Disillusioned by the world


#1

Hi all, new here, scout the forums regularly and decided to join in  Cradle Catholic so I’m no newcomer ;-)

Anyway, I have seen a few threads which relate in bits and pieces to my subject but I really just wanted to kind of, well, find some hope in like-minded awesome people such as yourselves!

I have recently become kind of disillusioned in my own life recently. Let me give you a succinct hopefully concise backround!

Started college 2 years ago. Did all the usual, partied, drank, smoked pot. I went to church on and off. Wasn’t into the whole college sex scene though; I all too often just walked back to campus alone as friends went off to hook-up with strangers. Anyway, I met a girl mid way through my second year. We went out. I thought she was the bomb. We broke up. She wasn’t great. At all.

I pretty much think I was the perfect boyfriend to her. I wasn’t like the usual guys who sleep around. I completely turned my life around. I stopped drinking, stopped doing all the bad things. I really thought she was good for me. I used to cook for us, I got her gifts every anniversary, flowers at random times, bought her little bro’s cool guy stuff, and I loved her (I thought).

What I started to realise though was just how little she did. She used to get drunk all the time. She’d sometimes call me and tell me to fetch her from the club, which is about half a mile from my flat, at 3am and walked there and carried her home. I sometimes got abuse because she was so drunk.

She often mocked Catholicism. I got her a pampering spa-day on valentines day. Mass is at 6pm here, so I asked if we could have dinner at 9 and exchange gifts, but she was excited so I told her what I got her. I got back at 7.30 and went to her house. She then told me I didn’t deserve my gift, and that I must always remember that “god is watching me” for being a sinner (in a mocking way she meant that) and that I should confess more regularly.

Anyway, those are just some of the things. Of course, at times she was great though too. She was diligent in her studies, but all too often I would never see her because after studying she went out drinking. My point is that, well its weird. Through her I started feeling more attracted to my faith, I started becoming more religious! And I thought it was a sign from God that she was really meant for me, and that I was put in her life to help her to the faith. I started going to church every Sunday and even during the week, started confession, went to confirmation classes to learn. And eventually we broke up, because she said I was becoming self obsessed and we were moving apart (fair enough, but I was improving my life constantly, and I dont think she liked that, somehow).

Now I’m just so disillusioned. I realise now that she was actually not at all the perfect person for me (though I must admit, I am having a hard time letting go). But all the more to my point.

I am lonely. I have no more friends, because I gave up drinking and my old lifestyle. I have a few friends, and some Catholic friends, but I mean... And people call me a Grandpa because on Fridays I stay at home and watch a movie etc.
Now understand that in my university town- there are 2 kinds of activities. Drinking and not-drinking. There is NOTHING else to do here. And I sincerely mean that. So I am forced to stay at home.

I just don’t understand it though. I am a pretty nice guy, I eat well, not to blow my own horn but I am good looking, I’m fit and I work out (obsessed almost...), I am faithful, I’m clever, I play guitar, I’m neat, I’m moral, etc etc etc blah blah blah.

And yet a lot of girls just say that I’m not living how I should be living and that they miss the old me, the party and get drunk 3 times a week me. And it disturbs me. In a University town, I don’t know of one girl (or even one person) who is kind of like minded or I dunno, at least has faith and wants to work on that. From my ex all I learnt is that people are selfish. That short-skirts and revealing clothes are the norm and I am just a prude. That reading on a Friday night is lame. That Church is for old people.
Where are all the nice Catholic women? Or at least, where are all the decent people? All around me I see immorality in all areas. Look, I’m not a saint, but some of the things people do here are just disgusting. The way some girls behave here makes me ashamed. And I am ashamed that I ever was like that.

I want someone who isn’t selfish, who wants to grow in their faith, who doesn’t think that partying is the be all and end all, and that dancing on tabletops for tequila isn’t right. My ex was 22 mind you, not someone just outta school with an immature attitude.
Sorry, it has been a very self-pitying and self-righteous kind of post but I didn’t intend it that way. It’s also all over the place, which I apologise for. I’m just looking for hope, not only in finding a nice girl, but in general.

Thanks and God Bless! :thumbsup:


#2

Chin-up. Things will change. Everyone goes through a dark spell in college. I remember, distinctly that dark, scary feeling: "My God, I don't really have any friends. And, more importantly, what am I doing with my life?!?!"

I didn't drink, I didn't smoke,and I didn't party. I felt so alone. And then, finally, I joined the Catholic Student Group at my university. I started going to dinner with them after Mass, arranging volunteer trips for us to go on, and soon I was being invited to nice quiet dinner parties, sporting events, et cetera, et cetera. It was a slow process, but I made my best friends. They were not people that I would have EVER considered hanging out with in high school, but in college the typical "social clique" thing doesn't quite matter any more. By the way, I also met my husband.

