Does anyone have tips for winning over a guy?


#1

Hi everybody,

This may seem like a trivial question, but I’m really curious what other people think. From the women, I mostly would like to know what they do to win over a guy they like (or how they won over the guy they’re married to.) From the men, I’m curious to find out what they find wins them over or attracts them most to the women they fall for.

As a woman, I’m pretty awkward, so I don’t feel I have much to add to the discussion. However, to get things rolling I will just say that my best tactics are to smile a lot (genuinely), to laugh at his jokes, and to make him laugh as much as possible. I’m no femme fatale, but those are the main things that work for me. :blush: I would like to add more to my repertoire though…


#2

I’m a 45 year old man so perhaps this won’t be of any use to someone in their late teens or even their twenties, but as I see it there are many things that lead up to “the winning of a heart” but in the end (for me anyway) she ultimately has to be my best friend.

Now, how do you keep a man once you have “won his heart?” NEVER give him the impression that you don’t need him. Men need to feel needed.


#3

It really depends on the guy, but I think in general…don’t be too eager. There’s nothing wrong with smiling a lot, and that’s often what attracts a lot of guys.

I personally don’t like girls being too giggly and head-over-heels for me whilst dating, I should be the one that’s like that :smiley: - In the end, I think you should just watch their behaviour and see how they react to different things, it’s only you who can adjust best to the situation, there’s really no tips on how to win over guys or girls, be yourself, be natural. If a guy has asked you out, he’s the one who’s trying to win you over, not the other way around.


#4

Sincerity, a sense of fun, and a decent lasangna usually work for me.


#5

I dont like gigglers either. Take yourself seriuosly. You dont have to smile or laugh unless something is really actually funny. Guys are far from all the time being funny… the ones that try to be are annoying to be around.

You want a friend, and most of the time friendship is what it remains. So just be yourself. Find common interests with other people.

Start seeing your own strengths and not your weaknesses. Telling yourself that you are ackward is no good.
Relax, ask about the other, have interest in the other person. Treat him like you would treat a woman, measure if there is an equal mutual interest. Dont make it any one-way contact… if he’s not interested in your aquaintance, leave him alone.
Show who you are, what your interests are, what makes you excited.
Become an interesting person, if you are not already. What attracts men and women alike is a person who has her own mind about things and who take sincere interest in others.

And remember… Before he is a man he is a human being.

:thumbsup:


#6

Depends on what kind of guy you want to “win over”.

If you want an undependable guy who is into drinking, that would require one approach.

If you want a dependable guy who is responsible, family-oriented, hard working, and has a focus on God, and hopefully Catholic, then that would require a different approach.

If you go to bars, you are most likely not going to meet a guy who is dependable; you will meet drinkers.

I would suggest developing interests similar to the kind of guy you would like to marry, then maybe focus on “responsibility issues”. Start with your reading … such as This Rock Magazine from Catholic Answers or Money Magazine or Forbes Magazine, which are into serious family management issues.

You can get Money and Forbes at the public library.

Over time, you will learn the what the various terms mean.

If you want your future husband to be into sports, then spend some time learning about sports. If you’re not personally a biggie sports fan, consider doing a couple of simple things such as buying a basketball and just practice shooting baskets on you own.

You sound kind of young, so you have some time to do some personal formation.


#7

I’m not expert. Honestly, I don’t think I ever really attracted many men’s interests. I was almost never asked out, and I always had the occassional experience of men treating me with disdain. I mean, it was things like being the girl in middle school who you overhear the guys make jokes about as being the worst possible girl to end up stuck with. My impression was that I disgusted most men. The only men who ever hit on me were men who weren’t safe to be around. Of the men I knew who weren’t dangerous, I remember in college and working on the student newspaper being told by two men that I came across as resentful toward men and that this resentment was so apparant in everything I wrote, that in their eyes it was obviously deliberately put there by me. I wasn’t putting anything deliberately in my writting of the sort and couldn’t figure out what in my writing would come across that way and they wouldn’t tell me.

