Doing What's Right


#1

After 24 years of marriage, to my stepfather, my mom is getting a divorce.

She was born and raised Roman Catholic. Married my father and had me and my 2 older sisters. They were married for 15 years and divorced after she found out my father had been unfaithful and that he didn’t want to leave his “girlfriend”.

My father isn’t Catholic, but he did take the instructions on marriage beforehand and they got married in the Church. After the divorce, my mom found it to be too painful to go through with the annulment. She ended up leaving the Church because she was confused on many different levels.

We (my mom, me and my 2 sisters) started going to an Assembly of God church and that’s how we were raised. During this time her and my stepfather married.

Starting in my mid-twenties I began to think about my “roots”, I did a lot of research on the Catholic religion, went through the RCIA and became a member of the Church this past Easter. During the process of going through the RCIA I would tell my mom about everything we were learning, what we were doing, etc. (I must add that she was extremely supportive of my decision). When she would come here to visit she would go to Mass with me. During this time she was secretly pondering on coming back to the Church.

About 3 months ago she finally told me her plans of coming back. I was so very happy and in shock, only because she had been extremely faithful to the “protestant way” for so many years.

She consulted with my stepfather and he was supportive of her. She began to start the process (with my stepfather planning to follow her lead) of getting their annulments from their first marriages so she and my stepfather could get married in the Church. He has since changed his mind - not wanting to live as brother and sister until they can get married.

My stepfather was born and raised protestant - its all he’s ever known, he doesn’t understand Catholicism much less the importance of having to get an annulment from his first wife. My mom has tried, exhaustively, to explain to him the reasons/importance of going through with all of this. I think the world of my stepfather, he’s a very good man, but I of course have to support my mom as I (as a Catholic) believe what the Church says.

My mom desperately wants to be able to receive the sacraments, she’s in love with the Catholic Church and finally feels like she’s home again. Since my stepfather has adamantly stated he will not go through with his annulment, nor will he live celibate with her, my mom has decided on divorce.

As most of you can imagine, this is a major sacrifice for wanting/needing to do the right thing. As I previously said, they have been married for 24 years and have had a good marriage - but the most important thing is that its not a marriage in God’s eyes, nor in the Church’s eyes.

I beg all of you to keep them in your prayers as they go through this trying ordeal. Most importantly, please pray that my mom has continuing peace with her decision.

P.S. - If this is in the wrong forum I trust that admin. will move it. My apologies if it is.


#2

bump


#3

Wow. I am totally blown away with admiration for you mom. Perhaps when your stepfather sees how serious she is and how much this truly means to her, he will soften. If she divorces him he loses her forever. If he agrees to live as brother and sister temporarily they can make it work.

Prayers for everyone involved.

Arlene


#4

I will pray for your mother and for your step-father. God bless!


#5

Lorrie,

Your mom has tremendous courage and her faith in God will be rewarded. We will pray for her and your stepfather. Only time will tell what will happen with your step dad, but in the end all will right before the Lord. Deep reflection on the part of your stepfather is needed. A gentle and loving spirit in the Catholic way from you and your mother will help him a great deal.

May peace be with you.


#6

I too hope your step-dad will soften. After all, how long would they have to live like brother and sister? And is his pride more important than 24 years of a happy marriage? A lot of people get their backs up when the Church asks them to do something difficult, especially in our day when people just do what they want without thinking about the consequences. I have no other advise, but I do offer my prayers!


#7

Lots of prayers for your mother, step-father, your family, and you!


#8

Wow. My jaw almost hit the floor when reading your post, to hear of that kind of devotion to Holy Mother Church. God bless your mum. I’ll definitely pray for her, and for all involved.

God bless.

+Joel


#9

I’d like to pray that all marriages in similar circumstances be blessed with the Grace necessary to rebuild within the Sacrament of Marriage if this be God’s will.

Thank you for sharing your story. Know your mother and step-father are in our prayers.

CARose


#10

Just wanting to give you all an update on my mom’s situation. Her and my stepfather were living in Denver when I started this thread, they have since moved back to Arkansas. They have separated, my mom moving here to Little Rock and my stepfather moving a few hours south of here.

The situation is visibly hard for my stepfather and probably equally hard for my mom (although she’s more private with the showing of her emotions).

For one to file for divorce here in Arkansas they have to be a resident for 60 days. She told me the other day that once the required time has passed she will probably file for divorce.

I don’t want to impose on you guys’ personal prayer time, as the recent horrific damage done in Louisiana, Mississippi & Alabama is I’m sure taking up a lot of it and rightly so, but I must ask for all of you to please continue praying for both of them as they are in dire need.

In closing I want to say thanks to all who have prayed thus far, its most appreciated by me and everyone in my family.


#11

[quote=Lorrie]Just wanting to give you all an update on my mom’s situation. Her and my stepfather were living in Denver when I started this thread, they have since moved back to Arkansas. They have separated, my mom moving here to Little Rock and my stepfather moving a few hours south of here.

The situation is visibly hard for my stepfather and probably equally hard for my mom (although she’s more private with the showing of her emotions).

