Do your parents ever ask you the race of the person you're seeing?


#1

Heh I get this all the time from my mom. The convo usually goes something like this:

Me: So I met this girl…
Mom: Is she black or white?
Me: Does it matter?

I recall when I was younger I would just lie about it (I’d just say the girl was black all the time) b/c there was a point where I was really attracted to white girls simply b/c there were a lot more whites around me than blacks. But I honestly don’t care and I don’t think my mom entirely gets that. I still find it funny. That is probably why I don’t divulge all my love life to her but more to other members of my family. I kinda thought about this when I was reading the ‘best way to combat racism’ thread. Anyone else w/ a similar experience?


#2

Nope -well I’ve been married 16 years and I married my first love so that would be a really silly question.

My mom does have an obsession with knowing people’s “nationality” actually ethnic background because technically their nationality would be American. She’s done this since I was little when ever I made a new friend. My mom is 100% Italian, my dad 100% German. She doesn’t get that most of my generation aren’t 100% anything. If I don’t know than she asked their last name and tries to decifer from that what “nationality” they are -as if that works in this day and age.:rolleyes: After the nationality question the second question was what religion are they?

The nationality thing is far reaching -besides my mom likes to know the nationality of my doctors, dentist, bosses -pretty much anyone I mention in conversation.

It is strange.


#3

bump


#4

My dd just brought this up today. She was at her dad’s house last week and asked if he wanted to meet her new boyfriend. He replied,“is he white?”

He’s a racist. She won’t take ANY friends “of color” to his house. He’s just really rude to them.

Have you asked your parents why your girlfriend’s race is important to them? Is it a cultural thing for them? I’m just curious. I’m not lumping them in with my ex.

Ness dates really nice guys. Her first boyfriend was black. The next guy was Hispanic. The latest one is white. Doesn’t matter to me as long as the guy is respectful and treats her like a lady.

Kim


#5

I think it is somewhat cultural, but she is really blurring the lines as to what is race and what is culture, as though one race acts one way or the other. A lot of black women in the black community see it as a slap in a face to them when black men do that but honestly I’ve been around a lot of whites, so it is hard to imagine that I would be attracted to a few women outside my race?

I don’t even view it that way, it depends on how the woman’s personality. I hate the guilt trip question ‘Don’t you want to marry a girl like your mother?’ I’ve evaded those type of questions and told her I care more about the woman’s religious / spiritual beliefs more than their race. I don’t think she’s racist at all just has an older mindset…keep in mind most my intermediate family is from Alabama.


#6

I think your mum is just trying to keep the family a pure nationality. I’m not racist, but I think there is a reason why God created different races. Ultimately, it’s your choice. Personally, I would only like to marry a white girl (I’m white) but if I married a black girl, as long as the love was there-not a disaster


#7

trying to keep the family a pure nationality

For one thing, we’re all pure Adam-and-Eve already. Isn’t that good enough? :wink:

For another, I think it’d be really hard to argue that anyone’s family is pure anything anymore. What with all the exploring and trading and everything that’s been going on since the beginning of time, pretty much everyone is a mix of something, even if it comes from ten generations ago.

God has a perfect match for everyone! Who cares what they look like? Well…not that I’m against good looks. :rolleyes:

:heart:


#8

There is no thing as a pure nationality. :shrug: We all come from Adam, and God didn’t separate races, he separated languages at Babel. I see beauty in all races and cultures.


#9

If they don’t, they should. Interbreeding is not God’s way. Read the Old Testament, especially the books of Ezra and Nehemiah


#10

To the poster above me, you misunderstand that verse that we should not be “yoked” together. This is meant to say that UNBELIEVERS and BELIEVERS should not marry, because of the wide differences. Of course, it’s allowed, but not recommended. There is nothing wrong with marrying someone who is of a different race than you. Seriously, pfft…what a ridiculous suggestion.

I’m white, but most of my friends (including my best friend) are Asian. I’ve grown so used to them that I actually would like to marry an Asian guy. My mom sometimes asks me if I tell her about a friend, “is she white?” but that is just out of curiosity. My parents find it quite funny that I’m surrounded by Asian people. =P

God created different races to show that we are all equal, no matter what skin color or ethnicity. God’s creation is a rug, and it includes all colors equally. Embrace diversity.


#11

I’m talking about the Old Testament not the writings of Paul in the New


#12

That wasn’t because of their color or race, but that they didn’t follow God.


#13

Most African Americans have some Caucasian in them b/c of slavery. Also my great grandfather was American Indian and many people ‘look’ white or black or w/e but might be mixed with something else.

Also one of coworkers looks what you would call white, but her father is 1/2 Asian.

Also can you please explain to me what ‘white’ is? I’m a little confused since there were some subsets of ‘whites’ in previous societies, such as Italians, who weren’t deemed as truly white in the past. There are also people who are German, Greek, Spanish, etc and people that live in South America that have the same skin tone, but culturally aren’t the same.


#14

I’ve been surrounded by a lot of whites, so is it hard to imagine that I would at least be attracted to some white women? :wink:

I explained to my mom that I care more about a woman’s religion rather than their race.


#15

It was because they weren’t Israelites. It was a race issue.


#16

To the OP: your mom may be concerned because sometimes people STILL give a mixed-race couple grief. The higher up the social-intellectual ladder you go, the less you see of it, but it’s still there.

Tell your mom she should ask: “Is she Catholic?”


#17

To a Catholic it doesn’t matter as the faith is for everyone now, not just a certain group of people.

So everyone is equal and welcome as Brothers and Sisters in Christ to Salvation.

To the OP:

My mother always preferred white girls and had a thing against hispanics, but God had other plans.
What matters is the person and how they respect themselves, you and God.

God Bless
Scylla


#18

I never got this question; I got, “Is he Catholic?” (Coming from a man who hasn’t been practicing his faith since he was a teenager. :wink: )

But, I have a close friend who has this conversation with her mom, every time she brings up the fact that she’s dating someone new. Her mom usually just asks if the gentleman is black. My friend (from Chicago) is like, “Mom, I’m in Arizona. There’s probably only 100 black people in the whole state, counting me.” :smiley: She usually takes it in stride, but once in awhile, it’ll annoy her just a little.

I think I was never asked about the race of new boyfriends because white is the majority around here, so it was just assumed.


#19

Actually, I’d say that the opposite was the case. It might be less overt, but racism is much more prolific among the more affluent set; my father is an oncologist and I can’t tell you the number of dinner parties that I’ve been to where men have sat around enjoying racial jokes, or expressing moral indignation over “the decline of the European race and culture”. They put on a nice face, support “cultural diversity,” but when the cameras are off, they’re some of the worst genetic purists around.


#20

That’s disgusting. I am not a fan of forced diversity becaise I believe it is insulting to those who are picked out for “favor” based on something other than their competence. A man is a man; a doctor is a doctor; a woman is a woman – if they’re human and competent, that’s the bottom line.

Maybe it’s regional? I, too, am embedded in academic medical life and have never – no, not even once – encountered the sort of thing you describe.


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