Overall though when it came to my husband’s interest, I was just being myself. I wasn’t trying to lure him in. I wasn’t teasing him. I wasn’t smiling when I had nothing to smile about. I wasn’t laughing when there was nothing to laugh at. We were both very ackward on our first date, and honestly I think many women would have dismissed him and not gone on a second date with them. We are both people who didn’t have a lot of previous boyfriends or girlfriends. My husband hadn’t had a girlfriend in 5 years when I met him. I hadn’t had a boyfriend in 7 years.

The main thing I think that made it work is that I was receptive to him. I didn’t blow him off. I was polite to him. I showed my interest in the things he brought up for conversation. Sometimes he’d get a little insecure about whether or not he was talking to me too much or overstaying his welcome and he’d just mention that he really enjoyed talking to me, and I’d just tell him not to worry because I enjoyed talking to him as well. Or sometimes I’d just compliment him for things first so that he wouldn’t feel like he was annoying me.

I have no idea if that alone would be enough to “win” over other types of men. I know that overall I had self esteeme issues to get over and I had learned to be more comfortable being single before I met my husband. I overall felt less desperate so I may have come across as less desperate. I mean, it happened in God’s timing. Looking back, even though I married at an older age, I don’t think I was ready for marriage till about the time I got married. And honestly we just seem very well suited for each other. My family sometimes tell me “He’s the male version of you.” Granted, I know more about him. We’re definitely distinct. We just have the same sort of…weirdness I guess. Granted maybe I should say it positively and just say that we’re unique in the same way.


#8

I always found that just by trying to be sincerely inquisitive and interested in the guy’s general interests and becoming friends with him is the most important first step. Looking into his eyes occasionally as he’s talking so you can concentrate more on his words is good, too. If it stays just a friendship or nothing at all, so be it. But it can very easily lead to more than that if you both “mesh” well and find you have a lot in common, especially in your goals in life. Faith in God can be a very important common goal, too!

Also, I do truly believe in the old adage that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so if you can cook and bake, treat him to some of your creations! If you’re still learning in those areas, get tips/recipes from your Mom or relatives who like to cook, watch some cooking shows like Rachel Ray, read a few recipes online, and try a few that appeal to your tastes. If they turn out well, share with a guy or even just mention your attempts to him! Oh, there’s another old PA Dutch saying that rings real true as the years go by… “Kissin’ wears out, cookin’ don’t!”

Just some tips from a wife married many decades.


#9

One word: Food. Cook nice meals for him. As the old saying goes, “the key to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” I love it when my fiancee cooks for me. Even if you aren’t a great cook, make something he doesn’t particularly like, etc, don’t worry. He will appreciate the effort.


#10

I don’t/didn’t have any strategy for winning over anyone. My philosophy is be yourself, be involved in things you think are interesting, and the right person will come along and you don’t have to *try *when it’s the right person for you. You’re just youreself and they are just themselves.


#11

I think it would be helpful if you didn’t think of it as “winning over” a guy, but rather just getting to know a guy and seeing if you are interested. Someone is either going to like you or not like you, and you don’t want to be trying to convince a guy that he likes you.

Focus more on whether you like HIM or not, as opposed to trying to get him to like you. This takes the pressure off a little bit. If someone isn’t interested romantically, don’t take it personally. Just move on and find someone who is.

If you go out with someone who is interested in you, he will make it known. Anyone who leaves you wondering whether he likes you or not- assume he doesn’t. The right guy will want you to know that he likes you.

Initially I wasn’t sure how I felt about my now-boyfriend. But he made it clear that he was interested in me, which made me feel secure in that I didn’t have to guess how he felt or pretend to think something was funny or paste a permanent smile on my face. Or pretend to be interested in things that I didn’t care about. He made it very easy to be myself. I didn’t have to work to “win him over” and instead was able to relax and enjoy our dates. This, in my opinion, is how it should be. Not that there won’t be awkward moments, but overall if both people are just themselves and both like each other, it will fall into place.

