I was born and raised in a Catholic family. Just a few years ago, I was sure I would never ever become a nun or a sister. I had always think only unsuccessful people without many options would enter a convent, and I can’t imagine living in a community with only women - would be too much drama.
Long story short, I now want to enter the Poor Clares of Perpetual Adoration cloistered convent in Alabama (https://olamnuns.com/). I want to move to Hanceville, AL and live in that convent because the nuns there get to have a daily adoration hour and also several hours of adoration during the night each week in addition to attend mass every day. One thing I want to do shortly before I die is to spend a night in adoration with only me and God. But since I don’t know when will I die, the only way I can obtain that wish is to enter that convent.
However, I don’t know if I can live in a convent. I still cannot live in a community or even just live with a roommate. I always found myself alone when going on a group trip. I’m just not good with people that’s why I don’t have friends. I also feel sick quite often; I get fatigue easily and get dizzy every time I walk down the stair, so I might get “kick out” for physically unsuitable reason. And if I ever get “kick out” or have to leave the convent for any reason, I will lose everything and might end up on the street. Entering a cloistered convent will be like putting all my eggs in one basket, which is fine if that basket never break. But if it does, that is, if I have to leave the convent after entered, I would lose everything and end up on the street because this particular convent require me to sell everything I have before enter.
I did found one way, however, to have what I want without taking risk. The plan is, since I never enjoyed material things or a lavish life anyway, I can continue to live a simple, frugal life and retire in 10 years. Then I will move to Hanceville, AL and live near the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Then I can live the same schedule as the nuns there without having to deal with community living which lead to the risk of getting kicked out and lose everything. I will also get to visit my parents and siblings and spend whatever amount of time with them whenever I like. However, no plan is perfect, I don’t want to wait 10 years and there is no guarantee I won’t get into an accident and die before the 10 years. Then my dream of being able to spend 1 last night with Jesus shortly before I leave this earth won’t come true. “If Angels could be jealous of men, they would be so for one reason: Holy Communion”. And I don’t want to waste my times on earth not being able to spend my days and nights in adoration.