, much longer for the rat to give up. The thing is like a gambler, always thinking that THIS time will be its lucky time. We humans are like that, too. This is why consistency is so important.
Children do have to have some room to let us know that they would rather do things a way other than what we have chosen. In order to do this without getting attempted mutinies when we propose unpopular plans or judgements, our children needs to be taught that there is a time, a place, and a way to make their objections to adult directives known. They need to know that they will only be heard if they object in a way that one might object to a coach, a police officer, or anyone else in authority. If they are allowed to change our minds when their objections are reasonable, their tactics are polite, and their timing is appropriate, then there won't be the resentment there would be if they had no way to be heard. They will also get the experience to object decently with those in authority when they are old enough to do so. They will win some and lose some, but they'll learn to win and lose without making enemies they didn't have to have.