Personally I disagree with the person who posted that you should learn about sports and money because a) it was an assumption that you, by virtue of being a girl, don’t already know anything about these things and b) if you don’t, faking an interest in things you are not interested in is not attractive. Wait until you are dating someone you are interested in, and then show an interest in the things he likes, but you don’t need to force interest in things you don’t like before the fact.


#12

If you like someone, talk to him. Be friends. Learn about him. Tell him about yourself. Let things run their course.

If possible, attend Mass together. Discuss and be open about your faith. If it doesn’t start this way, which is probably better, this will end up being the most important part of your relationship, so I don’t see any reason to wait to talk about it. Spending a long time together without discussing and sharing it may cause you to develop a relationship that you don’t want to let go of, even if you’re not compatible in your faith. And that’s dangerous.

Romantic relationships are not fully their own species. They’re friendships with added attributes. So start a friendship. Introduce him to who you are, not who the “girlfriend” version of you is.

My support? When I turned 21, I had never had anything close to a boyfriend (but quite a few failures at mild pursuit), had never been asked out, and had never known of anyone being romantically interested in me. I felt pretty much doomed. I was awkward and quiet and had no idea about how to approach guys, especially not the way most girls do. But then I met my current boyfriend (and future husband). It was slow and difficult and painful, but I got to know him, and we became friends. I went to Mass with him on campus (I found out–from him, via a Facebook message–that he went to Mass–up until this point, I was still on the fence because I didn’t know if he was Catholic, although I was pretty sure he was Christian; in my cohort at school, you have to be careful, because most people are anti-religion–and I figured he might go on campus, so I gave the Mass I thought he’d go to a shot, and he was there). Eventually, I wanted to spend time with him outside of when we more or less “happened” to be doing something at the same time (going to mass and getting dinner afterward, going to lunch on campus between classes, doing homework in the computer science computer lab) and asked if he wanted to do something on a Thursday night after my last class. Although I wasn’t intending for it to be a first date (although I hoped it would be), it was, and things progressed slowly from there. That was two weeks shy of a year ago, and I honestly never thought this relationship would be such a blessing (of course, if things worked out, it would have been a blessing, but I couldn’t have imagined anything close to this).

Just be yourself. God will bring him to you. God bless. :slight_smile:


#13

besides the physical, which is only a small part of the initial interest, and becomes less important as time goes by, what a guy looks for, or at least what I would look for, were I single, would be that the woman helps me to feel both needed and wanted, not just romantically, but in other ways. Sometimes a woman can make a man feel like he has to choose between her and X( whatever that might be). Not being forced to make such a choice, unless its clearly a diametric choice ( me or that other woman, me or the drugs, etc…) is a sign of problems. Show an interest in a guy the way he is, and not the plans you have to change him( and all women have such plans ), My opinion anyway.


#14

Personally, if I’m not already interested in a girl there aren’t any flirting tactics that will convince me otherwise. I may be different from most people but I think flirting is a turn-off. It just seems so artificial.

It turns me on when a girl is sincere and doesn’t focus on trivial things. Nothing would turn me away faster than a girl who just treats me as a set of ears to listen to her mundane banter (like a long story on how she was treated poorly when she went to get her cell-phone replaced, or how so-and-so reacted the wrong way when she told her/him something). But everyone is different and if you want to find the right guy for you, you better just be yourself.


#15

I suggest reading some blogs. Christian morals are often arrived at from a secular direction, but the number of Catholics and Christians you will encounter is high. The dynamics of relationships and attraction are discussed, as well as how to navigate the modern dating world.
http://www.hookingupsmart.com/
http://haleyshalo.wordpress.com/
http://fullofgraceseasonedwithsalt.blogspot.com/


#16

Don’t try too hard. Believe me, it shows and comes across as desperate.

