Do you need your parents consent to be married?

Hi there, I was wondering if anyone could tell me and my fiancee that in order to get married in the catholic church we absolutely must get our parents consent?

she is from america and I am local in the town where we are getting married.

the priest who is to marry us well, he desired a letter of consent from my fiancees parents. then when her mother was over she wrote a letter and signed for both her and her husband ( husband was absent ). however the priest has just called me and said that the father in years to come could look back and say he objected to the wedding and it wouldnt be legal to accept such a letter. however, the whole legality side of it is to do with the state is it not? we were gonna get married first civilly then get the blessing and the civil registration did not need a letter of consent from our parents.

is this priest just messing with us? whats going on? we are confused.

your help would be much appreciated
God bless

Parents have to give consent if the child is underage.

I’ve never heard of parents having to give consent in any other situation – heck, I’ve got a friend whom the priest encouraged to elope (and have a Catholic wedding, mind you) because her parents would have never consented to her marriage. She’s now been happily married for over 30 years.

That said, it’s possible that the Bishops of Ireland have some rules that are not in place elsewhere.

While at any age, you should strongly consider your parents’ advice and objections about whomsoever you marry, parental consent is needed ONLY for civil purposes if either party is under age, which in the USA is usually 18 for women and 21 for men.

The final decision is the couple’s, if both are adults.

It just occurred to me that the PRIEST might see an either legal or canonical problem with performing the marriage since the woman is NOT a citizen of Ireland. Ask him to clarify.

hehe well, we are definitely not under age, she is 30, and I am approaching 25.

I think I smell a rat then, and shall be notifying the civil registrar of our problem.
I shall look forward to some more answers though, and shall wait through the night before getting in contact with him tomorrow.

In all states on the Western US, the age of consent is 18. My priest never stated he needed my, or my fiance’s, “parental thumbs up”. Something is fishy here :confused:

Yes it sounds like theres a big rancid salmon in the lake, because he told me weeks ago that because I was out of town and in Scotland for a while that I needed my parents written ( letter ) consent also. so while on the phone he told me ‘‘stephen as for the letter you gave me from your parents, I dont need it, as your local.’’:confused:

I am very displeased in the church in these last days, and its a pure sign that our vocation is real.

God bless
Stephen <3

Remember, it’s not the Church, it is some individuals being difficult. :wink: I will pray for you and your intended.

hahaha, yes Spaceneedle I understand, infact the priest knows of my spirituality and my fiancees, that I am going to do my bachelors of arts in divinity this septmember, so I dont know why he would oppose such a spiritual wedding.

and as for truth vs conduct you have no worries in me leaving the church on such reasons lol just take a look at my blog

Stephen <3

Stephen, you also might consider contacting the diocese just to be sure. Be sure to start with, she’s 24 and I’m 30.

Thank you reginacaeli, although I do think we shall be starting with the words, ‘‘shes 30 and i’m 24’’ lol

thank you for the advice, we’ll see it through and see what happens.

God bless and take care
Stephen <3

Maybe he’s not looking for consent as much as evidence that she is free to marry. How else would he know being in another country ? We don’t always have the banns read but get witnesses to testify in writing that a person is free to marry.

Yes but that evidence has already been given, as we have our letter of freedom to marry as written from her local parish in new jersey, so what else could be the problem? what more evidence does he need?

Stephen <3

The Church used to post Banns, the names of those wishing to get Married in the parish. The purpose was that if anyone knew that one of the was Married prior or some other reason they could speak up. May parishes now ask the parents to sign a statement saying that they do not know of any prior Marriages or reasons the Marriage should not take place. This may be the reason for your pastor asking for her parents to sign a statement, since she is not known by anyone over there.

Yes but such a requirement is not to be found within any law in the church, a letter of freedom to marry from her parish should be enough.

what more evidence does one need?
because tomorrow unless he accepts our current position, then we shall have to revert to civil registration, and then get our blessing. it doesnt seem fair as it was him who persuaded us to not get married civilly and then get the blessing, but to get married in the church and get both done together. first when he asked her for her name, she gave her last name which is ‘‘mocco’’ and he said ‘’ is that a muslim name?’’ he then proceded to tell me that he suspected that there was a bit of a muslim in me, then I gave him my chokti or prayer rope and asked him to bless it, which he had no problem in doing and then proceded to tell me that it was a very muslim looking prayer rope.

I mean seriously, whats the whole muslim thing? my wife to be wears her veil to church, is he perhaps a liberalist? I’ve no idea.

God bless

Thank you so much for your contribution Brother
God bless

I seem to recall that years ago parishes in my diocese would not marry women under the age of 20 and men under the age of 21 without approval from the parents. (This impacted a friend of mine who married a month before her 20th birthday. I have no idea if this is still the case.

But this seems rather odd since both of you are much older.

In the 1980s, an Irish pastor in the USA, at my parish, used to ask to meet with parents of fiances if they were still living at home, or were 25 and younger.

Well it’s found in Church Law by way of the requirement that the pastor be as certain as possible that both people are free to Marry and that there are no other impediments. There is a canon law that requires this of him. the letter should be enough as long as she was known in that parish since she was about 16. If she had married between 16 and 24 most likely the parish would have known about it if it was a valid marriage.

Yes she has been known in this parish since she was aged 9 therefore no other letter is needed.

So I think he’s just being very abusive towards us and really thinks that my fiancee is just trying to get into the country as he keeps asking her if we are getting married just so she can work in the country.

God bless.
Stephen <3

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