For one to file for divorce here in Arkansas they have to be a resident for 60 days. She told me the other day that once the required time has passed she will probably file for divorce.

I don’t want to impose on you guys’ personal prayer time, as the recent horrific damage done in Louisiana, Mississippi & Alabama is I’m sure taking up a lot of it and rightly so, but I must ask for all of you to please continue praying for both of them as they are in dire need.

In closing I want to say thanks to all who have prayed thus far, its most appreciated by me and everyone in my family.
[/quote]

Our Heavenly Father has big shoulders. He can handle all the prayers we can throw at him…You, your mamma, and the folks in the Gulf States are in my prayers. Thanks for sharing your story.


#12

wow. Luke 12:52-53.
Hopefully, he will see it differently with prayer and in time.
JD


#13

that they had to live celibate during the Tribunal process?

Is everyone told they have to live celibate during the Tribunal process?

Where can a person find what the Vatican teaches on this matter?


#14

Lorrie,

Your mom and step-dad had/have a good marriage, why won’t he just make the sacrifice and go through the process for your mom’s sake? So he doesn’t want to live as “brother and sister” but he’s willing to get divorced over it? Hmm… pride is the worst of all sins…

Still praying for your family…


#15

Lorrie,

Prayers for your intentions. Are you able to talk to your step-dad? You must mean quite a bit to one another after so many years. Could you go to see him, spend some time, and ask him to pray with you that God give you all strength and guidance?

(btw - If he was not married in a Catholic church by a priest I don’t think he needs or even can get an annulment.)

Perhaps you could get him to pray the following prayer with you, and you could leave it with him.

**Prayer to Saint Joseph **

Glorious Saint Joseph,
pattern of all who are devoted to toil,
obtain for me the grace to toil in the spirit of penance,
in order thereby to atone for my many sins;
to toil conscientiously,
putting devotion to duty before my own inclinations;
to labour with thankfulness and joy,
deeming it an honour to employ and to develop,
by my labour, the gifts that I have received from Almighty
God;
to work with order, peace, moderation, and patience,
without ever shrinking from weariness and difficulties;
to work above all with a pure intention
and with detachment from self,
having always before my eyes the hour of death
and the accounting which I must then render of time ill-
spent, of talents unemployed,
of good undone,
and of my empty pride in success,
which is so fatal to the work of God.
All for Jesus, all through Mary,
all in imitation of thee, O Patriarch Joseph!
This shall be my motto in life and in death.

Amen.


#16

Praying your family grows in faith and does what is right according to His will


#17

Dear Lorrie…will keep this whole situation in daily prayer with St. Rita of Cascia - a patron of mine and also patron of difficult causes…


#18

Wonderful news can be found here. :slight_smile:


#19

Lorrie,

I will keep you and your family in my prayers. When I finally came to accept that I was also commiting grave sin by just dating without a valid annulment, I knew that I needed grace from God to accept his plan.

I was married 15 years, and my former wife had an affair. She filed for divorce and I have been single now for about 5 years. Sadly, though I squandered three of those years pursuing relationships, even when I knew that it was wrong. My annulmetn was not approved by the church, and I decided not to appeal it.

What made me change is the “Bread of life Discourse” in "John 6. The part where Jesus is rejected by the people because they could not accept his teaching on the new covenant. He turns to his disciples and essentially says “I guess you will be leaving me now too, huh?” But Peter tells him, “To whom would we go? you are the truth”

I realized that God turns to all of us when things get tough for us and says “I guess you will be going now too, huh?”

It is how we answer him that defines us and seperates us from the followers who left. You see like your mother, I have come to see that what Jesus says is the truth, and what his church says is also the truth.

It was revealed to the children of Fatima that more people would go to hell because of sins of the flesh than anyother sin. I truly believe that Satan wants these marriages broken so that he can take two sinless people and create 4 adulterers out of them. His strategy could be called “Divide and Multiply”

Your mother was smart enough to deprive Satan of his reward though. Good for her.

My prayers are with you.


#20

I think like most who read your posts, I’ve tears in my eyes. And don’t ever imagine there’s any question of ‘imposing’ on our prayer time.
You are welcome to every moment.

There are different ways of being a martyr for the faith, and your mother is a martyr for the Lord indeed. Perhaps “gray martyrdom” is sometimes harder than a martyrdom that ends with death. It ends…but your mother’s is ongoing. Much of the time, to love God above all effectively means to love others as self (see Matthew 25 verses 31-40) but once in a while a person has to choose beyond that love of others and self, and amazingly your mother has done. If only, sadly, your stepfather had been able to pay the price, which had a finite time, if very difficult, a finite loss. Not willing to make that sacrifice he loses a greater treasure, a woman who is willing to love God with all her heart and mind and soul, whatever cost to herself.
You are privileged to have such a mother!
And Frank, you too have placed God before so much yourself.
We are in the presence of persons who surely make the Angels sing and delight God’s heart.

Lorrie, God is with your mother, but of course I’ll pray for her and your stepdad, and you who are affected painfully by all this.
I look forward in God’s mercy to meet you folk in heaven.


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