I would probably say from my experience an update in any institution on the face of this earth tends to occur when an Authority deems that an update is necessary. I hear you and would love to have a civil discussion on any of these topics. However, in the end unless you or I can show that we were given the authority from God to make these changes how are we able to claim that the Bible or the Church is outdated, solely based on the fact that we are unwilling to accept Her teaching on (fill in the objection here)?
That is the number one problem in our society today, an unwillingness to accept authority in our lives.
Pick any one of those topics and in the end it has nothing to do with updating what is now true, it comes down to me doing whatever I want to do when I want to do it and no one has any business telling me what I should do or which parts of the Bible I need to believe in.
Maybe try to be a little kinder than me but if they aren’t willing to discuss who has the authority then they are pretty much letting you know that nothing you say is acceptable since they are the ones in charge.