I finally met with my soon-to-be-ex on Thursady night, he kept bugging me about wanting to see the baby and some other stuff. I figured I would just meet with him instead of risking that he would just “drop by” which I wouldn’t want to deal with. We met at a Target cause I don’t want him in the house, he asked me if he could see the baby at the house cause he needed some clothes also, I told him no, that he said he wanted to see the baby and that I should have known he had other intentions…he of course changed his tune and agreed to meet at the Target.
We got there and he spent time with the baby, we didn’t talk much until he asked if we could talk. I asked about what and he wanted to, of course, talk about the divorce and the money. I told him that was the last thing that I was thinking about right now. He kind of insisted and said he didn’t want to take anything from me, that after all he’d done the least we deserved was to be taken care of and that I should not have to worry about money. I then took the opportunity to vent a little bit, I asked him why he did this to me, that from what I was finding out he never intended to live life as a married man, a family man. I also told him that I had never met such an immoral person in my life and I couldn’t understand how I ended up marrying him, that I couldn’t understand how I didn’t see it. I went on to tell him that I would be okay and would move on with my life, but what hurt me was the damage that was going to be done to these children who are going to be paying for something that they didn’t ask for. That I knew that the love he professed to have for them was nonexistant because out of his own mouth came the words that if he suffered as a child and survived it was now their turn, how could a person with that attitude about his children actually love them. Anyway, he didn’t argue much, he agreed that he didn’t make any effort to make the marriage work, he agreed that he was bad and he said he didn’t even understand himself why he behaved this way, why he destroyed what was good in his life. He also confirmed my suspicions that he never intended to leave the house, he planned on having his “bachelor pad” and live at home also, of course he said he bought the house just in case things didn’t work out between us, at least he’d have a place of his own…whatever. I know what that house was going to be, it was going to be where he went when he took one of his girlfriends home in order to prove that he wasn’t married.
Well the part that I don’t understand is that even as I looked at him, and told him exactly what I thought about him etc., I couldn’t help but to feel sorry for him. I wanted to hate him, to be full of rage toward him and all I felt was pity, compassion and sorrow for him. After all the damage he’s done to me and my children all I could feel was sorry. I don’t understand those feelings, like I wanted to make everything okay for him, not for me but for him. Why would I feel like that? I also didn’t say anything about Fatima, I just told him the pregnancy wasn’t going well and I prefered to be stress free at least until the baby was born, he agreed to put everything on hold until after the baby comes, I must say, I was relieved that he wasn’t being a jerk about anything, thank God.