My son’s dad and I have been married for just over four years. We have been dear friends since our childhood and even attended the same Catholic school together (although a year apart). At the time of our wedding, neither of us considered ourself Catholic or even Christian, so we had a civil ceremony.
Although we are dear friends, the marriage has not worked out so well. DH is just not interested in marital relations. He is loving and gentle, a wonderful listener, and a great dad. I asked him last July if we could just have an open and honest conversation about this. The end result was he told me he just doesn’t want to be married, that he’s sorry to have caused me this pain by asking me to marry him in the first place, that he’s just never really wanted to be married or be in a physical relationship with anyone. He was just doing what he thought he was supposed to do, and what others wanted him to do.
As his friend of over 25 years, I could see the truth in his words, that he really never has shown interest in romantic relationships, that it isn’t just me having been a bad wife or anything.
So I asked him if he wanted a divorce, and he said yes. I asked him if he would allow me to choose to stay in the marriage and just choose celibacy alongside him, he said no. He wants a divorce, so I’ve gone along and filed the paperwork with him.
I’ve considered “fighting” for our marriage, but other than praying I don’t know what I could do that wouldn’t hurt the whole family relationship, not to mention cost a fortune in lawyer’s fees.
Our son is now nearly three years old (in November) and is an extraordinary witness to the love of God. My soon-to-be-exhusband and I have chosen to live in the same house (hopefully with a separate basement apartment for him) to raise our son together.
I’m just at a loss. On the one hand, I don’t want my marriage to end. On the other hand, I’m now a practicing Catholic, very involved in the church, and take our son with me to mass every week. Soon-to-be-exhusband is still “not Christian” – maybe this is the path that God has chosen for me to be in a Catholic marriage eventually. I just don’t know. I didn’t see this coming, but if I’d had my eyes open before the marriage, I would have seen this coming.
I know I can get an annulment because of “lack of canonical form,” but I’m having a really hard time letting go of this marriage.
Thoughts? Comfort? Similar stories? Handsome single brothers? (I am so totally kidding!!!)
:gopray: Nada te turbe, nada te espante. Todo se pasa. Dios no se muda.
Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you. All things pass away. God never changes. (St. Teresa of Avila)