divorce and the eucharist

I stopped attending mass several months ago after my wife told me to leave. I know I should go back, and I’m sure my anger will pass in time. One of my biggest problems with going back is the idea of taking the Eucharist knowing that she still attends mass and takes the Eucharist.

I just can’t seem to bring myself to partake in a unifying act with her, even if it is just a metaphysical one. Does anyone have any advice?

If you are divorced , not yet annulled and are living with another person you may not take communion but you can do spiritual communion

If you are divorce but choose to wait for an annulment before living with someone, then there is no problem in receiving holy communion

THis is what the priest explained to me.

I am not sure what your problem is… can you please clarify…thanks

How is it a unifying act with her?
Do you mean, because you are at the same church and you both will be up there together taking the eucharist at the same time?


First of all, it seems that you have not forgiven her for what she did to you. While I understand that this might be very difficult, it is important to do before it destroys other aspects of your life. It sounds like it is already destroying your relationship with the Lord because you are unwilling to take Communion.

Second, you have to remember that unless your marriage is annulled, you are constantly “unified” with your wife. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “The matrimonial union of man and woman is indissoluble”. It’s probably not what you want to hear, but so it is.

Third, try to focus on the fact that you are receiving the Lord, rather than thinking about your wife and your past when approaching the Eucharist.

Of course, I assume that you are not seeing other women…if you are dating/living with someone else, you are committing moral sin and should not be approaching the Sacrament anyway.

My understanding is that divorced people may receive Holy Communion if they are in a state of grace same as any other person. The only time they should not take communion is if they are not chaste.

Confess, pray, and receive our Lord in the Eucharist! We all need Him and His grace constantly. He is there for you to strengthen you!

Without knowing why she asked you to leave a full answer cannot be given. If she was justifed due to your behavior and you are continuing that behavior you should take a look at that. If it is causing separation between you and your wife, it may be causing (actually “is causing” since you are not attending Mass) separation between you and God. If there is something you need to repent about, then repent first, then confession and Mass.

If the separation s not due to your behavior, then you are allowing a broken person to keep you separated from God. You are allowing the hurt to manifest itself even more deeply by staying away from the source of healing and peace.

Often it helps to bring the pain to God by praying that the other person have in their life what you want in yours. Particularly in those cases where the pain is deepest.

I’m sorry you are hurting in this way and have prayed for you.

I really have to be completely blunt about this----You realize that your thinking on this is completely insane, don’t you? Did Christ not say “love your enemies”. You really need to pray and reflect about this.

By the way, you need to go to Mass every Sunday, even if you don’t receive Communion. That’s like not just an “option”. There is such a thing as a Sunday obligation.

The UNION in communion is you and Jesus, not you and your soon to be ex-wife. Go to confession, go back to Mass and start receiving the Eucharist again; if ever you needed it in your life, this is the time. :cool:


If you are still working on forgiving your wife and cannot handle going to Mass when she is there then try a different Mass time or go to Mass at a different parish.

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