It is impossible for any soul to seek God without God draw that soul to Himself. The seeking of God is a grace from Him, it is not just something we can simply set out to do, the very desire for Him He enkindles in your heart. This aching in your heart is at times painful for you, but God placed that yearning into your heart by grace and He is a keeper of His promises and Jesus has said ‘Knock and the door shall be opened to you, seek and you shall find, ask and you shall receive’, so trust that His consolation is assured to you.
It is a greater blessing to persevere in faith and never receive a single consolation than it is to receive many consolations. Your consolation will be in heaven if you ‘run the race’ by God’s grace!
You are a young person setting out on the long, hard and narrow road of life in faith in Jesus. Remember when Jesus started His ministry He went out and spent forty days and nights in the desert an arid and desolate place. Unite yourself with Jesus there and offer your aching heart to God the Father on the Altar at Holy Mass as your sacrifice for your soul and those of others and for love of God.
Try and sit with Jesus infront of the Blessed Sacrament. You don’t have to say anything, you can simply keep Him company and be assured He will always keep you company even if you don’t sense His Presence, you might like to pray and ask for the grace of trust in this.
Jesus didn’t ever say faith would be easy, but He did say that He would always be with us and He doesn’t lie! Don’t rely on your feelings, they’re like dreams in the wind, rely on the Lord who is and is never changing.
St Paul said ‘There are three things that remain, faith, hope and love and the greatest of these is love’ Keep that love and seeking of Jesus in your heart and continue to pray then the others, faith and hope will fall into place. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so neither is faith, it’s a journey and it takes a whole lifetime and is only completed in eternity, that takes forever! Do your best to do all that Jesus has asked you to do in the Gospel, keep the Sacraments and try not to be too hard on yourself, being merciful, kind and loving to others and yourself and always pray with your heart unceasingly in all you do.
I’ll do you a deal, you pray for me from time to time and I will keep you in my prayers.
God Bless you and much love and peace to you