Hi all, new here, scout the forums regularly and decided to join in Cradle Catholic so I’m no newcomer ;-)
Anyway, I have seen a few threads which relate in bits and pieces to my subject but I really just wanted to kind of, well, find some hope in like-minded awesome people such as yourselves!
I have recently become kind of disillusioned in my own life recently. Let me give you a succinct hopefully concise backround!
Started college 2 years ago. Did all the usual, partied, drank, smoked pot. I went to church on and off. Wasn’t into the whole college sex scene though; I all too often just walked back to campus alone as friends went off to hook-up with strangers. Anyway, I met a girl mid way through my second year. We went out. I thought she was the bomb. We broke up. She wasn’t great. At all.
I pretty much think I was the perfect boyfriend to her. I wasn’t like the usual guys who sleep around. I completely turned my life around. I stopped drinking, stopped doing all the bad things. I really thought she was good for me. I used to cook for us, I got her gifts every anniversary, flowers at random times, bought her little bro’s cool guy stuff, and I loved her (I thought).
What I started to realise though was just how little she did. She used to get drunk all the time. She’d sometimes call me and tell me to fetch her from the club, which is about half a mile from my flat, at 3am and walked there and carried her home. I sometimes got abuse because she was so drunk.
She often mocked Catholicism. I got her a pampering spa-day on valentines day. Mass is at 6pm here, so I asked if we could have dinner at 9 and exchange gifts, but she was excited so I told her what I got her. I got back at 7.30 and went to her house. She then told me I didn’t deserve my gift, and that I must always remember that “god is watching me” for being a sinner (in a mocking way she meant that) and that I should confess more regularly.
Anyway, those are just some of the things. Of course, at times she was great though too. She was diligent in her studies, but all too often I would never see her because after studying she went out drinking. My point is that, well its weird. Through her I started feeling more attracted to my faith, I started becoming more religious! And I thought it was a sign from God that she was really meant for me, and that I was put in her life to help her to the faith. I started going to church every Sunday and even during the week, started confession, went to confirmation classes to learn. And eventually we broke up, because she said I was becoming self obsessed and we were moving apart (fair enough, but I was improving my life constantly, and I dont think she liked that, somehow).
Now I’m just so disillusioned. I realise now that she was actually not at all the perfect person for me (though I must admit, I am having a hard time letting go). But all the more to my point.
I am lonely. I have no more friends, because I gave up drinking and my old lifestyle. I have a few friends, and some Catholic friends, but I mean... And people call me a Grandpa because on Fridays I stay at home and watch a movie etc.
Now understand that in my university town- there are 2 kinds of activities. Drinking and not-drinking. There is NOTHING else to do here. And I sincerely mean that. So I am forced to stay at home.
I just don’t understand it though. I am a pretty nice guy, I eat well, not to blow my own horn but I am good looking, I’m fit and I work out (obsessed almost...), I am faithful, I’m clever, I play guitar, I’m neat, I’m moral, etc etc etc blah blah blah.
And yet a lot of girls just say that I’m not living how I should be living and that they miss the old me, the party and get drunk 3 times a week me. And it disturbs me. In a University town, I don’t know of one girl (or even one person) who is kind of like minded or I dunno, at least has faith and wants to work on that. From my ex all I learnt is that people are selfish. That short-skirts and revealing clothes are the norm and I am just a prude. That reading on a Friday night is lame. That Church is for old people.
Where are all the nice Catholic women? Or at least, where are all the decent people? All around me I see immorality in all areas. Look, I’m not a saint, but some of the things people do here are just disgusting. The way some girls behave here makes me ashamed. And I am ashamed that I ever was like that.
I want someone who isn’t selfish, who wants to grow in their faith, who doesn’t think that partying is the be all and end all, and that dancing on tabletops for tequila isn’t right. My ex was 22 mind you, not someone just outta school with an immature attitude.
Sorry, it has been a very self-pitying and self-righteous kind of post but I didn’t intend it that way. It’s also all over the place, which I apologise for. I’m just looking for hope, not only in finding a nice girl, but in general.
Thanks and God Bless! :thumbsup: