Divorced... met a woman... different kind of question


I am divorced and recently met a woman who is Seperated and expects her divorce to be finalized in four months.

Her stbx is an alcoholic who refuses to seek treatment. There is minimal communication. They both reside in the maritial home. They have two children (under 10) who fear him. There has been no violence.

They have a Property Settlement Agreement mostly worked out, he agrees that she have custody.

I understand the Church’s position on divorce, but what do you think about this situation?

Thank you,



I think you have met a woman in need of a good friend, and that is all you can be is neighborly. She is married, dear friend, and so are you. The circumstances of your divorce and her situation are immaterial. If they share the marital home they are not separated even in the civil sense. If you are on the verge of starting a serious relationship with a women in a disastrous marriage you are headed for heartache, grief and possible sin.



Thank you for the response.

Answered at a different angle than I was expecting, but then again that is why I asked.

Could beat the technicalities, but that would not address the real issue.

That being that I am not on the verge of a serious relationship. I just met her and we seem to hit it off. At this point I would call us aquantancies (sp?).

I am fully cognizant of the “rebound” affect, but do not believe any of the factors are present here. In her eyes, their marriage died years ago and now it is a matter of making it official, or that is how it appears to me.

My wounds are still fairly fresh and I have no desire or intent on getting seriously involved with a woman unless I have some confidence that she is not under undue stress. Even then I probably would procrastinate a bit…

I was just interested in hearing opinions and thank you again for yours.



you said you had a different kind of question, but it is the same question that has been posted many times here and always answered the same way–you cannot initiate a dating relationship with a married woman. period. You can have a friendship at the same level of intimacy you would have with other friends, and hopefully you have a good network of friends, but there can certainly be nothing exclusive or intimate going on, or hoped for, or planned for.


Dear Ronin,

I had a dear friend who wanted to casually keep company with a man who had not obtained a civil divorce, let alone file for annulment. Against our warnings, she opted to date and nothing, it seemed, would deter her. We found this wonderful article explaining the dangers and rationale for not dating, printed it out, and showed it to a very wise priest, who gave his assent to all that was written.


You may want to scroll to section 2:

2) Steady company-keeping is unlawful for divorced but validly married Christians. This principle is exactly the same as the first one listed, because validly married persons are still bound to their partners for life even after they have obtained a divorce. It needs to be set down separately because too many Christians have adopted the pagan idea that a civil divorce makes them free to marry again, or at least to keep steady company with a new friend. It comes back to the fundamental truth that company-keeping is lawful only to those who can be validly married to each other.



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