**Well…another Tennessean! I might just be able to have you over for coffee/tea and settle this matter in my living room. Sorry, I just don’t see many persons from Tennessee on here. Nice to meet you! **
You might think you hate, you might get so angry inside that you feel that you hate, but you might still not truly want to hate. Does that make sense?
I have never felt that I hated my husband. But I have been angry at him. I have had thoughts of “what on earth brought us to marriage…we are so DIFFERENT. We have nothing in common.” But, then I have been to many years of therapy and have learned to distinguish the feeling of hate vs. just heated/strong anger.
There is a difference. Hate is something very vicious, very cruel, a force of the enemy (satan.) Anger (even strong anger) can be thought, felt, and come out in actions. So long as it is only thought/felt it remains just that a thought a feeling. Anger is an emotion, a very empowering emotion. It’s what we choose to do with that emotion that can make or break us. If we use it to constructively argue a noble cause, there’s nothing wrong with it. If we choose instead to use it to lash out at the other, or use it for a silly, or unjust cause, then it is sinful. Remember, even Jesus got angry, but, His was a just anger. Fighting to save a marriage can be a just anger. Fighting to save an innocent person can be a just anger. Just anger is not sinful. It is merely an emotion or feeling.
After I think for a while upon “I wonder what led us to marriage…we are so completely different and have nothing in common” I sit alone for hours and just think. And that helps a great deal. I think about all the things that led us to marriage. About all of the things we DO have in common. About what led me to marry this man in the first place, about all the obsticles we had to conquer to get wher we are now. All the pain and heartbreak, all the wrongs done, and hurt feelings caused. About what it would mean to leave all that behind. To leave behind the frustrations, the sorrows, the struggles, the cross. But, then, also the joys, graces, life long friendship, and blessings. To leave my husband behind, for good, to never see, hear, touch, or be near him again.
Those thoughts chill my spine. They are unbearably cold, dark, lonely, painful, and unthinkable. So, then I think, well if we are such the opposites, and have seemingly nothing in common why am I still here a year and a half later. Why do I still cling to this man, and even love him so much?
**Then I think about only the good. I think about all the good times we’ve had together. The blessings and prayers we’ve shared. The family moments, the intimacy, the love, the friendsip, the joy. **
**I bet if you made a list of all of the good that has happened in your marriage, and one of the bad, that the good would far outweigh the bad. Imagine what your life would be like if you never got to experience one of those things from the “good list” ever again. **
Then there would be so much less to want to hate about, though, I have a feeling that you are only feeling anger, as strong as it might feel, and not hate. I do not see you siding with the enemy here. Hate is truly the most powerful emotion, save love. I think you love much more than you hate. So you are siding with love and Jesus Who is Love itself, and not hate, which is of satan. Remember, even Jesus got angry. Jesus got so angry that he threw all the money collectors out of His Fathers house. Anger is not a sin, its what you do with that anger that makes it sinful.
**I see here anger and love, a very strong love even, and not hate. ****I would be happy to offer you more advice, but I don’t know your situation very well. So it is hard to talior it to you personally. You may PM me if you want to talk more, and I would be happy to help you the best that I can! **
**Blessings and prayers for you and yours! **