Do people have unreasonable expectations of you, because you're Christian?


Not sure if this is the most appropriate section, but please relocate this thread mods, if I put it in the wrong spot–thanks.

I don’t know if I just want to vent, or if I’d like advice…I might need both.

I have noticed in my life over the years, that when people find out you’re a devout Christian, sometimes, some, take advantage of you. Like you’re supposed to just tolerate all kinds of behavior, and if you react, well, then you’re not exhibiting ‘Christian behavior.’ I really think that I have met someone who takes advantage of me here at work. I thought we were friends, well, I am to her, but she is showing her true colors more and more each day, and I can’t help but wonder had she not known I was Christian, would she push the envelope? I have decided to distance myself from her, because I don’t need ‘friends’ who mistreat me or who use me. Which is how I feel. I don’t get close with too many at work, but every now and then, you have lunch with someone who you feel is becoming more of a friend, but in this case–I must have misread her.

It’s not just here, I have noticed that when people find out I’m Christian, they abuse boundaries…asking me for way too many favors which really borderlines rudeness. I can’t help but think it’s because people have this notion that Christians should just be so welcoming, and always accomodating. I have put up boundaries with neighbors back in PA, and suddenly the ‘friendship’ stopped. My take is that if you’re only my friend to use me, you’re not a friend.

Anyways, just curious if anyone here ever feels that they are held to this unreasonable standard of niceness because you have shared that you’re Christian with others? Yes, I try to always be polite to people, but I don’t believe because I’m Christian, I should be a doormat for people to use.

Thoughts? Thanks for listening.:o


I think that some people think that Christians are supposed to be super nice however, I don’t think every person wants to take advantage just because they are.



Lol, it’s true. If I get mad, it’s like, “K, where did your Christian spirit go?” Like being a Christian is about pleasing people? Or people thinking that I think sex is “bad” and that I should become a nun because apparently “spiritual people don’t have sex”. Or people trying to get me to do everything for them. Or if I get hurt and I let out an obscenity (because I stub my toe in something or do something that’s shockingly and heavily painful), it’s like, “You’re not supposed to say those words.” Or people freaking out because I listen to rock music and I want a tattoo. Or that I’ve had wine (but I’m Italian! It’s cultural! It’s with family! Sadly, people think the only reason people should drink is to get drunk, which is dumb). Or that I actually know about science (well I should! I took six years worth in five years and started college as a premed student! Even though I chose not to follow that path).

And then people acting condescending to me and acting like I possess no intelligence or common sense, because I’m pro life or because there are certain things that I won’t do. People who assume I’m not “adult” enough because I don’t engage in drunkenness or premarital sex and have never been to a frat party.

Needless to say, I’m not in contact much with a lot of these people anymore.

I know, I should say how I really feel, right? :smiley:

Trust me, I’ve been there and I’m glad you stand up for yourself.


You know, I’ve never experienced this.

But, perhaps that’s because I give off the vibe more along the lines of “don’t tread on me” than “walk this way”.



Growing up I watched people in my family make comments like “Oh, she shouldn’t be doing that, because she’s CATHOLIC.” Or “If Catholicism was really try, he wouldn’t be acting like that. That’s not how TRUE Christians act.”

It’s one of my biggest fears that those same comments are being said about me behind my back. I know that there are some people who think I need to do everything perfect or else I’m “proving” Catholicism isn’t true or that I’m not a real Christian. :frowning:

I’ve also gotten the “how can you be a Catholic and in science” mentality, or the “how can you be Catholic and have a degree” thought, like I should resign myself to being completely stupid or better yet, bury my head in the sand about science. People get pretty confused when I tell them that I don’t fear science, that I can be both religious and a scientist.


I think you are right WG. Being a doormat isn’t Christian, its really more like abuse.

But at the same time, secular society seems to have regulated ‘genuine help’ (i.e that above common courtesy, such as helping someone with the bills and not expecting anything to be paid back) to ‘being a doormat’ too.

In fact, it isn’t; its grace-inducing, its Catholic, and its what we should be doing. But there is also a point at which you do become a doormat, like when people expect things of you that you have no reasonable Christian right to fulfill, - like looking after their kids for free on a regular basis, or expecting you to help them out with their work shift, every day.

I think you already know the boundaries, and are doing well to prevent yourself from being exhausted by people’s unreasonable requests, so this post is more of a thumbs up :thumbsup:, and a ‘keep up the good work’ :clapping:


I’ve been known to say that the only difference between this sinner and the others is that I have Confession available :smiley:

That tends to deflate those unreasonable expectations…


I have relatives who have “issues” with organized religion, who love to look at every ****** thing people they know, who go to church, do, and say, “They’re such hypocrites. Nice church-going people, there.” The concept of church being a hospital for sinners and not a hotel for the saints doesn’t make any sense to them.

I’ve found that if someone claims to be a church-going Christian, they are given no leeway in terms of sin. Yet when someone who claims to be Christian yet never goes to church engages in the same sins, their religion is never thrown in their face. In my experience, it is the church-going factor that changes people’s tolerance.


:wink: Just remember, you only have two cheeks to turn.




Users, sociopaths, and narcissists use whatever advantage they perceive. These people know they can get to you by accusing you of not being a good Christian. So they use that. It’s a quality of the people using it against you, not you.

Your only obligation is to recognize it for what it is, and not allow it to work! :wink:


People shoud notice that we are different by the way we love.

John chapter 13…“This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”


Yes, I think people (Christian and non-Christian) put unreasonable expectations on Christians and that it often involves either demanding that they “turn the other cheek” or that they forgive someone however horrible the thing they have had done to them is or how many times it has been done.

Sometimes it is a misinterpretation of what is expected of a Christian and sometimes it is sheer manipulation as duskyjewel stated.


Yes, we should love others and live in such as way that other’s can see our faith and come to believe. Sometimes people who may be familiar with Christian doctrine seem to test our faith and patience, pushing their agendas and expecting us to say nothing. Saying nothing in the face of sin isn’t always the loving thing to do. We must be simultaneously wise and innocent when we encounter certain types of people.

Behold, I am sending you like sheep in the midst of wolves; so be shrewd as serpents and simple a doves.” Matt 10:16


I’m a little sleepy this morning, but plan to reply later…thanks for the very insightful posts. I can see I’m not alone. I actually was a little emotional when I posted this yesterday–but today, being a new day and all…I have a different outlook. I can’t change how people treat me, but I can respond in kindness, but I don’t have to be taken advantage of. If I am, it is something I’m exuding that might tell people…‘take advantage of me.’ :blush: I will be back later…

After I finish my morning cup of coffee, that is.:coffeeread:


Anti-Christians are also very eager to prop up someone (like Jesse Jackson recently) as an example of the hypocrisy of Christianity who isn’t a good example to begin with. Often any war with religious undertones leads to the secular cry of “Religion is the root of all wars!!” Of course, you have to be very selective to come to that conclusion…but alas…Christians have unreasonable expectations on many fronts.


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