Does anyone else get increasingly protective about their chastity/virginity?

I’ve found myself getting more obsessed about maintaining my purity as I am getting older, doesn’t anybody else feel this?

I feel it is my ‘one’ virtue left, that is objectively unbreached/transgressed. My other sins like anger, frustration, sloth, occasional gluttony with food (although, I am normal weight), they come and go, but I’ve maintained one untouched aspect of myself which is something to uphold, I feel.

I agree with you.We all are called to chastity.If you are not married then you are called to maintain your virginity.I was a virgin when I married. I am now single and chaste and intend to remain that way unless I remarry.

Not a bad thing to be chaste. I’ve heard that’s one sin that causes detours over to purgatory.

I wish I had that. That’s enviable.

I guess I can’t say that I’m obsessed about it, like I think about it all the time or something. I just try to do my best to be the best Christian I can be everyday, and let that take care of itself. :slight_smile:

I don’t know if “enviable” is quite the right word. If one loses one’s virginity, it is not good to feel it as a loss of something to be proud of. If one repents, one can have thanks for having been called back and compassion for others who fall…Heaven, after all, has more joy over one sinner who is brought back than over 99 who did not need to be sought out. An awareness that some particular virtue is under assault (as sexual purity can most certainly be, even if one has committed and repented from a mortal sin in that area) is a grace, and it is a good habit to be pleased whenever anyone is visited by grace. To take the impulse to flee sin seriously and to avoid near occasions of sexual sin as a result is praiseworthy, and it is praiseworthy for everyone, not just virgins. If you want that kind of impulse, ask for it! God is generous with those who thirst for grace.

It is worth being careful to avoid the sin of pride over this impulse, though; I mean to avoid the proud man’s prayer of “thank you, Lord, that I am not like other men.” The devil does not mind virgins or those who have fallen and returned to strict sexual purity, if only he can lure them into mortal pride about it. On this account, the men or women going through what Seaborgium is describing have to be careful both to avoid lust and pride, as both are deadly sins. (This is what I mean by the saying: There is a ditch on both sides of the road. When one flees sin, one has to be mindful of all the traps of the evil one, not just one.)



Yes, I have noticed the same thing about myself. I think that it is salutary and praiseworthy. Does preserving it preclude marriage?

What is a mortal sin of pride concerning chastity?

I don’t mean with regards to chastity in particular, but the sin of spiritual pride.

I wouldn’t say I obsess over it, but being a 16 year old girl in today’s world, I am a bit overprotective of my virginity/chastity. In all honesty, it worries me a bit to be alone with a guy when no one else is around, because things can turn from great to horrific in a split second, and I’d rather not fall into something I know I’ll regret.

More on what I mean about spiritual pride being a danger to the virgin who has maintained virginity through great effort.

There are two extremes to the thinking that could lead to the concern that the OP is feeling. One is to feel a new horror concerning the sin and appreciating what a glamorous danger this kind of sin poses. The other is to feel a possessiveness about “being a virgin” that is in reality a kind of pride. I would guess that most of us have feelings that combine the two at least some of the time. (I mean that we both avoid sin because we love God and do not want to offend him and because we imagine would feel a loss in our self-image if we committed some acts, because we hold some repugnance for people “who would do such a thing” and don’t want to feel that same repugnance for ourselves.)

As C.S. Lewis put the devil’s goal in the Screwtape Letters, it goes something like this:
What you want is to keep a sly self-congratulation mixing with all his thoughts and never allow him to raise the question “What, precisely, am I congratulating myself about?”…

The absolute first and last thing that the devil will do to someone who is developing a habit of virtue or especially one who has accepted the grace needed to maintain a spiritual crown by personal sacrifice is to tempt the soul towards pride…that is, to tempt the soul to believe “I am not like other men.”

