Does God Want Me To Be Alone


People talk all the time about discerning your vocation/God’s will for your life. But such discernment always leads either to marriage or religious life. What if God’s will for your life is that you stay alone - no marriage, no religious vocation?

All roads are leading me to being alone. In fact, most of my life I have been alone, except for my marriage, where actually I was alone in that too. I always envied those people in strong, partnership marriages. I never had that although I strived for it until I realized it was impossible to attain. In the end, I think God wants me to be alone.

God said it was not good for man to be alone in Genesis, but then there are many, many, people who are alone.


Single life can be a vocation too. I have MANY family members and friends who are single and they are living their vocations according to the Church as God intends them to


Not having a religious vocation, I prayed for years and years to find a spouse. It did not happen. I can only follow God’s lead one day at a time, but I have learned to be reconciled with being alone. In fact, I now see that it has served to save me from many troubles others go through. It has been difficult, often, but probably not more difficult than what others who are married or in religious life face.
It was certainly never anything I wanted or planned. When you actually read the statistics these days, many many people live alone, for one reason or another.


I too am alone, and likely to remain that way. My SSA means I am called to celibacy, and I have to say, this is the heaviest of the crosses I bear. However, I am grateful for it, as it has led to a greater understanding of the sorrows of others, and helps me not to dwell on myself.


I heard that John the evangelist was alone in the island of Patmos for much of the later part of his life. Do what you think is best.


its fine to be single.


This adds up to your last post. The problem of lonesomeness adds to prophets Jeremiah and Elias, they too are the ones who first question the problem of retribution in this life (and they were radically alone when they did so). [More on that when I actually get some time to write…]

Well, a strong friend circle (or a social life/job) does wonders and can give us purpose, friendship, companionship, and so forth. That sort of social life takes time to build up and maintain (helps if you find yourself in the right situation). If you are more of an introvert, (or had a life constantly moving about, or loosing ties) then you may find yourself a bit isolated.

The spouse…Well, yes…

Rest assured, loneliness is one of the great diseases of our time (as is divorce and it’s consequences). Just to say: you aren’t the only one, far from it.


FWIW, I have met plenty of celibates who never married nor had a family, and they didn’t have SSA. It’s a very difficult state of life to consider even for the outside onlooker. Those persons do have my respect.


Alone or lonely? There is a difference.


Often both.


There are blessings and crosses in every state of life. Some people are absolutely miserable in their marriages. Some people are absolutely content in their marriages. Some people are absolutely miserable in their singleness. Some people are absolutely content being single.
The grass is always greener. As a married man, I sometimes find myself green with envy of the single men in my life… and no, not to be free to be with other women, but to simply be alone. Sometimes being alone is nice.


I personally think God wants me to be single. If that is what God wants, I am fine with it. Sometimes being single allows one to serve more people than I would be able to were I married or a priest or religious.


I think the loneliness in a bad marriage or nasty divorce must be a lot worse than being lonely as a life long single. And there are a whole lot of people who know it, often with no one to talk to.


This is a good point. I often find I am lonelier in a crowd of people than I am just in my room by myself. I think it’s because in solitude I can feel the presence of God much more easily, and it’s harder for me to do that with a lot of other people around.



What we need to remember is that while obviously very few are called to a life in the institutional Church, God never promised everybody a spouse, either.

The two best human beings who ever breathed (The BVM and IHS!) lived lives of virginity.



I would personally being doing a disservice to any man I married. I am a woman with SSA. I am not attracted to men at all. Although I have been told by some well meaning people this is a demonic spirit that can be cast out, listening to that nonsense only made me feel worse about my condition than I already did. I am called to live celibately. Some people are.


Been there, done that. For me it was kind of the same, loneliness is the same, with or without people.

You know what is wierd? (and I’m sure God is trying to teach me something) When I want to be alone, he is continually throwing strangers at me. When I take my walk in the morning to say my rosary outloud, I try to take it early, early so I don’t have to be around strangers who for some reason always have this desire to say “good morning” or some other greeting to me constantly. I’m sorry, but such greetings every few minutes where I have to chit chat, throws me off my prayers. I’m kind of like Jesus, who often just wanted to get away from the crowds to pray. God (or someone else) always seems to be sending strangers to me when I want to pray alone.

Now, when I don’t want to be alone, it is the complete opposite. No one coming my way out of the blue. When I’m open to socializing and trying to make friends then it seems like people run away. Seriously. That’s why I think God wants me to be alone. Just my discernment.

How does being alone work for God’s glory? I’m still trying to figure that one out. Jesus was alone at the end and look at the glory he brought. But I’m not Jesus.


God gives people all sorts of sufferings. Jesus took on all our sufferings, physicial, emotional, spiritual, and transformed them into our salvation. All sufferings can thus be united with His for our good and the good of others. That’s basic Catholic teaching. And it includes the suffering of loneliness. Jesus certainly knew loneliness. I often pray a litany to our Sorrowful Mother that, strikingly, speaks too of her loneliness. The more you meditate on this, the more you realize they suffered extreme loneliness, and like all such meditations it makes what we suffer pale in comparison. But one way or another, pray for the understanding and acceptance that this is right now the way to holiness for you. God has the ability to change it, and send you a spouse, anytime in a second if that’s what He plans to do.


You are blessed with acceptance; but there are good men who can and want a celibate loving relationship with a woman - maybe worth exploring ?


So, maybe look for church or parish events to attend and anteract with people outside of mass? For example, a church in my area does a bible discussion at a coffee shop twice a week, which is called Brew Theology. Maybe think of attending a class or two at a local YMCA? You might try yoga or spin class. Maybe get a dog and walk it every day, or take it to a dog park? You might meet other dog lovers. Also, think of volunteering somewhere, like at a local soup kitchen, or for some charity you’re passionate about. You might meet others with the same passion.

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