Divorce Trial on Holy Thursday?


#1

My loving wife has scheduled our divorce trial for Holy Thursday. I am adamently opposed to this divorce and would do anything to fix any problems she had with our marriage—but she has decided to forgoe all of that . Anyway, I have put the hopes of my marriage in the hands of God…and have received great peace in praying the Rosary.

But I have a huge problem in being forced to attend a event which I beleive is completely immoral and a violation of a blessing of God…especially on Holy Thursday. Does anyone else think I am being crazy if I put up a fight with my wife or the court to have that date changed…I know that a trial will happen one way or another without some extreme miracle—but is it stupid to not want to have this during Holy Week?


#2

I think you should speak up and try to get the date moved.

Prayers for peace for you during this difficult time (and for a miracle!). :crossrc:


#3

While the Church frowns on civil divorce, it recognises that on occasion it is a regrettable necessity. Sometimes separation (physical and legal) are necessary to ensure proper distribution of the property of the marriage and proper arrangements regarding children to be made, among other reasons.

And, sad to say but true, it’s not you alone who gets to determine whether the marriage is over. And in some cases, equally sadly, all the work in the world won’t fix the marriage. Which is why the Church sees the need for divorce on some occasions.

And would you really rather your wife stay in the marriage if she’s so genuinely unhappy? Wouldn’t that make BOTH of you miserable?


#4

Have your lawyer contact the court and ask for a new date based on your religious preferences. Don’t contact your wife - she may only dig in her heels to make it even more difficult for you. Do this through the proper channels.

~Liza


#5

Is it possible that this date was picked for her by the court and not one that she requested? No malice on her part?

I have been to court several times and usually they are assigned dates.


#6

I doubt your wife specifically chose that date. I’ve recently been through a divorce and I can tell you that court dates get cancelled and changed all of the time. Why don’t you just let your lawyer know that you object to that date as it is during Holy Week and that for religious reasons you request another date. I think that can be quite easily and amicably arranged.


#7

Maybe this will help clear up a couple of things.

My wife went to Germany for a temporary work assignment of 3 years back in March. It was our plan for me to come over about a year later after I got things straigtened out with my job, sold our house, etc. 2 months later I get an email about wanting a divorce. I think and will always think that this a absolutely wrong and a sin…but whatever, that is just my opinion.

So I do in a way think that this date has been requested by my wife since I think that she is using the Easter holidays to take care of this, see her family for Easter, and to see her newborn niece…So in a way chosen…but in a way maybe not. I have gone back and worth on whether or not I should fight this process. Some parts of me believe that if we were still in the same country…that we could work through this—so I partly beleive that the longer I stall it, the less time before she returns to the US. But I also know that if I fight than I am further pushing her away…

I guess as a Catholic =–faithful, I am torn. If I don’t fight am I in part condoning this action…and hoping that she returns…and if I do fight, am I ruining any possibility of change in the future.?
ARgh.


#8

**Of course you’re torn. I am sorry for all you are going through. But I don’t think you realize that by going along with the divorce (and making your objections known) you are NOT SINNING!!! Please seek out a good priest or spiritual advisor to help you through this rough time. You have free will. So does your wife. She wants a divorce, you don’t. You can’t force her to stay in the marriage and she can’t force you out.

But what you are dealing with right now are legalities. Even after your divorce (if a miracle doesn’t happen before then) you will still be married to each other in the eyes of God. Anything can happen. So do your best to be the best husband you can be by putting your wife above yourself…even if that means going along with this divorce. If she ever has a change of heart she will see if you are a man worth reconciling with by your actions now.

And by all means, go through proper legal channels to move the date of the court proceedings. But if you don’t, consider it part of the great sacrifice of Lent.

Malia
**


#9

A.) Jesus would not like to have you get divorced on the day he died. So you should get the date moved.

B.) It is against the 10 commandments to get a divorce. Jesus said that anyone who divorces commits adultry, and commiting adultry is against the 10 commandments.

Hope this helps!!!


#10

**
Yeah, like he needs MORE guilt. What exactly do you propose he does…deny her a divorce? Legally how can he do that? HE is not sinning by getting a divorce…he didn’t ask for it nor does he want it.

