Ever since I really began to learn about my faith at age twelve, I’ve had a desire to be a Priest. Now, a few years on, that desire is still present, and several people seem to have me lined up for the seminary. I would love to be a Priest of Jesus Christ and would love to serve Holy Mother Church in this way. But my heart is divided.
I very often experience homosexual attraction and sometimes find it very difficult to look at men of my age without having such desires. It’s so horrible to look at a human being and feel disordered attraction to them. I don’t want this, as St. Paul said “I do the very thing I hate”.
I really don’t know what I should do. I wonder whether I should give up all hope of ever becoming a Priest, but there is nothing I want more to do with my life. I have and never would act out these vile desires and hope they will go away. But I know I cannot burry my head in the sand and pretend I don’t experience them. I want my heart to love Our Lord’s and nothing else, but more often than not my heart is set on flesh, the world and ultimately the devil.
Any prayers and advice concerning my situation would be appreciated.