Like for example like making everyday decisions living in agreement that kind of thing. I know of course that faith is what’s most important. That’s what I said to someone and they said, “yes faith is most important but you also need to have something in common besides faith.”
I think that it’s best to have something besides faith too.
I would make a distinction between ‘similar in thinking’ and ‘have something in common’. I would say the former has to do with how you process information and come to a conclusion. The second is more about interests, likes, and dislikes.
I would hope that two people wouldn’t be TOO similar in thinking. But they would have to respect each other’s ways of thinking and be willing to see the value of the other method. Common interests are useful because fun is a good way to build the relationship. Not all interests need to be the same but hopefully a few are. For instance, a technology addict and a get-away-from-the-modern-world type might have some issues.
I think shared values are VERY important. Values go beyond faith. They include everything from views on daycare and school choices as well as such things as types of food allowed in the home and how much time to spend as a family.
Yes, absolutely. You must share **more **than your faith. There are many areas in which you must be compatible and in agreement.
I think they should discuss the areas within marriage that will call for decision making before marriage, such as finances, children, discipline, relative importance of work, possessions, home, faith life etc. They don’t necessarily have to agree on details but they should both be operating from the same underlying assumptions and beliefs. For instance, if one considers life is an adventure, and would like to live and work on various parts of the world, and the other refuses to even consider moving away from their family, their is a problem. If one considers saving for retirement and education a major need, and the other thinks money is to spend, there is a problem. If one feels God should be the center of the marriage, and the other feels any religion is okay as long as it only interferes with life on Sunday (and then only before noon), there is a problem.
I think couples above all, besides sharing the faith, should be able to have lots of fun together and have that “special chemistry”. Then, they should have similar goals about children, life, career, etc., but not necessarily the same opinions on everything. That would make life very dull! My husband and I have had differing opinnions on everything from politics to how to raise our four children. And we have had a wonderful marriage for the last 21 years! Every day gets better and better…and we still don’t agree on everything. We’ve learned just to let it go rather than argue.
21 YEARS…Of awesome!
Now THAT’S what us nutty people in love wanna hear.
Ahem, just venting, what with wedding coming up and all…pardon!
congratulations, first of all! I enjoy hearing these stories, especially now I’m married again! Makes me feel good!
I agree with your post, as well …
I tell my friends that my DH “balances” me, and challenges me to be a better person. He’s strong in areas where I am weak, and vice versa.
There are some areas you MUST see eye to eye on, or it’s a deal breaker (for me, it’s faith, fidelity, honesty, respect, children, and a host of others!) There are some areas where my husband and I have reached an impasse … we’ve agreed to disagree …
My husband and I have been married 24 years, and I have found that the longer we are married, the more similar our outlook on life and opinions have become. They certainly didn’t start out that way, but we have always been able to laugh together, and that makes up for most differences!
agree with RWMorris
My wife of 25 years was a good high school friend first (dated my buddy) and my chemistry partner in lab our senior year (talk about chemistry - I would have flunked without her!) So we had many similar interests and backgrounds before we even started dating. Loved same music, bands, sports (how lucky am I), food, and basically she was a great friend first. Then we fell in love and I knew within a few weeks this was the right girl for me. We went to different colleges even and I knew there was no one else for me because of those shared common interests - faith, family, friends, ideas, and just a lot of fun to be around. God truly blessed me and thank God I was smart enough to see it!
Now we finish each other sentences, we know what each likes in art, music, home furnishings, comedy, politics, food, how we raise our 2 wonderful boys, and our faith. I’m a cantor, she’s a lector. We are very blessed and we are grateful. It has helped us endure the tough times (one son is being treated for cancer). Many folks who go through that kind of experience are not lucky enough to make the marriage last through that kind of stress. I believe our similar backgrounds and thinking have undoubtedly been the “stuff” that has made us weather the storm.
Our anniversary is in July and we intend to celebrate it with much success and prayers in thanksgiving. Good luck and God Bless.