Malia**


#11

Jesus did not say anyone who divorces commits adultery.


#12

A.) I never said he was sinning, his wife is.
B.) I wasn’t trying to give him more guilt.
C.) He leagaly CAN request that the date be changed.


#13

Welll…I don’t know how true that is. I have been through the worst 10 months of my life trying to do everything and anything to make things right with my wife and trying to save my marriage. If I am forced into being divorced from my wife-I am not committing adultery-and don’t intend to do so. From my perspective it is what you do afterward that creates the adultery…though I am sure that God isn’t too pleased with a spouse that chooses to put space between her spouse instead of working on a marriage.

Say some prayers for me all—sadly I feel like I have received so many signs in my life over the past 10 months to have faith…Faith in what, I don’t know…but to have faith. I’m putting my hopes and dreams in God’s hands and the Rosary.


#14

#15

Divorce can be a very spiritual time. Please use this as an opportunity to really dive into your faith and strengthen your relationship with God.

This is definitely the time to stay on the high road and do not fall for playing petty games of tit for tat. I have no idea why your wife has decided that divorce is the right answer. I have no idea to what extent you have been able to open up to her and communicate with her.

It would be nice if you could find a way to really connect with her and communicate and if the two of you could do something to rebuild your relationship. Depending on what is going on with her…what her reasons are now…what her true intentions were when she married…that may or may not be possible. In a way, you just need to be open to the God’s will for you, but at this point there probably isn’t a lot that you can actively do.

I think if you stay close to God and frequent the sacraments you are going to find yourself on a journey that will help you uncover the truth. So, even though what lies ahead for you at this time might seem dark and unknowable, I hope that you know that you can count on God that his light eventually is going to shine on your path and one day you will have the peace of understanding where it is that you are on and a better knowledge about how you ended up there and where God is wanting you to know. In the meantime, you are going to need to be patient and resign yourself to whatever is going to happen is going to happen.


#16

1.) Call your lawyer.
2.) Request a continuance based on religion, and suggest a new date in Easter week, if possible.
3.) I don’t think you’re crazy if you asked to have the date changed (It would be even sadder on Good Friday). I do think you have a problem if you’re going to fight with your estranged wife. That’s what lawyers are for. Use yours wisely.


#17

Get the date changed, but act through your lawyer. Let him cite religious reasons - it’s a very important holiday in which you celebrate one of the most core parts of your religion. You don’t want to be distracted by any trial and certainly you don’t want such an event as a painful divorce trial to happen on that day to you. Divorce being against your religion can be used as a further argument too.

But if you were forced to attend, i.e. if the court didn’t move the date, I believe it wouldn’t be sinful for you to go there and defend your marriage. Defending against a divorce suit on a holy day is not the same as eating meat on a day of abstinence. You don’t sin by doing it.


#18

Or…

You can really endure Holy Week united with Christ in a way many never get to share it. He was Love personified, scorned and rejected by those He loved. And Holy Thursday was the ultimate commemoration of the miscarriage of justice and the persecution of the innocent through a farcical legal proceeding. You fit right in there, my friend. Do this in memory of Me, He said.

It’s your week to walk the Via Dolorosa with Christ. You are being crucified in a way you never thought you would be. Your wife has chosen Barabbas.

It’s a good time to contemplate how our laws are as wrong as ever… the law favors the sinner and the person who rejects Love. Things haven’t changed in 2,000 years.

Remember the silence of Christ before Pilate. There are some people with whom you cannot discuss Truth, because they will not even agree there is any such thing, much less what it is exactly.

Go, get it over with. Easter Sunday will come soon enough for you. Good luck. Been there, done that. My xh picked Easter weekend to walk out the first time. I feel your pain.


#19

Very well put and I agree with you . Some times done is done.
Kathy


#20

I think we need to stress that civil divorce puts an end to cohabitation but not to marriage. Civil divorce is no end of sacramental marriage. In popular understanding, civil divorce cuts the marriages but leaves an impediment to future marriages. In fact, however, the sacrament stays in place and the persons involved are still married. They are not merely single persons unable to marry anyone.


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