I cheated on my deeply loved husband, one night stand. He immediately asked my for the divorce, and we’ve been divorced for almost 3 years.
During the first 2 1/3 years, we were on and off, we even went to a weekend activity for catholic married couples, and we end up renewing our vows, but he hadn’t forgiven me and we went apart again.
All this time I’ve been praying to get my husband back, I’d do anything for him, but there came a point where I said to myself that I couldn’t keep on living in denial, that I needed to let go of my husband and start accepting this situation.
I tried to “forget” my husband dating a wonderful man, never married, no kids, who loves me with all his heart.
Recently I had to get in touch with my exhusband due to some issues in regards to our kid (he’s the greatest father btw) and we started talking again about our feelings. He says that it’s just a matter of time, that he doesn’t hate me anymore and maybe things will change, that he longs for what we had and that it’s still an abstract idea for him to be with somebody the way he was with me.
He doesn’t tell me that he wants to get back with me straight ahead, but he doesn’t tell me otherwise, he just says that he doesn’t know what’s gonna happen in the future. It’s not loneliness because he’s been informally dating this girl for more than a year now, but he’s told me he doesn’t love her. I know he still has feelings for me, and I still love him very much too.
Which brings me to this other guy I was dating: I tried to give myself to him, but I couldn’t obviously because I love my husband, and because deep down inside I feel I should be all alone as I promised God when I got married, because a marriage is forever.
I broke up with him 22 days ago, and started reading the Bible again and feeling forgiven by God again. I want my husband to see that I’m a woman of God, that I’m repented of what I did, and that I want this marriage to continue.
But no matter what I do, it’s never enough for him, no matter what my choices are, they’re always wrong to him, and at this point I don’t know if I’m holding onto a hope that is only in my head, and at the same time I’m losing a man who really loves me and wants to be with me.
Sorry if this ended up being too long. If you’re not too tired after reading this whole thing and still have a word for me, it’d be truly appreciated…