What are your ideals about God? Jesus?
What I mean is, how do you perceive God? How do you perceive Jesus? And why do you perceive God this way?
Often the way you perceive God will dictate your relationship with Him. So, if you think of God as wrathful and hellbent, then in all likelihood you will continue to filter God’s mercy through the lens of eternal damnation. However, if you begin to realize that God is gracious and abounding in mercy, which is what constitutes His love, then you will begin to have a healthier relationship in your faith.
There was a time, not too long ago, honestly, where I not only feared I was going to hell but had resigned myself to the fact that I was hellbound. It seemed impossible to ever be worthy of heaven - and this is precisely the point. We’ll never be worthy! (Frightening, isn’t it, to delve into the uncertain? But this is faith.)
Read through the First Epistle of John a couple of times and meditate on the things he says, but more importantly, contemplate what St. Paul says in his letter to the Romans:
Did the good, then, become death for me? Of course not! Sin, in order that it might be shown to be sin, worked death in me through the good, so that sin might become sinful beyond measure through the commandment. We know that the law is spiritual; but I am carnal, sold into slavery to sin. What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I concur that the law is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not. For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want. Now if (I) do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. So, then, I discover the principle that when I want to do right, evil is at hand. For I take delight in the law of God, in my inner self, but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore, I myself, with my mind, serve the law of God but, with my flesh, the law of sin.