Divorce was the outcome


#1

After Retrouvaille, my wife says no way will she continue on. She has so much resentment and hatred towards me it is incredible. But she won;t say why. She wants out and to live single. She wants to find true love whch she found but the affair broke off. Now she says if we cant get an annulment she will find love anyway even if it is a sin because what kind of God would make you make a promise and if things don't work out have you miserable the rest of your life, How do you deal with that statement WOW! So in other words if no annulment God still wants you to be happy in sin. All about pleasure. I told her it was grave sin and she said she would take her chances. God would not want her to be miserable.

What about me. I have to live single and cant have a female partner, so that is going to be extremely difficult but I understand Vows and sins. It is a sacrafice and cross I have to carry.

Thanks for all your prayers. For now her and the 2 boys and my 19 year old daughter will move out and I will live by myself. The kids want to live with her, so for now I need the time to think. However if we divorce, it will be a whole nother story where I will want the boys.

I feel like there are days where I wish i would get hit by a bus. Then she could get her life insurance $250,000, an annulment and start over and find love. I am finding it harder every day to live with her since I love her so much. I have so much pain, I just want out of this life, The kids don't respect me, my wife doesn't, I feel so out of place living here I just want to have all this go away.

Perhaps some day that will be God's wish. Hopefully that day come sooner than later, I can't take this pain any longer.

DG


#2

I am sorry you are facing this. My prayers are with you.

Just a brief word of advice: if you and your wife are separated, it's in your children's best interests for you and your wife to file for a legal separation and have a court-ordered parenting agreement on file with the courts. A family law attorney can help you accomplish both of these things.

A proper parenting agreement does a number of things to protect both you, your spouse, and your children. Your attorney can fill you in on the details. In my experience, it helps keep things civil between the parents.

Filing for separation does not automatically mean you're divorcing. Lots of people legally separate and then reconcile.


#3

I am extremely sorry for the pain you are going through. Please do not do anything that will harm yourself-- know that there are a lot of us, even though we are just names on a forum, that will be praying for you. You are not alone, and while this all seems incredibly overwhelming, you will get through this, one day at a time.

Please do check with a lawyer, and set up an agreed custody arrangement for the sake of the children.


#4

[quote="karow, post:2, topic:245615"]
I am sorry you are facing this. My prayers are with you.

Just a brief word of advice: if you and your wife are separated, it's in your children's best interests for you and your wife to file for a legal separation and have a court-ordered parenting agreement on file with the courts. A family law attorney can help you accomplish both of these things.

A proper parenting agreement does a number of things to protect both you, your spouse, and your children. Your attorney can fill you in on the details. In my experience, it helps keep things civil between the parents.

Filing for separation does not automatically mean you're divorcing. Lots of people legally separate and then reconcile.

[/quote]

That is good advice. I am calling a family lawyer Monday


#5

1) I reinvite you to come check out our support group so you can receive some support from more people who have been through it.

2) Your statement about getting hit by a bus concerns me. I think even made in jest this is not a statement that should be taken lightly. You need to focus less on her and the state of her soul at this point and more on your own mental well being. I think family counseling is in order if you and the children are going to get through this. It probably will not help with reconciliation but statements like that are a great way to lose time with your children at best and at worst point to a more serious issue.

3) Please get help and support.

4) My prayers are with you.

5) Take things one step at a time - you do not need to worry about a decree of nullity until the divorce is done - you do not need to worry about a divorce until the separation - before you separate you need to worry about child custody. Until you have completed steps a,b,c do not worry about the decree of nullity. There will be time for that later.

6) Please get some support and counseling to help you through this difficult time.


#6

I am ON heavy MEDS SO I am ins le to harm myself not am that way. I a just at the end of my file. How fo I get to your support group


#7

[quote="dgeier0725, post:6, topic:245615"]
I am ON heavy MEDS SO I am ins le to harm myself not am that way. I a just at the end of my file. How fo I get to your support group

[/quote]

Click the link in my signature block that says CAF Annulment and Divorce Group. I am glad to hear that you have taken the right steps to get help. God helps those that help themselves and it is best not to be prideful. Remember that we each have our own sufferings and during these sufferings it is often best to remember Christ on the Cross in His Passion - it is these times that we are closest to Him in His moments of Sacrifice.


#8

I am so sorry and truly sad. I am still praying for you though, so please, I know it's hard, but don't lose your faith. God knows your pain, please turn to Him.


#9

After a long talk, we have agreed to stay as friends, but seperated, but live in the same house. We both are scared to go any farther, so we will live this way for a while and let things calm dowm. Not much marriage, but stable and financially works for us as well.

DG


#10

[quote="dgeier0725, post:1, topic:245615"]
After Retrouvaille, my wife says no way will she continue on. She has so much resentment and hatred towards me it is incredible. But she won;t say why. She wants out and to live single. She wants to find true love whch she found but the affair broke off. Now she says if we cant get an annulment she will find love anyway even if it is a sin because what kind of God would make you make a promise and if things don't work out have you miserable the rest of your life, How do you deal with that statement WOW! So in other words if no annulment God still wants you to be happy in sin. All about pleasure. I told her it was grave sin and she said she would take her chances. God would not want her to be miserable.

What about me. I have to live single and cant have a female partner, so that is going to be extremely difficult but I understand Vows and sins. It is a sacrafice and cross I have to carry.

Thanks for all your prayers. For now her and the 2 boys and my 19 year old daughter will move out and I will live by myself. The kids want to live with her, so for now I need the time to think. However if we divorce, it will be a whole nother story where I will want the boys.

I feel like there are days where I wish i would get hit by a bus. Then she could get her life insurance $250,000, an annulment and start over and find love. I am finding it harder every day to live with her since I love her so much. I have so much pain, I just want out of this life, The kids don't respect me, my wife doesn't, I feel so out of place living here I just want to have all this go away.

Perhaps some day that will be God's wish. Hopefully that day come sooner than later, I can't take this pain any longer.

DG

[/quote]


#11

So, how are you doing now? Any updates? I have been following your story and wonder how you are.


#12

[quote="dgeier0725, post:9, topic:245615"]
After a long talk, we have agreed to stay as friends, but seperated, but live in the same house. We both are scared to go any farther, so we will live this way for a while and let things calm dowm. Not much marriage, but stable and financially works for us as well.

DG

[/quote]

That's a first step!

DON'T GIVE UP! Don't step in front of the bus!
YOU WILL BE OKAY!!!!!!
Whatever happens, you will be okay. You will have the respect from your kids...you will feel better...you will get through this. Honest.


#13

Prayer for God to send His Holy Spirit's action into your marriage.


#14

Likewise, praying that you have received some comfort and clarity in this difficult and painful situation!
May you be blessed!


#15

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