Don't Want to See Mom in Heaven


#1

My mom abused me as a kid-physically, emotionally and sexually- and neglected me too. I've come a long way from where I started when she left my life. Back then, I hated her. I'm ashamed to admit that. Now, I really do want her to go to heaven. She's had a very rough life and has never really known happiness. Basically, she's a sad person.

My problem is that I cannot be around her her on earth. She's not safe for me. In fact, if I see her I get physically sick which is my body telling me to get out. So, when I think that when she dies she'll go to heaven and then when I die I'll see her there, I can't handle the thought. I just don't want to see her there. Is this...wrong? How do you think I can overcome this?


#2

I am so sorry for the abuse you endured. I'm sure that God is very pleased that you have forgiven your mother and that you want her to go to Heaven. It is understandable that you don't want to see her on earth, especially if she has not changed. Even if she has truly changed, it may take you a lifetime to learn to trust her again. God understands your pain and knows your heart. I would advise you not to worry about this...simply pray for your mother often. Prayer is very healing to the soul. And give your fear to God and ask Him to help you. I guarantee that if you do really see her in Heaven, you both will be cleansed of all your faults--and you will no longer be ABLE to feel the way you do now!! Isn't that awesome? In Heaven we will love everyone and everyone will love us. Don't worry about that now. Just pray for your mother and ask God to help calm your fears.


#3

[quote="dryingmywings, post:1, topic:320687"]
So, when I think that when she dies she'll go to heaven and then when I die I'll see her there, I can't handle the thought. I just don't want to see her there. Is this...wrong? How do you think I can overcome this?

[/quote]

I'm so sorry you have suffered like that. I have exactly the same feelings about some family members. I do want them to get to Heaven but not sure I want to see them there (assuming and hoping that I will get there). The way I deal with this is that I trust God. Nothing harmful can happen in Heaven. We will be completely healed from all the pain and the wounds of this life. So will these people. We will all be transformed into persons God has created us to be. So wahtever happens it will be good. Who knows, maybe we will not even remember the pain. So put your trust in God because He wants what is best for you.


#4

[quote="Contra_Mundum, post:3, topic:320687"]
I'm so sorry you have suffered like that. I have exactly the same feelings about some family members. I do want them to get to Heaven but not sure I want to see them there (assuming and hoping that I will get there). The way I deal with this is that I trust God. Nothing harmful can happen in Heaven. **We will be completely healed from all the pain and the wounds of this life. **So will these people. We will all be transformed into persons God has created us to be. So wahtever happens it will be good. **Who knows, maybe we will not even remember the pain. **So put your trust in God because He wants what is best for you.

[/quote]

I've thought about this too, and I think you are right, CM. I've often wondered if this is one of the things referred to in this verse:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there shall be no more death or mourning, wailing or pain, (for) the old order has passed away." -- Rev 21:4


#5

[quote="Veronica97, post:2, topic:320687"]
I am so sorry for the abuse you endured. I'm sure that God is very pleased that you have forgiven your mother and that you want her to go to Heaven. It is understandable that you don't want to see her on earth, especially if she has not changed. Even if she has truly changed, it may take you a lifetime to learn to trust her again. God understands your pain and knows your heart. I would advise you not to worry about this...simply pray for your mother often. Prayer is very healing to the soul. And give your fear to God and ask Him to help you. I guarantee that if you do really see her in Heaven, you both will be cleansed of all your faults--and you will no longer be ABLE to feel the way you do now!! Isn't that awesome? In Heaven we will love everyone and everyone will love us. Don't worry about that now. Just pray for your mother and ask God to help calm your fears.

[/quote]

This is a beautiful post, Veronica. :) Well said :thumbsup:


#6

Veronica97, Contra Mundum, and Morwenna, thank you all very much. Your words have given me a great deal of hope. I hadn’t thought of the fact that we will be whole and healed in heaven. Hugs to you all, and sending caring and support to all of you. :hug3:

Like you said Veronica97, wow, yes it is amazing. God can make it so that we will no longer be able to look like our past selves, and can unite what it seems would be impossible to unite. Looking at it as God’s power rather than her power is very helpful. Sweet! I will keep praying.
And like you said, Contra Mundum, God has me and He won’t let me go. I’m sorry you can relate but appreciate your words.
Morwenna, I’m going to check my Bible to see if that verse is highlighted. I love that verse. :slight_smile:


#7

[quote="dryingmywings, post:1, topic:320687"]
My mom abused me as a kid-physically, emotionally and sexually- and neglected me too. I've come a long way from where I started when she left my life. Back then, I hated her. I'm ashamed to admit that. Now, I really do want her to go to heaven. She's had a very rough life and has never really known happiness. Basically, she's a sad person.

