Even though you mention God, you don’t begin with him—and THIS is the cause of all your frustration. When we begin with ourselves, as is most common in our culture, we become the norm by which we judge everything else. So if we feel at a loss, there can be no help anywhere. You state this in your own words: “I know God doesn’t owe me anything, but how can He, infinitely merciful and loving, do something like that?” If you can’t figure it out, then God is at a loss as well and you ask: “Why am I even here?” Well, I have some good news for you. You are not the center of your life. Since God came first, He has the right to come first. When we begin with Him, we realize that we are small potatoes and we don’t have to hold everything together ourselves. What may seem like a dilemma to us, is a piece of cake for God.
There is no way that by yourself you can live a sexually balanced and virtuous life. So stop trying to do it by yourself! This isn’t what God had in mind when He created you. Let Him be your center. This means, let Him be more important to you than anything. Take advantage of His Eucharistic presence in the tabernacle by spending time with Him there everyday. Reflect on what He has told you about Himself with regard to who He designed you to be by reflecting on his passion. In focusing on Him, you will learn a lot about yourself and what you mean to Him. Let Him in. Mother Teresa would say, “Give Him permission.” To trust Him is to love Him. Let go of your desire for control. Give control of your life (including your sexual life ) to Him To hell with polls and their percentages! We set ourselves up for failure, but God sets us up for success.
You are in our prayers. Let the reality of the following reflection on His passion sink in.
Fr, Vincent Serpa, O.P.
Reflection on the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ +
The agony in the garden was really the agony in His mind which resulted in His sweating blood. He suffered the passion in His mind and in His body. Such mental and physical suffering actually intensified each other.
At the base of all His suffering was the one thing that human beings dread the most: rejection. He was betrayed by Judas, denied by Peter and abandoned by all the rest of His Apostles; those He had hand picked as His closest intimates. He was most rejected by those who put Him to death. They not only wanted Him dead, they wanted Him to suffer. They not only considered Him to be worth nothing, they considered Him to be worth minus nothing! This significance was not lost on Him. He felt fully the rejection as each physical agony reminded Him.
So we thank Him for joining us on our human journey and actually choosing to experience what we fear the most.
We thank Him for enduring the arrest and the cruelty of the guards and the Sanhedrin. We thank Him for enduring the cruelty of Pilate who allowed Him to be executed rather than risk his own political ruin—and for the cruelty of Herod who wanted to be entertained by having Him work a miracle. We thank Him for all the time He spent satisfying their preoccupation with themselves, just delaying His ultimate death. We thank Him for the anxiety of that night in a cell.
The next morning He was brutally scourged with such intensity and violence that He became as an aged man in a matter of minutes. His multiple wounds bloodied His entire body. The loss of so much blood not only severely weakened Him; it also caused a severe, throbbing headache that remained with Him for the duration.
We thank Him for this and for the mockery He received when they put a purple cloth on His shoulders and pushed a crown of thorns down into His head which intensified His headache. They blindfolded Him and slapped Him, insisting that He ‘prophesy’ who had hit Him. They spat on Him and beat Him.
He stood at the praetorium in utter disgrace according to the attitude of the crowd—while in reality, He stood in utter glory: almighty God, being present to every person who has ever suffered rejection, joining them in their moment of pain. It was there that He was sentenced to death by crucifixion. Physically, He was utterly miserable. He revealed to St. Bernard that carrying the cross was His most painful agony. He was so weak, He could hardly walk. Nauseous and thirsty, He found the weight of the cross on His shoulder almost unbearable. It most likely dislocated His shoulder. It is not surprising that He fell down on the stone streets that were filthy with animal dung—with the cross on top of Him. And He got up each time.
It was only with the help of Simon of Cyrene that He made it to the top of Calvary. There they drove the nails into the carpal tunnels of His hands, causing pain throughout His upper body. The nail in His feet registered great pain through all the sensitive nerves there. When the cross was righted, His up-stretched arms squeezed His lungs and He began to pant for lack of oxygen. So He had to push down on His crucified feet to push His body up in order to fill His lungs with air. This took great effort because He was so weak. Yet He managed to maintain such effort for three hours of agony which increased gradually as He became weaker moment by moment.
By the end of the third hour, His agony was at its peak. He had come to the point where His strength simply gave out and He suffocated. In this eternal moment as He died, He gave us His life. Transcending time, this moment of divine love is present to us in the tabernacles of the world.
Thank you, Lord. We adore you O Christ and we praise you. By your holy cross, you have redeemed the world.