In sum, get out there. Join the Catholic Student Group at your school. If there isn't one, ask the priest at your parish how you can create one. Trust me, there are many more like you out there on the look out for genuine friendship. Finally, reach out to God. You're never really alone, you know.

Edit: Another thing that you can do right now in your struggles is to focus on getting excellent grades and seeking out career opportunities. Think of it as an act of sacrifice for your future wife and children. :)


#3

well first of all,God bless you in your struggles,one of my favorite songs is ‘against the wind’ and thats how you sound. I was just the type of fellow you are now. I never smoked,drank booze,the drug scene was scary to me and yet participated in many activities…the stage,sports,yearbook etc…so I did not miss out for eventually I found the perfect gal for me! You are building up graces and it too will happen to you.I remember seeing in an old flick…Andy Hardy,and his dad was advising him on just this topic.that somewhere out there is a young lady who also is holding onto her purity and is facing contempt from her peers…just keep praying and you both will meet. all the best…Pas


#4

You are having your false illusions about life stripped away. Those being that fun is all there is, that people who like to have fun all the time are your true friends, and that being loved is all that matters.

You're growing up. Some of your peers will catch up, others not so much. Join the Catholic Student Group. It should help.

Know some things that will help you get through.

College towns are notorious for being hotbeds of sin and immaturity. It's a prison sentence for the next few years. Not the rest of your life.

Anyone who needs you to be drunk or needs to be drunk themselves to enjoy your company is a fool and not a real friend. Avoid them.

You have found out what YOU are willing to do for love and what love is. You met up with someone who has no idea what real love is. But you got a glimpse of your own capacity to put the other first. And that wasn't a wasted relationship... as your heart opened to love, it opened to the ULTIMATE SOURCE OF ALL LOVE. She did you a favor. Thank her, pray for her soul for the favor she did and move on. She was a stepping stone, not your destination.

Now that you know what you are willing to give for love, do not settle for any woman who won't do at least as much. You cannot force someone else to save their soul. And anyone who ridicules you for having that goal is too immature to build a life around.

Spend your free time studying, reading and filling your brain cells with information. IT will pay off in dividends later as your peers who are killing brain cells compete with you in the job market. Youll never have this freedom to study for the sake of studying and learn for the sake of learning. You are paying steep tuition to learn right now, not get drunk off your butt and make a clown of yourself. You seem to understand that. Don't be lonely about it. Use the free time you'll never have again to do what you're supposed to be doing.

Don't change your standards for the world. For the world, your standards will never be low enough. Don't trade for faux love and friendship. Somewhere out there is a lonely young woman who is doing what she is supposed to do. And she is wondering where all the nice guys are. Pray for her now. And pray that God will direct you to her.

:thumbsup:


#5

Seconding the idea of joining the Catholic group. But also join common interest groups or even just look for people who like the same stuff as you do and it doesn’t have to be religious. Play intramural sports. Hit the gym for guy friends and maybe even a girl who likes to stay fit. Do some extracurricular academic or quasi academic stuff and talk to the people involved in said activities.

No guarantees that you meet the right girl or that the guys there will be on the same page with everything, but you’ll get to know some people that have common interests that don’t revolve around getting wasted and all of that.

There were times I just stayed in my room on Fridays or Saturdays because everyone I knew just wanted to get blitzed and make bad decisions and I preferred sipping scotch or drinking a few beers and watching a ballgame. Guess what? There are other people like that, even if they aren’t necessarily religious and my social life improved leaps and bounds when I realized that and started paying attention to the people who spent their weekends in the student center playing pool and watching the game or doing so at the bar but not getting hammered. And who knows? Maybe the Catholic group has a ton of people in it that are awesome; my school didn’t have those folks so I had to adapt, but my sister’s does and it’s turned out great for her.


#6

Here's the first thing I thought of when I read your post...

if your ex mocked Catholicism, went out drinking, etc, perhaps she wasn't the perfect person for you. One of the purposes of marriage is to help each other get to Heaven.. maybe God is just leading you to a better relationship, in the future, which will be ultimately best for you. It's very hard to make it work over the long run if the person you're with doesn't share your values and faith.

I go to university too and I can see what you mean about immorality being everywhere... is there some sort of Catholic club on your campus? I met some great friends at my university through this. I think that maybe it would be easier to find someone after university..maybe it's just the environment, and maybe you're not looking in the right places. People tend to hang out with similar people... try to make good Catholic friends and maybe it would be easier then.