Contrast this with what Our Lady says of her perfect sinlessness: “My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord; my spirit rejoices in God my savior. For he has looked upon his handmaid’s lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed. The Mighty One has done great things for me, and holy is his name." That is our model for what attitude to take when we have reached some kind of spiritual or moral “attainment” or any praiseworthy deed or habit. That is the model for the attitude of someone who has maintained virginity in this world. It is an attitude pleasing to God, whereas the “I can’t believe all these people who fall. What kind of soul gives up such a precious gift so easily?” is in reality the attitude of pride. It goes beyond treasuring the virtue and into feeling pride over it. That sullies the gift, for it includes the presumptuous thought that it is the soul who heroically offers the purity to God instead of the soul more honestly and humbly being grateful that God has preserved the soul from mortal harm. As Our Lady goes on to say about those who are proud: “His mercy is from age to age to those who fear him. He has shown might with his arm, dispersed the arrogant of mind and heart. He has thrown down the rulers from their thrones but lifted up the lowly. The hungry he has filled with good things; the rich he has sent away empty.” If we are “rich” in self-congratulation about our “virtues”, that is our payment, and we will be sent away empty of reward from God, because of our arrogance, for the Lord said, “everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” That is what I mean.

This is not overprotective, but prudent. It takes a humble person to know she is not made of steel, and needs to avoid the near occasion of sin.

I would not recommend being alone with a guy. If you haven’t known/dated him very long, he could be a creeper. And if you’ve been dating for a while, temptations can/will arise. It’s natural to want to be close on every level after you know each other well; these feelings were intended by God to progress the dating couple toward engagement (final preparations) and then marriage (where the love can finally be consummated).

Go on dates in public places, don’t be home alone together (meeting families is fine, hanging out with friends is also fine), bedrooms are off-limits, etc. The purpose of dating is to discern marriage and it’s a bad idea to be intimate with someone before marriage because the bonds created make it easy to overlook red flags. The self-control and communication skills learned during this dating period will help strengthen your future marriage(s) for the rest of your lives. Self-control will help you not cheat during times you don’t “feel” as close to your spouse, or if you are tempted by a coworker/friend/neighbor/etc. Communication will help solve problems. The dating period will also teach you to express your love in other ways so you don’t go crazy during times in your marriage where intimacy isn’t possible (illness, certain times of the month for NFP to avoid pregnancy, etc.).

I would focus more on God and virtue and the reasons why you are remaining pure (Theology of the Body) than the virginity itself (I am not saying you are, because I do not know you personally, but I am warning for some people who may have this problem). Virginity is good because it means you are following God’s will for your state in life. Most people are called to marriage and will not be virgins forever. Some people end up with an unhealthy view of sexuality because they were obsessed with keeping their virginity. Perhaps they were traumatized by a “chewed gum” or “backwash” or “used piece of tape” abstinence talk and they think sex is dirty. Sex is not dirty; it is a beautiful gift from God. But like everything in life, gifts can be abused and we must seek to follow God’s will. The proper place for sexuality is within marriage.

I don’t know what that’s like, I’m too busy being involved in charity work to have time for anything resembling a relationship or worry about chastity and when I get home I’m often too tired or too busy to even think of doing something unchaste. This doesn’t make me immune to sin, indeed in some ways it inclines me towards other types of sins such as hubris. I sometimes become frustrated that people like me get left with the heavy lifting of charity work while married people spend so much time with personally stuff instead of living a life of service and then stamp their names on the work.

Sort of, but I’m not sure if that’s the best explanation. Perhaps I’m just seeing some things more clearly or just becoming scrupulous.

Really well put !

Agreed and no it doesn’t preclude marriage, it is a basis for marriage.


I understand what you are saying. I am 55 and a virgin. I fully believe in chastity and remaining thus. A lot of people think this is strange, and over the years some have gone very far out of their way to “set up” a “romantic encounter” thinking all I needed to do was “give in.” Ahhhh, No Thanks.

I am ever bit as conscious of this choice as I was when I was young. It remains an important part of who I am.

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