I appreciate the input. Im at my lowest point ever right now. I have not had an easy life but have always taken what God has given me ( Being held at gunpoint as a teen, being abused by babysitter as a little girl, not feeling loved by my parents, being bullied throughout school, two miscarriages). I have never once asked God to take this cup…but this I just can’t …I can’t without help here. I have gone to confession, I have forgiven others, I haven’t missed mass…etc. I just don’t know what else to do.
I can’t accept that I’m “supposed to grow” in this silence. Isn’t it what God wants, for us to lean on him in our time of need? to rely on him and not man? I can’t lean on anyone else but him. I am alone and I need him. I pray day and night for help. Ive reached my darkest hour. I
Don’t ask for much or anything at all really, except for the health of my children.
But I pray and pray. And I ask at least twice a day via prayer for the intercession of all the angels and saints (and specifics) and yet nothing. I gotta think that if I were a saint and someone called upon me to help, the very least I would think I would do is send some sort of sign as comfort. Something to let the petitioner know they were not alone. Kwim? I know… His ways are not my ways… but still.
I feel like The existing directtv customer. Like I’m already a customer and so I don’t get any “deal or special offer”. I’m already a believer, I don’t need the prayer answered to be a believer and so it doesn’t matter if i get answered or acknowledged… it’s not like I can decide to leave the faith. Then I’ll never see my kids again.
Thank you for listening and allowing me to vent and taking the time to read and/or answer. I’m just … idk