Doing battle in house over porn


#41

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good for the money


#42

CWGRLFAITH, Maybe you married the wrong person? You dont share the same values. Your husband wasnt raised in a home where masturbation is taboo. Do you have kids? Pray about your SITUATION? A good non- denominational protestant gal once told me, “heck growing up we didnt even consider whether or not masturbation was a sin”. Masturbation is wrong. When people like your husband, my dad, and brothers store pornographic material, it is a sign of people who dont care to be holy or to be intimate with God and have him as a friend. Good Luck.


#43

I’m doing the same battle in my home…porn leads to other things…despite what people may say, my marriage is living proof. I’d like to keep in contact with you so that maybe we can compare notes and see what works? I’m at my wit’s end too.
I’ll pray for you and your hubby. :slight_smile:


#44

My husband would argue about the holy thing… but then again, he grew up in a multi-faith family. He still believes he’s “holy”


#45

Did you know about this BEFORE you married? I ask because, if you knew that he used porn before you married, then you agreed to accept that when you took your vows. (Not saying what he is doing is right, but if you knew, then you chose to have him knowing that.) Did he hide this from you?

We had talked about this before we bought the computer because we had had other problems with cable movies and videos…so he said he wasnt going to look at porn images on the web and he promised… this is when i found it in history over 35 different sites in a week.

Gosh, I wish you would have posted before you bought the computer. I would have advised against it. Giving a guy who is already somewhat out of control with porn a computer and trusting his promise not to use it for that is kind of like moving a coke addict into a house with one room stacked to the cieling with cocaine, then accepting his promise he’ll never enter that room. It may come down to just canceling your internet, and I know how inconvenient that would be, since I pay all my bills that way and such, but then you would still have the problem of cable and videos, and if he gets desperate enough, theaters and bookshops.

he made the comment that every man masturbates and looks at other women other than their wife. Is this true???

No, it’s not. Addicts often use “everybody does it” to justify their behavior, as do weak people who just don’t want to change even though they could. I don’t know which your husband is, but it seems he cannot control his use of porn, and he breaks his promises. Porn can be very addictive.

but he said he couldnt forget me looking at him and telling him it disgusts me. He told me that hurts him, that I view him that way. He admitted it was his sin and he needed my support not critiisism.

Typical addict behavior. He makes it your fault, not his. You are supposed to forget that his behavior hurts and disgusts you, and you are not supposed to criticize him. But he is allowed to play the hurt little victim, making you feel guilty for telling him that what he is doing is damaging your marriage? Nice…

well he told me he doesn’t have the problem that i do. He said that I have low self-esteem and this is the reason I have this issue. I am not ugly but i dont look like the women he is looking at.

See? Again with the deflecting of responsibility onto you. If he can make you feel guilty, he can get you to shut up and stop calling him on his behavior.

I feel i need to give him a choice Me or that.??? but am scared if he chooses that…

DO NOT give an ultimatum unless you are prepared to follow through with it. If you tell him to choose, then don’t really make him choose, you will only be giving him more opportunity to indulge in his addiction and to abuse you with it. Because that is what he is doing.

I think your husband needs more and much more serious help than we can offer online. You need to find a specialist that deals with porn addiction. Only you know if he is substituting porn for a relationship with you. Only you know how serious this is and if you can live with it or not. It seems you have reached the point of not. I hope you have the strength to really stand up to him about this, because if you have sons and they get started on this path, it will destroy their ability to relate to women in a healthy way, and if you have daughters, their father’s unhealthy attitudes about women may damage them, and if they see what he is looking at, it may lead them to engage in dangerous behaviors, because after all, if Dad looks at it, it must be okay to do it.


closed #46

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