Recently, a friend of mine asked me this very question. She is a 30 something single woman who just has not been able to get into a comitted relationship. I found this article and gave it to her…I think it answers this proverbial question very well and from a Christian stand point. What do you think?
I didn’t read all of the article, although from what I scanned it looked good for explaining the philosophical and spiritual aspects of the question. However, on the more practical level, how about a dating service, like eharmony.com? I mean, if we don’t explore all avenues open to us, how can we complain that God didn’t drop a spouse on us like a meteor falling from space? We have to put some effort into the process, too, yes?
What a fabulous article!
I have not had a date for five years. I have been a widow for 18. I used to be so convinced that God didn’t love me anymore because people I saw who did not even remotely qualify to be parents were popping out babies and abandoning them, or jumping from marriage to marriage. I lost weight, changed my hair color, joined clubs, did all the things the world tells you to do in order to ‘get a husband’. Finally I tried to force the issue and ended up being conned out of a substantial amount of money. I became so angry and depressed I came close to losing my relationship with God and my sobriety.
God taught me how to love again by giving me a little Scottish Terrier I named Roddy McDuff - actually, God named him because I had dreamed that my first Scotty found him in a basket in the backyard and the basket was labled ‘Roddy’.
Little by little I healed from that last fiasco of a ‘relationship’ (the one I tried to create and control) and came back slowly into communion with the Church and Her Teachings. Today I am home and fairly happy most of the time. I’m not happy all the time but I think if I was I would need to be on some sort of medication.
When Roddy died this year I thought my heart would break. I even had to stop myself from rushing out last night because some Scotty puppies are available for sale and to go to their new home on 12/23! However, I am getting my knee replaced on 1-5-06 and so would not be able to take care and train the new baby…so I will stick to my ‘plan’ of getting a new dog when I get back from my trip to Rome next year.
The point is, I do not know if I will ever marry again - however, my spiritual motherhood and my relationships with the men and women in the Parish have grown tremendously as I have learned to stop expecting my life to be what I want it to be and to truly give it to God. It is a struggle at times. I get lonely and I sometimes think ‘this is not fair’ but, hey! If life was always perfect and fair everyone would accept Jesus Christ as the One True God and join the Catholic Church today…and there would be more than enough priests and there would be no more wars and no more deadly diseases and blah blah bah…
what’s a little lonliness between friends, eh?
Thanks for bearing your heart. My prayers to you for a speedy recovery. Do the therapy…no pain, no gain! Have a blessed Christmas.
That is a great article. It should be required reading for the lovelorn. Unfortunately, when we are unhappy about elusive happiness–whether it be a romantic relationship or a family relationship–we tend to wallow in what we want and blind ourselves to how we contribute to the situation ourselves. When we hit a roadblock in life, we need to pull back, re-group and re-focus, and try something different. LSK’s story is a wonderful example of a healthy approach to life’s disappointments.
[quote=stbruno]Thanks for bearing your heart. My prayers to you for a speedy recovery. Do the therapy…no pain, no gain! Have a blessed Christmas.
ewwwww…I HATE that no pain no gain part…BUT, I want to dance up the spanish steps when I get to Rome this summer so…pant, pant, therapy here I come (uh, when I get out of the hospital that is!).
And thank you Regina. Now, you must remind me of that when I start to whine about being lonely ok? I have a tendency to forget…that’s why I have to pray every DAY!!!
Didn’t read the whole article, suffice to say that Raphael is known as the Angel of happy meetings, he did fnd Tobias a wife.
I agree with the poster that this is nothing we can blame Him for. And even if He did not want us to be married that might be a cross where we can derive merit. I’m 40, normal hetero and have always been single. I think there may be something in my make up or my past that makes me unlikely to find a woman who would be in a committed relationship with me.
I don’t think there’s any use to looking at other people and say well they got married why not me. That’s self torture and it also is judgemental of Providence, I think.
I worry sometimes that I am letting God down in that I am not starting a family. It makes me conscious that I haver to try to actively do something good so I don’t show up in the end with nothing but a buried talant. :o
God doesn’t promise you a spouse. You have the option. You either are meant to be alone or can find that someone (: simple as 1,2,3,