If things don’t work out the first time with a person for whatever reason, do you believe in second chances? Let’s say you parted on amicable terms.
As time goes by, we tend to forget the ugly and remember only the nice stuff. So in some cases we want to go back.
But soon the old bad stuff comes up again.
And this time you hurt more.
Just my opinion, of course.
I second the NOPE. I tried this a few years back…dated a man in college. Then I met up with him 20 years later and dated him again…then it was revealed to my exactly why we parted ways 20 years earlier.
What if it were things that are beyond your control? As in timing?
if you mean for a relationship… there are 6 billion people in the world. 3 billion of the opposite sex.
that means the person you’re giving a second chance to is better than 299,999,999,999 people out there. roughly speaking.
the math is too big for me to take seriously.
if you are married, different story. better or worse involves a vow. take that seriously and let there be 100,000,000 chances if need be.
but if you’re just dating, or not married. run from second chances.
Be hard-headed, and soft-hearted - don’t kid yourself about what caused the break-up and be prepared to have some difficult conversations about what went wrong, and how you will need to fix it.
But at the same time, be open to love, and be ready and willing to do what it takes to solve the problems. Not to ignore them or to pretend they don’t exist, but to work together toward a solution.
I think it depends. (don’t you just love that answer? )
If you were seriously dating and you broke up for good reason (personality or moral issues) then no you shouldn’t revist the past.
If on the other hand you were casually flirting or went on a few dates but weren’t serious and things didn’t work out simple because of timing (like you leaving school or moving before things were serious) then there might be some possiblity to date again.
or just run. Why enter into a situation that went south the first time?
I am not sure I buy the timing thing. If it was meant to be the first time round, it would have worked out.
Going to speak to you as if you were my own dear family member - MOVE ON, let it GO already
Really, do people break up and then get back together again and it work out… sometimes, yes. Usually if the people were good friends first, they may take a “cool off” period and then…
It’s the only answer that makes sense to me.
Some break-up issues probably should be permanent. The majority of failed relationships probably fall into this category. But there are other issues like age, location, independence, financial security, etc. that time can sometimes fix.
A break-up may have occurred because one (or both) parties didn’t consider him/herself ready for a serious relationship or if one party didn’t think the other party was ready. But that doesn’t imply there was anything wrong with the other person; at some points in the lives of people there are commitments that can reasonably rank higher than relationships. The wrong thing would be if someone expected a potential mate to hang around when the relationship is obviously less important than other pursuits.
Not everyone has to get engaged while in college or soon after. Some people won’t be ready/meet an appropriate partner until they are in their late 20’s, their 30’s, their 40’s, or even later. The perfect person then might be someone from an earlier time.
(But I do think break-ups that work out later are the exception rather than the rule.)
You are very smart because i agree 100%! I am 27 and can’t imagine having been ready before hand to marry but that was because i had to let God heal me and our relationship had to be on track before i would understand or be ready to take on the committment of marriage. The women before would not have been a good wife. The women now is a women who would God willing can be a good wife and mother.
Sure, I believe in second chances. But only after there’s a good, clean break and you’re not LOOKING for that second chance. Anything’s possible, but if you’re dealing with a break-up right now, I suggest you stay far away from him/her, don’t write, don’t call, don’t attempt to meet. Forget it. Move on. If God wants a second chance to turn into a permanent thing, it’ll happen. Don’t try to make it happen.
Someone there ought to become a lawyer.
I used not to believe in second chances. Later, I made some exceptions. Now, I’m single. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t work out for some people, but I guess that’s probably people with quite a temper, like those who need time away from each other from time to time anyway.
If you were seriously involved and it didn’t work out, then no. You broke up for a reason, and as much as you might like to deny or sugar-coat it, that reason is still there. So you get back together and get in even deeper, and then once both of you are feeling comfortable again, the old habits begin to reappear, and before long you are thinking, “Oh yes, now I remember why we broke up!” And you have wasted all of that time when you might have been out meeting someone more appropriate for you. Been there, done that, more than once.
If you only casually dated and never got beyond that because of circumstances, then there might be a chance that things will work out this time. But in most cases, forget about this person and move on.
If we didn’t believe in second chances, everyone in the world would be divorced. I know you are not married…but with all things, through outside help, intervention, even counseling and also training…things do work and sometime better because you have grown through the problem.
But with all things, start with prayer. There is a wonderful website just launched by the US Catholic Council of bishops, called that offers all kinds of help foryourmarriage.org/ for newlyweds, engaged, and people contemplating long term relationships…as well as married people. Worth looking into. Click on the site map for all kinds of topics. It might offer some insights on how to resolve whatever situation, broke the two of you apart from the get go.
Pray on it.
Second…and third…and… Ofcourse I was also 18 and the man did turn out to be my husband so I am a bit biased.
Well, generally I would say no, but if everyone said that then I know two couples who wouldn’t be together right now. One is married and expecting in March, and the other will be married in June. But when those two couples got back together, it was after being apart for awhile and not speaking much during that period. And then once they were older and discussed what exactly went wrong, they decided that the problems that existed the first time are no longer true. And truly discussing what went wrong also requires a lot on both sides; you both have to be willing to accept responsibility. Sometimes people deserve second chances, but I don’t think that you can usually truly decide that until after you’ve experienced life without that person for awhile.
It depends. If both of you truly forgive and forget about bad things that happened between the two of you in the past, I think that there is a big chance of succeeding the second time around.