I wrote to the convent, as I was instructed to do, informing the superior that I still felt called to the religious life. I've been a little anxious (naturally) about the outcome of all this, and what she might say. When I look at myself, I get frustrated because I lose patience with myself and others, I'm nasty to others, and then I'm prideful for being upset with myself for falling! I know I'm a sinner and miserable, I should remember that with humility. I start to think things like, 'Look at how I act, and I'm pursuing the religious life?! What a fool! Don't be surprised when she rejects your request'. Or I ask myself questions such as 'Would God change my calling because of how I act?' or 'is this a sign I'm not called because of these situations?'
Maybe I'm just being stupid..
I'm stressed, uneducated and melancholic.. Anybody have any advise?
Thank you, God bless you!