? Divorce


#1

Hello,

I am new to this site and have a question that would like an answer to. I married a man who I thought was straight and for the first five years of our marriage things were good except in our intimate life. I suspected an affair and did some investigating. What I found was not what I expected. He was looking to have a first time experience with a male. I confronted him with this information and he finally told me that he was indeed homosexual. We stayed together for three more years trying to work things out, but we were both miserable. We got a divorce.

My question is can this marriage be annulled by the church?


#2

I've looked online for an answer, but there isn't much that I could find. It sounds like you probably have grounds for an annulment, but you should talk to your priest to find out for sure.
This same situation happened to my mom with her first husband. He was a gay acoholic so they divorced, but she didn't get an annulment. Maybe she thought she couldn't get one, I don't know. She ended up leaving the Church entirely to marry my Dad. Being married to someone who turns out to be gay is such a heartbreaking situation. I'm really sorry you had to go through it.


#3

Thanks for your response - I appreciate the effort! :)


#4

Welcome to CAF, Andra! :wave:

No one here can answer this question for you definitively. I would recommend talking to your parish priest as the best first step. He will give you invaluable guidance and point you in the right direction. Eventually, you will need to get in touch with the Tribunal Office for your home diocese, or, alternately, the diocese you were originally married in (if the two are different, you can pick either one).

"Annulment" is the popular term, but the more technical term is "declaration of nullity". Basically, the Church investigates to determine whether or not a valid marriage took place at the start. Thus, they will ask you questions and will ask for witnesses who can give them a picture of what was going on at the time of the wedding. Your ex will be given the chance to give his perspective, but, if he does not respond, the process can go on without his input.

From what you have described, there could exist grounds for a declaration of nullity, but it's something that needs to be investigated by the proper Church authorities. I would encourage you to pursue this. I know many who have found great healing through the process. Of course, prayer is key as well as an openness to accept whatever decision is handed down by the Tribunal Office.

I will keep you in my prayers!


#5

It is really hard to say if you will get it or won't - and no one should tell you that. The place to start is with your parish priest - In a large parish - you may have a deacon that is specially trained in handling these. I wish you the best of luck in this and God bless you. Please let us know how it turns out.


#6

[quote="Andra, post:1, topic:209171"]
Hello,

I am new to this site and have a question that would like an answer to. I married a man who I thought was straight and for the first five years of our marriage things were good except in our intimate life. I suspected an affair and did some investigating. What I found was not what I expected. He was looking to have a first time experience with a male. I confronted him with this information and he finally told me that he was indeed homosexual. We stayed together for three more years trying to work things out, but we were both miserable. We got a divorce.

My question is can this marriage be annulled by the church?

[/quote]

I would definitely talk to my parish priest, if I were you.

There are two main reasons why declarations of annulment are granted:

  1. A defect in the free-will consent on the part of either party. Both must know what the Sacrament is and be willing to fulfill its obligations. Some examples that would apply here: She was pregnant and they felt "pressured" to get married in some way. Or maybe a daughter couldn't stand living with her parents any longer and jumped at the first man that came along. There are many examples, but the bottom line is that one or both parties really didn't make a mature, informed, unimpeded decision.

  2. The inability of either/both parties to live a Sacramental marriage. Examples: Either didn't want to have children (slam dunk!). He was an alcoholic. She was a drug addict. Either were really too immature to make this sort of commitment.

The focus is not on what happened after you get married, but on the day that you got married. Was it a freely chosen, fully informed decision on the part of both of you, and were both of you, at that time, capable of living a Sacramental married life?


#7

Thank you to everyone that responded - your insight has been most helpful - I am in the process of coming home to the Catholic Church and just trying to get it all my ducks in a row...

I appreciate everyone's willingness to share -

Best,
Andra


#8

[quote="Andra, post:7, topic:209171"]
Thank you to everyone that responded - your insight has been most helpful - I am in the process of coming home to the Catholic Church and just trying to get it all my ducks in a row...

I appreciate everyone's willingness to share -

Best,
Andra

[/quote]

Andra,

Welcome back home! Happy to have you back! :)

Scooby


#9

Hello,

I am new to this site and have a question that would like an answer to. I married a man who I thought was straight and for the first five years of our marriage things were good except in our intimate life. I suspected an affair and did some investigating. What I found was not what I expected. He was looking to have a first time experience with a male. I confronted him with this information and he finally told me that he was indeed homosexual. We stayed together for three more years trying to work things out, but we were both miserable. We got a divorce.

My question is can this marriage be annulled by the church?

IF what you are saying is correct then you should be able too;

Canon 1098 shows that decieving one partner in order to gain consent of marraige is a impediment to a valid marraige;

Canon 1101 shows that if there is no intention of having children; then there is an impediment to a valid marraige.

You should; as the other posters state - contact the tribunal office.


#10

[quote="Andra, post:1, topic:209171"]
Hello,

My question is can this marriage be annulled by the church?

[/quote]

like any marriage that has irretrievably broken down, and has ended in civil divorce, if either party wishes to marry again they must submit the facts of circumstances surrounding the initial contract to the canon law tribunal of their diocese to find out if the marriage was valid. Should they obtain a decree of nullity after due investigation, they would then be free to marry. It is quite likely that the homosexual inclination and intention, if not the full-fledged behavior, were present at the time of marriage and concealed from the other partner, and that deceit alone would be enough to invalidate the marriage, that is, to have prevented full free will consent. Please see your priest for guidance that suits your personal situation.


#11

Often an annulment is granted when someone was not honest during their vows and thus were unable to truly make the vow they made at the altar. Homosexuality would definitely be one of those reasons in my opinion. Talk to your Priest about it and get the process started.

Joe


closed #12

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