Does she like me as more than a friend. Aghhh need advice please:-)



I’m a 30 year old single Catholic man and there’s a 22 year old Catholic woman I like very much. We’ve been spending some time together because we’ve both been away on a Catholic retreat with a few hundred others this past week.

I’ve been getting to know her, we seem to have a lot in common and she seems to like me.

So, ive been trying to work out if she likes me as more than a friend, and i cant work it out:

  1. We can talk about serious and fun things. She holds my gaze for a long time.
  2. She touches me on the arm quite a few times.
  3. When I was in a group of friends with her, she told them I was wonderful and cool.
  4. We can have serious talks about God.

And just the general feeling, that she is happy to be with me.
but the minuses:

  1. We were finishing tonight clearing the retreat hall with me, her, and 2 of her friends. She hugged one of her friends, and then came over to me and shook my hand!!! I would not have xpected her to hug me, but I have always thought that a handshake from a girl is bad news if you are interested in her.

I might not see her again actually because we are all leaving tuesday and i na group of 500, its difficult t ofind people, but ih ave her email and would like to ask her out for coffee, but what advice could you give?


Get her phone number, call her, and ask her out.

Then you’ll know.

Everything else is just useless speculation.




Sounds like “like.” I agree with the above. Ask her out.


Do you like her? Or, is this merely a “target of opportunity” that you just don’t want to pass by? If you’re not interested in her “that way,” then it really doesn’t matter.


Hehehe… handshake is bad news huh?
The other person she hugged was a guy?

Look… three things can be going on here:

  1. she is as close to the others as she is to you, so the wonderful connection you have may not be so special for her.
  2. she shakes your hand because she is beginning to like you so much that she feels ackward hugging you and maybe she wants to tell you: here is my hand… I want you to see me as a respectable woman… keep your distance… (there is so much in this) I know I would probably give the hand to a guy I liked much rather than hugging him even if this might seem strange to some.) Hugging can be a sign of being layd back… giving hand is in a way deeper…
  3. she is trying to get you a little bit jealous… She is not playing games in her own eyes, but she could well be making a statement: you want me? come get me!

I know you may think that women are hard to figure out. I just wanna say that the interest she shows you, your conversations and the way she holds your gaze … well… it appears she likes you. I suspect she is now testing to see if you have courage and interest enough to ask her out.
I’d say: go for it :slight_smile:


Oh, man, my take is that she’s crazy about you.
She is probably a nice moral girl who doesn’t want to appear too aggressive. I’d say ask her out in a straightforward manner. No beating around the bush. Girls like a guy with confidence. However they should also be up to the task, if she acts too coy, look for someone else. She might be a tease, too nice to say “not thanks”, or just boring. Ask her out, and if she doesn’t respond, let it go. At least you’ll know for sure.


You’re in a very good position to ask her out.

Very cool.

I’d say go for it.
You’ve got to find out somehow.


Man. Just ASK HER OUT!!! Argh…stop procrastinating. Somebody else will snap her up if you are not careful. Then wouldn’t you feel the fool!


Maybe she doesn’t yet know if she likes you or not.


Hey. Thanks for all your replies.

So, as I thought, I didnt get the chance to see her at all today.
Its kinda funny that if I did not now take any initiative, I would never see her again - weird!

As for other stuff, she hugged a close girlfriend and then shook my hand.

So, what Im gonna to is get her cellphone number from a mutual friend, and text her to see if she would like to meet up for coffee.
And take it from there - either yes or no.



one thing I should mention is that when I was younger, I’d hug all my girl friends, but I’d shake the hand of the girl I liked, simply because I was shy around her.

This girl may be doing the same thing with you


DO NOT SEND TEXT MESSAGES! :mad: :mad: :mad:

She is worth much more than a text message. She will also measure what you think of her by the way you treat her. Is a text message a good way to treat people if you can talk to them?




Dear Opening Poster,

None of the signs clearly shows that she’s interested in you. Neither does a handshake seem to be a bad sign.

The first things show that she likes you. That is already a lot and I believe it’s better to be liked selflessly than to be fancied selfishly. If she can say those things about you, it might actually mean there’s a meaningful relationship starting to be - not necessarily a romantic one, but possibly one, as well.

As for a handshake as opposed to hugging, there could be a dozen reasons. I wouldn’t read too much into that.

I would suggest you concentrate on the good sides of having a meaningful acquaintance and a potential new friendship, and remain open but not too bent on the romantic possibility.



Just a word of thanks for all your helpful replies.

Unfortunately, things are going nowhere for me with the young lady I was interested in.

I asked her friend by phone if she could send me the girl’s mobile number so that I could call her. But, she never replied!

And I then emailed the young lady I liked to ask her out for coffee. That was a few days ago and no reply again.

It’s disappointing for me, considering how well we appeared to get on together.

But what is even more disappointing is that either her or her friend did not have the courtesy to reply to me and rather just chose to ignore me. I dont think it is very Christian-like.

Anyway, back to loneliness and wondering what just is wrong with me that I cannot seem to ever get anyone to be romantically interested in me - and I’m 30 so I’m not that young any more :-(((


Unless it’s considered normal by custom where you live (I’m from overseas, so I don’t really know), don’t ask anyone for anyone’s mobile number unless it’s business or an urgent matter. If you have enough access to her to be able to ask her number from her directly, going to a friend will look as if you ask the friend because you’re afraid that the woman herself wouldn’t give it to you.

Lack of any reply may be disappointing, but sometimes it’s better than the things which would otherwise need to be said. At any rate, normally it doesn’t strike as very mature - as a rule, you want a woman that will communicate with you.


Problen could be you asked via e-mail. Could be she didnt get it. If you want to be sure you ask her in person.


please don’t worry :frowning:
I’m 21 and about five years ago I would have never considered dating anyone past 26. I had not gone through the struggle that I now have to realize how age isn’t the matter, but preparedness. Now that I have matured a little more, I cannot find any Catholic men my age or even 26 year olds who have the spiritual/human maturity that I’m looking for nor the readiness for marriage. I find the latter in gentlemen who are 30 and above.
It could be that the lady in question is not yet ready…shyness and nervousness too factored in you never know. She is unsure about it, and please don’t be upset with that. Societal or familial influence could be there affecting her judgment but in time that will wear away I think as one begins to go through struggle. That said, you don’t necessarily have to wait for her if she is not interested. You just may find your wife, you know! In the meantime, keep a humble heart and take every struggle and offer it up to your bride to be, for I truly believe that she has to go through similar struggles.

As regards your sadness about being 30…please don’t be :frowning:
It could be that when you were in your 20s, God was preparing you for marriage, if indeed you are called to marriage. And now that you are 30 you are more prepared if not open for this holy vocation. I don’t know, I’m only speculating. I know that to be very true of me, and it is indeed true of life that as we age (and have a humble soul) we will be better than we were the year before, and have grown in wisdom.



Try not to analyze her behavior so much. I know its hard to do, but over-analysis is destructive.

1ke gave you the best advice. Get her phone number. Let her know you don’t want this to be the last time you see her. Nothing wrong with just saying “I’d really like to spend some more time with you.”


Don’t text. There used to be a time when people actually spoke to each other over the phone…texting someone out, is not the same as verbally asking. Just do it…go for it. Pray for courage to speak those words, and hopefully she will say yes. If it is God’s will for you two to date, it will happen rather easily, without a lot of speculation and second guessing. Trust me. My husband and I were meant to be together–everything just seemed like ‘signs’ from God – the same might be true for you two.

Please keep us posted. :slight_smile: Good luck!!

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