Hello - I’m just wondering this for my own reasons. I’ve been in a serious relationship for awhile, and I am wondering if my boyfriend (finally) proposes if I have to be confirmed to be married in the Church? Or if there are ways around it?
Okay… so you will need to know a bit of history to understand the full situation. I am a cradle Catholic and attended Catholic school up until seventh grade. I attended two grade schools and had huge issues with both the schools. I was a quiet child and bullied relentlessly during school. Gosh, it started in kindergarten with my teacher. Also my mom recently let me know that the school was very dismissive of my intellect despite the fact that I scored very high on the standardized tests in fourth grade. After that, my parents put me in another Catholic school. In this school, I ran into a bunch of “mean girls” and got sent nasty notes to my house. My mom contacted the school, but the students in question were from parents politically active in the parish and it was my fault because I wasn’t “assertive” enough. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and going to junior high at a public school. I suffered from serious eating disorders in junior high. I did end up going to a Catholic High School because the college prep curriculum at the local high school was awful. After two years of therapy, my psychologist determined that I was strong enough to handle it and provided me with coping strategies. I am grateful for the education I received in terms of college prep because I did get into some quite good colleges and it made my transition to college easier. However, the political stuff continued in high school. I just ignored it as my therapist suggested.
Around this time, kids are prepared for Confirmation. Based on the above experiences, I decided not to go through with the process. My experiences with priests and nuns were quite bad and I didn’t really know any good Catholic lay people other than my parents. I do appreciate many aspects of the Church, but really didn’t want to be an adult member of an institution where such blatant hypocrites were honored. My parents were supportive of my decision and it was the first truly “adult” one that I made. Being decisive and saying “no” really helped with my recovery.
I did spend quite a few years as a “recovering Catholic” and only returned as a practicing Catholic in the last few years because I found a quite good parish with a quite good priest. However, I still wouldn’t want to get confirmed because I’m honoring the decision I made when I was thirteen and I’m still quite convinced that the same hypocrisy exists in the Church. I’m hesitant to post here because I really don’t need lectures as somehow seems to happen. I would like some practical advice about the situation. I would obviously like any potential marriage to be recognized.