There are so many layers to this issue that I want advice on, I'm just going to unpack them from the oldest issue to the most recent twists.
I have been in a long-distance relationship with this guy (we're both practicing Catholics) for over three years. I fell in love with him mainly because I feel so comfortable around him. It just feels like home. I'm also attracted to some of his traits. Our relationship has been continuous the entire three years. We've been faithful to each other. We started out seeing each other once a month, but since he has moved to the other side of the country, I've only been seeing him once every 3-4 months. Things have been pretty good. Usually, when we have a disagreement, he gets his way, but I'm usually not bitter about that. We're polar opposites in many things. I'm liberal, he's conservative. I'm a theology student, he couldn't care less about analyzing his faith (he's Catholic because he was born into it). My view of the future is that I want to travel the world and try to make the world a better place, his desire is to have a white picket fence and as many children as he can afford.
So, this past May we got engaged. I said yes because we had been planning to get married pretty much since our first date. I still feel at home with him.
Since we got engaged, I've been thinking more seriously about marrying him. Do I really want to marry someone who is so...unlike me? I know the rest of my life will have to conform to his ideals (he doesn't compromise well). Am I willing to give up my whole identity simply because being with him feels like home?
I have heard that when you're trying to discern something, whatever it is that makes you feel most free is God's will. Well, to be honest, when I thought earlier this week that I was going to go through with it and leave him, that was the best sleep I got in a while.
To add a complication to all of this, there is a first year seminarian at my school that I think I'm falling for. He and I do seem to have the same desires for the future, there seems to be more overlap between our worldviews. He has taken simple vows with his order, but not solemn vows. We haven't been on a date, I haven't shared with him my feelings, because given the fact I'm engaged to be married and he's basically engaged to the Church, I don't think either of those things would be appropriate. Besides, I've only known him for three weeks, so I can't say anything definitive yet except that I fell really guilty for having feelings like this for another man, especially another man who is a novitiate.
Please help me.