Don't give up hope :)

God bless


#7

Remember my friend-this too shall pass. Sometimes, being disillusioned is just something we go through.

Try to be moral without being a dullard. (Yes, you do that! :wink: ,and no, I’m not calling you a dullard) Go to a party, just don’t drink and fool around. Talk, have fun, flirt, but don’t do anything immoral.

Try to remember-with all this “immorality” around you-don’t look down your nose at them. You never know, if things where different, you could have been just like them. They might have an Augustine-like moment of conversion soon!


#8

Hang in there pal...i was going through an all too similar situation last semester. Joining a Catholic Club sounds like a great idea, perhaps becoming more involved in your parish would help too. Keep working out, young men need that outlet! Prayer is a definite must!


#9

Thanks for the replies!

Well, I am a member of the Catholic Student Group on campus! Unfortunately, there are only around 60 members, and even more unfortunately, its more of a "get a T-shirt when you join"kind of thing. There aren’t any meetings, social events, what have you. Having said that, I do know a few people from the group and they are great people, but I have a hard time getting along with them beyond acquintance level (merely because thats just how friends work, not for any specific reason!).

Yeah, I really try not to be too judgemental as I said, I was one of these drunkards (though still some-what morally aware and cautious) but it just isn’t good enough for me anymore! And unfortunately, living in a student town, and going to a University famed for its drinking (believe it or not, but the per-head alcohol consumption around here is amongst the highest in the world; friends of mine easily get through 15litres of beer a week). So even going out to the bars etc just to chat is difficult, when at 8pm 85% of people are about 8/10 on the “how drunk are you” scale.

Back home away from college, yeah I have friends who are like minded in some ways! Don’t enjoy drinking all that much etc. But I don’t actually live there anymore haha. So seeing my “childhood” friends is difficult.

Ya, its quite hard. I do find that my once a week confirmation classes are amazing, because I kind of socialise and learn tons! And yeah, gym is great, I run a lot, etc. But I dont know, its hard when your old ‘friends’ arent friends anymore, and finding new friends as you’re in your last year of college is just difficult as most expect you to have them already!

As a small aside, it might be pertinent to know that there are probably less than 60 practicing Catholics on my campus. In fact, when I attend mass, I’d say only about 30 regulars. :o:o

I hope there is more out there. I’m not perfect by any means, good grief I know I am a sinner, but I try, and I want others to try too (including, God permitting, a partner!)


#10

And yes! Prayer is an amazing tool! When my parents got divorced, I was about 11 I think, I must have prayed the rosary every friday for an hour at my local church back then for about a year. It was wonderful.

I still attempt to pray as hard as I can now, but I fail at times. Most times in fact. But lately I have been getting into apologetics and such - something that has really made me happy for some reason!


#11

christ said the world hated me so it will hate you, but times passes fast and i pray it won't be long till you find a like minded soul mate.
as a cradle catholic i hope you have invested yourself in a brown scapular, its what keeps me rejuvinating my faith, the world has a habit of dilutuing our vigour, but Mary holds through to her promises, with this powerful armour you will stay strong in your faith.
God bless you and your family.


#12

ps. REFRESHING and JOYOUS speaking to Catholics!! Even if it is online :rolleyes:

Thanks be to God :D


#13

[quote="NewsTheMan, post:12, topic:193601"]
ps. REFRESHING and JOYOUS speaking to Catholics!! Even if it is online :rolleyes:

Thanks be to God :D

[/quote]

That's one of the many reasons I love this site!

Good luck bro!


#14

Welcome! :wave:


#15

[quote="NewsTheMan, post:1, topic:193601"]

And yet a lot of girls just say that I’m not living how I should be living and that they miss the old me, the party and get drunk 3 times a week me. And it disturbs me. In a University town, I don’t know of one girl (or even one person) who is kind of like minded or I dunno, at least has faith and wants to work on that. From my ex all I learnt is that people are selfish. That short-skirts and revealing clothes are the norm and I am just a prude. That reading on a Friday night is lame. That Church is for old people.
Where are all the nice Catholic women? Or at least, where are all the decent people? All around me I see immorality in all areas. Look, I’m not a saint, but some of the things people do here are just disgusting. The way some girls behave here makes me ashamed. And I am ashamed that I ever was like that.

[/quote]

My college friends spent all their time studying, and in the rare free time doing things like going to academic-related meetings, or cultured things like art galleries.

Not one person I knew in college drank, they were too busy studying in their courses as well as pursuing research opportunities and independent projects.

You need to find some academic centered people who have other things going for them in life and don't need to abuse substances to feel excitement. Maybe see about volunteering to help a professor with research? You could also try some volunteering in the community as you might meet socially conscious decent people there.