My problem is that I cannot be around her her on earth. She's not safe for me. In fact, if I see her I get physically sick which is my body telling me to get out. So, when I think that when she dies she'll go to heaven and then when I die I'll see her there, I can't handle the thought. I just don't want to see her there. Is this...wrong? How do you think I can overcome this?

[/quote]

Heaven is a very big place. If it would truly trouble you to see her again, God will hide you from one another. Or He would take from you all feeling of fear/disgust/regret/remorse/etc. Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. If you make it to Heaven, God will take care of you. That's all that matters.


#8

[quote="dryingmywings, post:1, topic:320687"]
My mom abused me as a kid-physically, emotionally and sexually- and neglected me too. I've come a long way from where I started when she left my life. Back then, I hated her. I'm ashamed to admit that. Now, I really do want her to go to heaven. She's had a very rough life and has never really known happiness. Basically, she's a sad person.

My problem is that I cannot be around her her on earth. She's not safe for me. In fact, if I see her I get physically sick which is my body telling me to get out. So, when I think that when she dies she'll go to heaven and then when I die I'll see her there, I can't handle the thought. I just don't want to see her there. Is this...wrong? How do you think I can overcome this?

[/quote]

Getting sick at the sight of your mom is actually a healthy response to such an abusive past. It is a coping mechanism that helps you in this life. It shows that you know you do not want to ever be treated that way again! That is a sign of a healthy conscience. You know you deserve to be treated in a kind, respectful, loving manner. You deserved to have an awesome mom, who took care of you, and laughed with you, and praised you for each of your accomplishments. :) I think that is why God gave us Mary, so we can each have his loving mom. YOU ARE WORTHY OF LOVE. Even a good mom isn't always there for you. Life gets in the way! But God is always there for us!

If your mother ever makes it to Heaven, it will most likely be due to your prayers. In Heaven all her faults will have been purged. All that will remain, is the lovely woman, and mother God intended her to be for you! You will have nothing to fear ever again! I'm looking forward to that!


#9

People in Heaven are probably in such a strong ecstasy state that issues they had on Earth no longer have any significance at all.

It might be ... sort of like ... when you were poor, someone took your last $50. And then many years later, you won the lottery and have billions ... that whole event with the fifty bucks is no longer even a memory ... gone ... ... pffft! ... gone ... never happened

There is an excellent book ... A Travel Guide to Heaven ... by Anthony DeStefano.

Has numerous scriptural references.

[The imprimatur is way in the back ... which is a fun place to put it to make the book attractive to non-Catholics.]


#10

I truly sympathize with your abuse but holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head!


#11

SaintFrancis333, mm yes no matter what, God will take care of me. I had to smile when you said God could hide me away-that's kind of a cool image. I need to look at this as trusting God and knowing that He is powerful enough to keep me safe.

Regina Love, thank you very much for your post hun. It was really lovely and helpful to me. Thanks for saying I deserve those good things, and yes, they will be in heaven! :)

MonteRCMS, oooh I like that. Heaven is like winning the lottery-yeah! So in heaven, I will feel so safe and so loved and so blissfully happy and I won't feel fear, anger, sadness or any negative emotions there and there won't be any need for them. That's a lovely idea.

Robert Sock, ohhh snap I'm letting her rent space in my head! You have a good point. I'm trying to let go. I'm getting there. Thanks for the reminder and I'll keep trying to kick out my unwanted brain roommates. :bounce:

Hugs to you all and thanks very much for the help. You peeps are awesome! :flowers:


#12

Heaven is eternal happiness with God. Somehow, even if your mom is there, God will manage it so that you will be happy in Heaven.

I sometimes wonder how I would be happy in Heaven, since it would mean leaving behind, on earth, people I love.

God will make it so that I'm eternally happy. I don't know how, but He will.

He's God. :thumbsup:


#13

[quote="KCT, post:12, topic:320687"]
Heaven is eternal happiness with God. Somehow, even if your mom is there, God will manage it so that you will be happy in Heaven.

I sometimes wonder how I would be happy in Heaven, since it would mean leaving behind, on earth, people I love.

God will make it so that I'm eternally happy. I don't know how, but He will.

He's God. :thumbsup:

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#14

[quote="Robert_Sock, post:10, topic:320687"]
I truly sympathize with your abuse but holding a grudge is letting someone live rent-free in your head!

[/quote]

Hahahah I love that!

I am so going to repeat that when someone speaks of a grudge. Perfect response. :D


#15

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