does anyone else feel like this?


Does anyone else feel like sin has become almost synonymous with sex or anything pertaining to anything sexual?

I was recieved into the catholic church this easter. yay! But I confess that I am at a loss. I am getting married in July, and so issues of sexual ethics as well as pregnancy and children come into play since we have both saved sex for marriage (and are therefore really excited about the expression of sexual love) and equally excited for starting a large family (we want lots of kids).

However, I am getting immensely discouraged at the exhaustive rules that seem to govern this topic, and I don’t see the likeness of such a list of rules with any other topic! Rules that govern when it is okay and when it isn’t to postpone or prevent pregnancy, rules on artificial insemination, and fertility treatments…even rules about how you should have your kid, or rules about what kind of medical treatment you can get if you life is endagered due to pregnancy.

I understand the seriousness of sex, but frankly, it’s so overwhelming to the point of depression that is starting to make me wonder what is the point? The intimacy of a sexual relationship in marriage doesn’t seem worth the rulebook anymore. I feel like I can’t even do anything with my husband (when we are married) without having to have EVERYONE sign off on it, and after reading rules about pregnancy, it’s making me horified to take such a risk!


I completely agree that it can seem that way. So my advice would be, understand and accept the reasoning and theology behind the Church’s teachings, and then trust God in the details. You will get past this stage, believe it or not.


well the problem is, is that I feel frustrated , scared, and depressed. See, I’ve always had a really good conscience. It’s pointed me towards God, it’s kept me a virgin until I was a christian, and helped me preserve my virginity until now. However, there are things I have been told that my conscience not only didn’t detect, but actually goes in conflict. I know that not all of us knows right and wrong all the time, but…well I thought that was the point of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. I can’t believe my conscience was so wrong about everything!

Plus I was told if I remained a virgin until my wedding night, and we had healthy sexual expression, all would be okay. Not so!! I just found out that some people find “sinful” the fact that I require the pill for medical reasons. I HATE that I have to take it but I have no option. I HATE that I can’t use NFP. HATE. Yet I am labeled as a sinner and I am scared to death of my wedding night because I don’t know if I will sin or not.

I used to be so excited about my wedding night, but since I have become catholic I’m HORRIFIED. My fiancee isn’t to happy. I think he is starting to regret converting me to catholicism because i am so minded about “following the rules”


don’t know about the exhaustive list of rules. 10 commandments does not seem excessive, and only 2 deal with sex.


the only “some people” who are involved your marital life is your spouse, and the only “some people” who are involved in helping you evaluate your moral decisions and spiritual health is your priest in confession. Why on earth would you discuss such issues with “some people” in the first place?


not even discussing it. Reading about it. I read articles from people, some of them priests, who think that anyone, for any reason, who uses any kind of ABC AT ALL cannot go to heaven if htye die without confession. It really bugs me.


That is what the Enemy wants: to make you depressed, overwhelmed, scared, disappointed. Do not be afraid.
I strongly suggest that you sit down with a good, understanding pastor, and go over the “list of rules” together. Your attitude suggests that you definitely refuse sin - so you needn’T be scrupolous. There aren’t so many rules, and most people make them appear more of a burden than they are.
And believe me, if you are on the pill for medical reasons, you do not sin. Anybody telling you otherwise is a hypocrite.
And do continue to look forward to your wedding night. As St. Augustine said (not exactly with the same meaning, though :rolleyes: ) “Love, and do what you will!” And, as St. John says: “Fear is not in charity: but perfect charity casteth out fear.” (1John 4:18)

God does not want you to enter married life with fear and sorrow. Satan does.


