Do you think it is wrong to jokingly insult good friends?

I have a couple good friends that I have known practically since birth. We might as well be siblings, but better because I don’t have to live with them. Anyways, the other day we were all hanging out and we were sitting around and talking and insulting each other like friends do. Like telling a story, and someone calls out how stupid you were in something you did and someone else criticizes your sentence structure and somebody else makes a really idiotic pun and everyone starts bagging on him for it, and then everybody laughs.

I know it’s wrong to insult or offend people, but we’ve known each other for so long that there’s just that assurance there, that we will always love each other and respect each other, and there is that mutual understanding that when we say “You’re so dumb” or “I hate you” it really means the opposite, you know?
What do you think? Is it wrong?

No. Self deprecating banter is good !!! My best friends and I are always at it

I had friends like that in college. Fortunately, no longer; I don’t keep people like that as friends, because it becomes too hard to tell the difference between friends who are “pimping” you (that was our word for it in the late 1960s) and people who really don’t like you.

I don’t know whether it’s a sin or not, but I definitely consider it to be bad form.

You don’t know if you’re hurting someone’s feelings deep down. I had friends who treated me horribly and harassed me almost every day, but their excuse was “this is what friends do!” I didn’t agree. :frowning:

To quote Kenneth Copeland (which I don’t often do), “With friends like that, who needs the Devil?”

I don’t agree that insults are good. I think it’s the worst thing you could do to someone. I don’t know how many times I got insulted and then told “But I was just joking!” It isn’t a joke to hurt someone.

I think there are occasional times when that can work, as long as everyone is in on the joke, and as long as the person receiving the insults has a thick skin and doesn’t take it personally.

But ordinarily I prefer to be around people who say positive things to me, and who affirm my good qualities. Those are the people I prefer to spend my free time with.

I think this is more common among male friends. As is physical “fighting” between brothers. Most of the time, I’d say it falls under, “good-natured jesting”. Meaning that one who dishes it out, can also take it.


Ok well I’m not talking about deep insults, like finding flaws with their personalities, characteristics, life choices and then laughing about it. Usually it’s pointing out something dumb they said or did in the moment (like someone flops down on their stomach. and someone is like haha you look like a walrus. and he’s like dude your face looks like a walrus. and then they’re like am I a beautiful walrus. no you’re an ugly walrus), or else stuff that doesn’t make any sense (it’s cold outside. haha you’re cold outside. ohh burn). They do it to me, i do it do them, and so far it’s all been fun and games. (if it makes any difference, yes they are all male)

Idk. I have some friends who are more sensitive about that kind of stuff, and I don’t do the same thing with them.

I don’t think it’s wrong but I can see how it can easily go wrong and cause harm.

I don’t understand why you would even want to insult people even in a joking manner. It seems to me more like passive aggressive slams than anything else. I guess if you yourself are questioning it something must not feel right to you.

You can find other things to joke around with your friends without throwing in put downs and insults, surely you can? :slight_smile:

I have a female friend I do this with, we are more like sisters than friends as we’ve known each other for 30+ years. We remind each other of things in the past that went disastrously wrong and we both laugh about it so much. It’s good to be able to laugh about things that weren’t laughing matters at the time.

When you have known someone all your adult life, and been through a great deal together, it’s almost like a social glue. I wouldn’t do it at all with people who were new friends, but this particular friend - I’d trust her with my life. :slight_smile:

I think many people are not thick-skinned and will not take it well. Meaning, they will be hurt by such words. For some, it is just fun, I suppose, but I am a person that does not have a thick skin or a sense of humor for such things, and I would not like it.

It really all depends on the crowd you are with. A person needs to be careful with such behavior because sometimes people do get hurt by words, but maybe they won’t show it.

Well said, LilacFlower.

I had a family member that did this type of thing constantly Butaperson, and thought that they were just really funny when they acted this way, with their veiled insults that were supposed to be “jokes.” It wasn’t funny to me, though. If I didn’t laugh, then I didn’t know “how to take a joke,” according to them.

They would say something insulting, and then follow up with it by saying, “just kidding.” Then they would make another rude comment and start all over again.

It got to the point where I just didn’t like being around them, their behavior was so off-putting to my husband and me.

I don’t mind jokes and comedy and humor, but not at someone else’s expense.

This is what my husband and I are like. As long as both people ok with it and it’s all in good fun there is no problem. Our kids are like this too, but we have taught them it is only fun (and funny) when both people are laughing. If anyone gets their feelings hurt it is no longer alright. I wouldn’t suggest being like that with a complete stranger or a sensitive type of person. And all parties involved need to be in in the joke. But in my lifetime I’ve noticed the happiest people are the people who are able to badger each other and don’t mind taking some badgering themselves. I think it’s because they don’t take things so seriously

A lot of good answers but I think this is the best.

It all depends on the people and the circumstance how far it goes and how often it happens.

You said in your OP, “I know it’s wrong to insult or offend people…”, and the key here is “offend” if your friends are not offended…then no problem, if they are, that is a different matter…and like someone said above, it can be hard to know if you have offended someone.



The one I’m most concerned with is the sensitive person (who doesn’t show it) who pretends to laugh and see it as a joke, but really is crying inside.

I have craved friends who could laugh at, not tiptoe around, my faults. So many in my life have vulnerable issues that I think they project them on to me. I think humor is a great way to deal with difficult and long term problems.

However, I remember two of my friends, in our twenties, using me for the subject of jokes and ridicule. The fact that they were both chronically depressed and very passive caused me to forgive them. But it was painful and it breached a trust with them after that.

I have seen the “roasts” that comics do for each other. You can tell when there is real love and friendship in their pokes at each other. I particularly enjoy the friendship of Martin Short and Steve Martin: much ribbing, pomposity, and deadpan sarcasm that seems to shine out to the world that they are good enough friends to pull this off. Now if some new comic on the block stepped in to join them, it could look pretty slimy or awkward.

So, save it for the circle of friends who agree that it’s just ribbing to keep our egos from swelling and any new members must go through an orientation.

It’s nothing more that playful banter. If it’s more, then it’s neither “jokingly” nor are they “good friends” like OP qualified.

If it, indeed, is a sin, then I’m on the HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHWAY TO HELL:whistle::whistle:

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