I am new to this site and I have been searching for a thread like this because I am headed toward the same territory. I will be 30 in August and right now I am an emotional trainwreck over my marriage and it has triggered all my painful memories of a long history of emotional abuse and trauma that I experienced before I met my husband. There are so many things I need to let out right now that I am sitting here overwhelmed, typing with tears clouding my vision of the computer monitor. You all have clarified a lot for me regarding anullment.
I’ll try to condense this for now, but I want you to know that I searched for this site initially with the sole purpose of finding out how anullments work and how quickly I could get one. I am still passing through different emotions on what has been said. Anullment was almost a foreign word to me until recently and certainly at the beginning of my marriage.
Here is the sweet: He swept me off of my feet, was charming and a gentleman, handsome, extremely intelligent and painted the most wonderful portrait of himself as willing to be a faithful, trustworthy, honorable, honest and responsible companion to death do us part.
Here is the sour: That last part - what he had me believing (until I was too far into the marriage and too stuck to get out fast) due to his covering up and hiding of his true self from me- about being a faithful, trustworthy, honorable, honest and responsible companion- WAS A SMOKESCREEN.
He has been unfaithful mentally, emotionally and physically. He thinks that withholding something is not the same as lying therefore perfectly acceptable. His philosophy is actually to never admit to anything, deny and make counter accusations.
I have compromised and lost so much and I can’t do it anymore. I too want an annulment once I do get the divorce so that I can be free of the what I feel is poison and dysfunction to me and my kids. Even after all that has happened, I have offered to give him the house and work with him as much as possible on visitation with the kids but he is giving me so much grief and doesn’t want to get divorced. I can’t help but feel that it’s because it’s cheaper to keep me. My heart, my self-esteem, my health – my whole life as it is right now seems to be in ruins. In the beginning, even though I had doubts and concerns, there was no one else on earth I wanted to be with but him. I know that I am going to need counseling for a while to get through this and my children will probably need it to help cope.
I am hoping that an annullment won’t be hard to get. I honestly did not know that you had to be divorced first. Is there anything in the meantime that the Catholic church can grant me that is the same as legal seperation would be?
I know I must sound like I have dropped my basket and honestly, I feel like I have had a mental breakdown most days. I am so lonley and there is no one who can relate to me. As I sit here I am worried that I won’t even be able to function at work here in just a few hours. I can’t sleep, I have gained a ridiculous amount of weight and I’m having to live here with him until something is final. I have had to file bankruptcy because he told me he had been handling the finances last year and he had let things go to the point I could not save it. He has financially ruined me. I am so sick over this whole situation that I feel nauseated most days. Right now I’m so upset I could throw up.
I need someone to turn to. I feel like I’m trapped in concrete. If there is anyone who can be kind enough to overlook my hysteria and offer me some advice and/or encouragement, please respond.