Disputes among relatives


#1

In my extended family, there are two relatives who had cut off communication with one another for years -- they are sisters -- one passed away this year and there was no reconcilitation,

Both women were devout Catholics, and yet they let this dispute continue into death.

I feel sad for both and hope and pray that God was able to reconcile them somehow as the one sister passed.

I think like marriage, our sibling relationships should be nurtured and when there are disputes, we should work on things so they don't progress to the point where you stop speaking to your brother or sister for years and years.

Nuf said.


#2

You are health when you do not want promblems in person realtionships.
They (sisters) need spiritual health,they must know to forgive each other and meybe self.


#3

I want to also post for my sister and my whole family. She is trying to get married and wont talk to anyone in the family because she is getting married behind everyones backs, I pray that god shed light on our whole family and we are able to go back to living life like we were raised to do. I want to pray for all of the families and people around the world who are going through these trials and pray to God that he heal families in these hard times. Amen


#4

A member of my family announced a breakup between them and me. I resisted it for seven years, but found I was just being taken advantage of. Then, I just said, OK, if that’s the way you want it, you’ve got it.

This other person has an identifiable mental problem and treats the closest associates with sadistic sarcasm – just like me.

Maybe the “serenity prayer” about accepting the things you cannot change is really not good advice. It led me to just say, I can’t change it, so I accept it, good bye.

The other person has a history of breaking off relationships like this. What makes matter worse, there are other people in the family who did the same thing, who thus became the role model for this person.

One such person was my father’s sister who converted to Jehovah Witness. Now, I guess they are told to sever even family relationships if necessary, and she did – even from her own JW family (go figure that one).

There have been other members of the family who have electively just moved away across the country, hundreds and thousands of miles apart from their family. So, years later, I feel I am just a victim of such a pernicious social problem in the family. My aunt, who is a Protestant evangelical, could not reconcile with her sister, the JW.

Oh, well, then there’s most of my mom’s family that estranged themselves from her, over the control of their mother’s (next-to-nothing) estate. I tried to get a reconciliation with my holy-joe Eucharistic minister uncle and my mother, but no dice.

BTW, when the family estrangement occurred, most of the siblings suddenly got religion and they all become Eucharistic ministers. Figure that out.

Suuuuuuurrrrreee. Welcome to my world.


#5

A big chunk of my extended family has been doing their best to make my wife & I unwelcome around the family for…okay, ever since we started dating. They’ve been a lot more blatant about it since our baby was born. I know why a lot of it started (nothing we did to them, but more their general attitudes and need to look down on others), but the biggest sticking points lately seem to be our trying to live a more faithful life and our refusal to drink until we puke on a regular basis. For my part, I’ve been as friendly and accepting of them as ever. This is met with nastiness, talking about us behind our backs and all sorts of other fun. The last time we got together with them I walked in, waved and said hi to several people and was completely ignored (one hasn’t said a word to us in about 2 years now). I still haven’t decided how I want to deal with this, but they’ve made their intentions toward us fairly clear.


#6

i know it looks bad that they didnt speak for years…but maybe they chose not to speak to spare anymore arguements, it is upsetting for your family but i guess by avoiding each other and any arguements they were avoiding commiting any extra sins…they will be reconciled in heaven for sure…people dont hold grudges in heaven, its a place of love and forgiveness…


#7

As nice as it it to have a good relationship with you grown siblings it can never carry the same weight of obligations that we have in our marriage. Siblings sometimes grow in a direction that is very different from the way we grow and mature into adulthood. It can be a wonderful friendship if you and your sibling share similar values but it can become a great strain if a sibling developes attitudes and morals that are very different from the ones you have developed as you have matured.

Sometimes you can agree to disagree or just keep your mouth shut and be agreeable but usually when the differences are serious enough, you will go your seperate ways.

Is this sad? It is for me, but I can’t change the way my siblings feel about me. People can be very, selfish, self-centered and even cruel and that includes siblings. sometimes a cutting ties is the best thing we can do because at least it ends the opportunity for the sibling to continue the hostility.


#8

I think everyone’s family has issues like this.

it makes sense. you don’t get to choose who your family is, so inevitably some people won’t be able to stand each other, and it gets even worse when people date/marry because the rest of the family won’t feel any sort of obligation towards that new person if they happen to be a jerk.

of course the best situation is one where everyone in the family is mature enough to work out the disagreements that come up - but if that’s not possible, I honestly think it’s better for people to not talk to each other than to continue to make life miserable for everyone else. people have enough of their own problems without being dragged into more arguments every time the family gets together.

luckily, all the “dysfunction” in both mine and my husband’s families works that way - person a decides they’re mad at person b, so a stops talking to b. a also stops coming to any family gathering where b will be present, but will go out of their way to see the rest of the family at other times. and usually, b doesn’t even know why a is mad at them!

sometimes I think most adults revert back to the maturity level they had as middle schoolers… :confused:


#9

Well… sure that would be nice. But talk to the woman (ie me) who can remember her brother hitting her to the point of bruises and when she asks for an aopology is told ‘to get over it’. As adults I tried to have a relationship with him. We would make plans to meet for lunch. He would stand me up and when I would call to say I am upset would scream ‘Some brothers and sisters are close were not too bad’ in a condescending tone of voice.

I remember once he bugged me for years to go visit him (at this point we lived in different towns). He came back from work and I said ‘Hey what do you want to do for supper’ And he screamed at the top of his lungs a 4 letter word I don’t want to write

Should I forgive? Yes. Do I have to subject myself to more abuse EMPHATIC ‘NO’.

Please try and be less judgemental of estranged siblings. You don’t know the whole story and it is painful to be put in a situation where you had no other choice left but to avoid your own brother. A bit of charity is a lot more Christian

CM


closed #10

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