[quote=MegShmeg] I ask because the man I am planning on marrying (we plan to be engaged soon) has been doing it a lot the past many months. We have been together almost 2 yrs, I would say this picked up especially about 1 year into things.
Meg-- you think this will get better if you marry this guy???
DO NOT become engaged to this person until he gets intensive counseling and demonstrates that he has changed. Honestly, this is a *character flaw * and I doubt he will ever change short of a very serious conversion experience.
Why are you with someone who talks this way and treats you this way? L-E-A-V-E.
[quote=MegShmeg] I’ve had a tough past and a lot of things that happened to me led me to be very quiet and unable to stand up for myself (a verbally abusive father and basically no father figure). My man knows ALL about my past and is deeply involved in me trying to deal with it, etc. In the past 2 yrs I’ve been in therapy and have learned a lot about that, and since have improved in standing up for myself.
You definitely need to focus on getting better- and I personally think that standing on your own and not being in a relationship is wise at this point. Especially a relationship that is repeating a pattern of abuse you are trying to heal from and break.
[quote=MegShmeg] A lot of times my man treats me as though he is trying to be my father. He has admitted that he speaks down to me and belittles me and has been trying and successfully working on fixing it, but lately it’s not been better. By nature he is a more “dominant” personality and I am totally the opposite. I have been trying to stand up for myself more and he, in turn, trying not to speak that way.
So, what your saying is “he’s really great, except when he’s abusing me”. L-E-A-V-E
[quote=MegShmeg] In the past few days though he has done some unheard of things. He called me a dumbass twice, and not on joking terms. Tonight he did it, and I told him to leave. He did, and then when we spoke on the phone he apologized, but said the only thing he did wrong was call me a dumbass, and that as a child I did not have enough discipline (true) and so when someone tells me I did something wrong I storm off like a kid. I said “That’s because you called me a dumbass,” and he said “YOU ARE A DUMBASS.” I realize this sounds so childish… and really, it WAS! I couldn’t believe it. : (
Ok, now if someone else wrote this and you read it on an internet forum… what would your reply to such a scenario be???
First of all, whether or not you received discipline as a child is irrelevant-- a spouse does not “discipline” their spouse.
He has a screw loose if he is calling you names and treating you like this. Have you read Doctor Laura’s book on the Ten Stupid Things Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives??? This is one of them-- stay with an abusive man, telling themselves he’s really not that bad.
Please get out and get professional help.