Advice from me AND from my husband–we’ve been married 23 years–AND our 16-year-old son!


#17

Be a good listener and conversationalist. Don’t talk a lot about yourself; instead, engage him in conversation about ideas, current events, etc. If he is interested in something specific and you don’t know a lot of that subject, ask pertinent questions. If your eyes glaze over, you might set your sights on someone else.
Try to make the most of your appearance. I don’t advise that you dress immodestly or go heavy on make-up at all; but classy women take the trouble to look presentable.
Make sure you know how to cook! :wink: And also clean house!
Be sincere about what you believe without being pushy.
A sense of humor goes a long way.
Just my two cents…


#18

Tietjen,

Thank you. Sometimes I get so swamped in the secular world that I forget that guys like to be needed. And I would like to become closer friends with the guy I like. I just have to take it one day at a time. :slight_smile:

Suspicious Mind,

Don’t worry. I’m not a giggler. (I’m a little old for it.) He hasn’t asked me out yet, but he likes spending time with me. I know that because he goes out of his way to sometimes.

Tsuwano,

Hmmmm. Looks like I’ll have to work on my lasagna. :wink:

GraceDK,

I think I gave a false impression by what I wrote. I don’t smile insincerely or keep a smile plastered on my face. I’m a very smiley person because, especially when I’m around other people, I tend to be happy. But if I’m in a bad mood around this guy, I don’t smile. An insincere smile is anathema to me. (And he smiles and laughs a lot when I make jokes, so I think they go over well. :p)

I have often been told that I was awkward by other people. I didn’t realize it until they told me. However, I’m less awkward than I used to be. I don’t see how it could harmful to acknowledge the truth about myself.

Thanks for your advice. I certainly have an interest in him, so it’s not hard to show a certain amount of interest and ask questions.

Monte,

I don’t think learning about money and sports is a great idea for me. I have no interest in either, and I’m not willing to pretend either does interest me. This guy and I have other interests in common, like Bible reading, so hopefully that will be enough.

And I’m not terribly young. I was just curious to know how other folks think about this kind of thing. I have ample personal formation, thank you.

twoangels,

Thank you for sharing your story. It’s good to know that patience pays off. It sounds like you guys are just right for each other.

bmaj,

I think you’re right. I’ll just focus on the friendship for now.

I wish I were a better cook! I’m good at baking, but half of the things I cook are bland and the other half are just so-so. I’ll have to work on that… He’s a huge fan of eating, I know. :wink:

freethinker,

I’m glad you said he will appreciate the effort! I do my best, but, as I said above, it doesn’t always come to much. :slight_smile:

1ke,

Thank you for saying this. I do always aim to be myself.

Marie,

I’m not trying to convince this guy he likes me. It’s just that some women are better at attracting men than others. I was curious how those women think about it.

Thanks for your advice though. I’ll keep it in mind.

kslat,

Thanks for your advice and story. I’m sure you’re right. :slight_smile:

traillius,

You are mistaken that all women plan to change the men they date. I only date men I like the way they are, and I would only marry a man who was okay “as-is.” No one likes to be turned into a project. If I wanted to change people, I would become a psychotherapist or counselor, so I could make a difference in their lives without having to live with them…

Luke,

Thanks for your advice. Guys have often told me I don’t talk enough, so I’m not too worried I’m talking their ears off, but it’s good to know there is an opposite extreme. :wink:

CPSB,

Thanks for posting the articles. I haven’t had a chance to look at them yet, but I will.

Thanks again to everyone who wrote. It is really interesting to see all your different perspectives, and you gave me a lot of good advice. :thumbsup:


#19

Desperation is a major turn off. Very true. Hopefully I don’t come across as trying too hard in real life. Apparently I do on this thread. :stuck_out_tongue:


#20

Take care of yourself and your life. Live well. Have a full life.

Like him. (Enjoy being with him)

Respect him.

Feed him. :smiley:


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