If its there it might have been staring you in the face for a long time. I probably ignored it because it was an embarassing shameful memory.There was an incident when I was about 3 were I was being potty trained and my dad lost his temper with me for not succeeding at it one time and put me into the bathtub. That was a traumatic moment, cause I lost that little bit of percieved love and intimacy that I had before, Which caused fetishes related to infantilism/incontinence… it went further than that when It got sexual, but you get the point,. I knew about this story, I vaguely remembered it, and my dad would joke about it, but I suddenly realized its significance. I felt shame( as a toddler), because my dad was mad at me, so It was an obsession, because I wanted to go back and fix that shame,and that percieved lack of love. But upon discovering this,when I was able to look back and NOT blame myself at all for what happened, I realized that it was my dad’s fault for loosing his temper not mine, and I had lost the small bit of connection and intimacy with my father that I had, it turned to fear. so its a sad, difficult memory now, but its better to face it than try to escape it.
There is a big list of possible things that at some point or another have been a “fetish” so to speak. And they all have one thing in common for me, they have been about same sex features, insecurities, comparing myself and my body to other men or boys. It’s always about the differences, something I have that they don’t have or something they have that I don’t have. eg. I’m a young male, they’re a grown up male, I’m grown up male, they’re a young male(just to show how this relates to pedophilia) or I’m a “Boyish” man, their a “manly man”, and vice versa. If they come up you just got deal with them one a time. and It helps to recognize triggers. They can return when I’m stressed out, just out of habbit.
When I’m shaky in my self identity, and nervous about the future, then the insecurities about my gender come back up, but I know that now, and I’ve gotten through it a few times already, so I have more control over it; it doesn’t bother me much. but old thoughts can flare up occasionally.