If you want to specifically meet Catholics, maybe see about volunteering through the Church, or maybe going on a retreat for young people.

Don't despair, there are serious minded people in the world.


#16

[quote="flyingfish, post:15, topic:193601"]
My college friends spent all their time studying, and in the rare free time doing things like going to academic-related meetings, or cultured things like art galleries.

Not one person I knew in college drank, they were too busy studying in their courses as well as pursuing research opportunities and independent projects.

You need to find some academic centered people who have other things going for them in life and don't need to abuse substances to feel excitement. Maybe see about volunteering to help a professor with research? You could also try some volunteering in the community as you might meet socially conscious decent people there.

If you want to specifically meet Catholics, maybe see about volunteering through the Church, or maybe going on a retreat for young people.

Don't despair, there are serious minded people in the world.

[/quote]

At some of the more academic universities this is true. Maybe the OP can consider a transfer elsewhere? However, there are many public universities and private that are not very challenging academically or if they are people frankly do not care about doing well and are there to enjoy the college experience. In areas like the South, universities are just like the OP describes. There are also a good number of private universities that cater to upper middle to upper class students where academics are emphasized but where people have a lot of money and during the weekend and free time they party. Drinking and sex are a huge part of the college experience. My best friend had to move out of his apartment because his roommates were partying every night until close to dawn. He is depressed because he cannot find a chaste woman. Every woman he goes with puts out easily and demands it for a relationship. This includes Catholics and non-Catholics. My parents went to college in the 1980s and their experience was much different than mine has been even with one going to same exact place as I did. A big factor is where you go. There are many party schools and many that are not as big on that. You just need to do your home work first. Transfer if you really want to find a better school social life wise.


#17

First of all, I think it’s GREAT that you’ve turned your life around and have decided to actually live a truely Catholic life. Reading these posts have given me hope that there are some good Catholic guys out there. Keep it up :). It sounds like you’ve been doing all the right things- attending Catholic events etc. I know it’s hard- I’m now in the “real world” after college and believe me, it’s just as hard to find people who share the same moral standards. Just pray for patience and strength so that you can continue growing in your faith as you search for others like you and for your future spouse ( at least that’s what I’m doing!) . Good luck and know what you are NOT alone- even when it feels like it :slight_smile:


#18

Romans 12:2 says: “Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.” It sounds like you’re doing just that!

I do understand how it can feel to be the “odd person out” and not fit in with people who were once close friends. While I know that can be lonely, perhaps Christ needs your full attention without any distractions (even those of good friends who would share your values). Trust you are on the right path. You will soon find friends with whom you have more in common. Good luck and I’ll be praying for you.


#19

Thanks all for the uplifting replies! Knew it was a good idea to join the site :-)

Ya know, its a very funny thing. My university is in the top 3 universities in my country :eek: YUP. :confused: So it isn't like I'm at a rubbish place, I know once I get my degree from here I've (hoepfully, to some degree) got it made. But again, the culture that surrounds the university is what is bad. As one poster mentioned, middle class and upper middle class kids with their spare time and spare cash in a small town with 10 different bars - what else is there to do but drink. And of course sow their wild oats, but I blame lack of good parenting for that one!

I suppose that it is important to just keep having faith (after all thats what its all about :rolleyes:) and praying and giving it all up to God.
It's not that I want to be strictly academic, or purely extremist in an area. Which for some reason many people make me feel as if thats what I'm doing. Of course I like fun, I'm a pretty cool guy actually :D but it annoys me beyond words how everything just turns out in life so far. All the people I meet are sexually immoral, not really qualified to be in university, immoral in other ways. Again, I'm no saint, and yes I am being a hypocrite,but I somewhat removed the plank from my own eye in a manner of speaking, and you probably know what I mean.

When did the world change into this? Where pop music is disgustingly sexual, where girls go out and have themes called "dress to get laid" and think thats just "all in good fun", where going out means getting incredibly smashed and hooking up with everyone,where religion is only for "jesus freaks". I'm sure that a few years ago reiligion was still respected and held in high regard by most. Now...

I remember once, my ex's best friend said to me that Jesus was just a "pot smoking hippie who said some stuff to be famous and get women" and they both laughed. At that moment I was kinda like - woah. I don't know if you do these things and say this kinda stuff to be scandalous and get attention or what?

Sorry, bit of a rant :o

Have a blessed day all :thumbsup:


#20

The world didn’t “change into this”, human nature has always been this way and barring evolutionary pressure/genetic engineering will remain this way. People really like having sex, and some tend to take it too far. Why do you think so many of the world’s religions have devoted so much of their teachings to controlling the human sex drive? It’s always been an issue in human societies.


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