I just called them for emotional crisis, NOT suicide, and they are NOT Christian; I got routed to a local helpline which I let ring about 50 times, finally someobdy picked up, a young man, and told me not to call on that line, he had to keep it open, I immediately asked whether this was [my location] and he confirmed that it was and for all I know he could be one of my husband’s friends/cohorts, sure sounded like the type.
So I finally called back on the local number just to make sure he wouldn’t call the cops on me, we had a brief chat, I do feel a little better because although I am not suicidal I was thinking about death because the sleep med my pcp took me off last night had made me so desperately ill today, on top of the month-long bowel (sorry) disturbance and urinary tract difficulties.
I have two injunction hearings on Thursday and I am just afraid I won’t be able to sleep at night and won’t be able to stay awake during the day. I am also TERRRIFIED because of a phone call with my mother, who informed me she plans to fly down here, I stopped her there because that means she intends to support my husband, she is supposed to take anti-psychotic medication herself but has been pimping me to psych wards (you can take that as a typo) since I was 21 and helps my husband do the same. She managed to get in the phrase there are “big things in the works,” which could mean anything, like, she has to get on a plane, or my husband wants to turn it around on me in some wayk but, coming from her, full of the “power of suggestion,” I have been dancing around those words in my mind ever since and worrying like mad, as I said. So I am back to “No further contact” with her (or my Dad, same thing).
I successfully avoided my husband’s final intimidation call, he has been taking all the mail except the letter from his lawyer on Saturday stating his notice of appearance.
But I am still a little scared, things get dicey here in South Florida, it’s really not a civilised place. You probably don’t know and don’t WANT to know what it feels like to be cuffed again and again and put in the back of a police car (the seats are hard) and taken to a psychiatric ward, let alone what it feels like to be tasered on the neck and to hit a ceramic tile floor when the jolt flips you off your feet.
So yes, it got a little ugly, this phone call. If you don’t have problems in your community you are fine, just know that that national number routes you to a local one.
I see my LOVELY, CHRISTIAN, FEMALE, also MATURE PCP tomorrow afternoon so even if I don’t get any sleep tonight I will be okay, I can sleep in the morning.
I think I made that phone call just as the Doxepin (older anti-depressant still used for sleep, very “dirty” drug) was breaking from me, feeling better now, thoughts of death gone. I just needed to hear a human voice and I did get that, so, I guess I have to thank that poor fellow for being there, I’m sure he meant well, it’s just, things get around here, there’s a terrible rumor mill.
Thanks for listening.