:slight_smile: thanks


The rules made simple:
:slight_smile: No contraception (not talking the pill here). NFP is okay.
:slight_smile: The pill may only be taken for things like hormone treatment when the express purpose is not contraception.
:slight_smile: No Artificial insemination, no test tube babies.
:slight_smile: I’m not aware of any restrictions on C-sections
:slight_smile: If the mother’s life is in danger from pregnancy she may have treatment wherein the SIDE EFFECT, and not the DIRECT INTENTION is the death of the child. (example, a dose of medicine which also kills the child).
:slight_smile: obviously, no sodomy or other acts of extreme lewdness.

That’s pretty much all that comes to mind at the moment. OTHERS have no right whatsoever to judge you based on a situation they don’t understand, so don’t pay them any heed.


I’m guessing that if a woman has to take the pill for medical reasons, that the couple should also practice NFP to do their best to avoid conceiving a child who would end up dying from inability to implant in the womb.

And make St. Augustine’s motto your own: Love God and do as you will. Nothing scary about that.


my fiancee and I have talked about it and that is what we agreed to do. It turns out there is a LITTLE hint of a cycle (and a time where fertilization is possible) that coincides with when you go on the inactive pills, and we agreed to stay chaste then, to make sure nothing bad happens to a child. We are both horrified of abortion happening. If I found ou tthat happened because of our neglect it would kill both of us.


I don’t know why you medically need birth control pills (and it’s none of my business, anyway), but I would encourage you to look into Dr. Thomas Hilgers in Nebraska and the Pope Paul VI Institute for reproductive health. I think they can treat anything without using the Pill. :thumbsup: There’s several ladies in the Family Forum who have gone this route and given up their pills for good; you may have to do a search or post another thread over there, but you will find people who can give you more information than I can.

Good luck and congrats on coming into the Church and your future marriage!!!


I’m another woman who stopped taking the pill as “treatment” for a medical problem.

And I swore there was no other way to handle things but using the pill. I’m happy to say that I was wrong.

There is a book written by Marilyn Shannon called “Fertility, Cycles and Nutrition” that helped me A LOT.

Please know that you’re in my prayers.


When I began to discern whether or not I should become a Catholic, I was surprised to find out how Catholic thought on the marital union is intensely elevating, freeing, and affirming (so much so that at first I found it vaguely blasphemous!).

I’ve found that, in submitting to God’s plan for marriage, the things that “the rules” forbid don’t interest me anyway. Sex is far more pure, joyous and satisfying for me as a Catholic than it ever was before I entered the Church.

Same thing with the issues of medications. Once you understand the reasons for the rules, the way they flow naturally out of what it means to be made in the image and likeness of God, they stop seeming to be “rules” and start being they way things ought to be, something attractive and to be embraced as a wonderful gift of God.

BTW, as I understand it, using “the pill” in the manner you describe and for the reasons you describe is permissible according to Catholic moral theology. It’s not artificial birth control, because you aren’t using it with the intention of regulating fertility; the fertility effects are undesired and unavoidable secondary effects. Be not afraid - Catholic moral teaching isn’t as onerous as I used to fear. You commit no sin in this - enjoy your wedding night as a pure sacrament pleasing to God.

[FONT=Arial]In the marital act we most deeply fulfill our vocation as images of the invisible God, indeed it is the meaning of the act itself. [/FONT]

Follow this link and listen to the talk on the Theology of the Body, it may help:


This one may be even better:


I love these so called rules. It helps me know if I’m doing right. And there will be more. The more technology advances the more the church will have to look into it’s morality. Before this century there was one rule. No contraception. Before that people got married (almost all were virgins) had relations when they wanted to and that’s it.


I love these so called rules. It helps me know if I’m doing right. And there will be more. The more technology advances the more the church will have to look into it’s morality. Before this century there was one rule. No contraception. Before that people got married (almost all were virgins) had relations when they wanted to and that’s it.


You can’t practice NFP while on the pill. It obscures all the signs. If some one is taking the pill for legitimate medical reason it’s not a sin but there usually are alternative treatments (and much healthier ones). It’s just easier for a doctor to prescribe the pill than consider the other options.The OP should check with the Pope Paul VI Institute.


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