Don't you feel guilty about discussing your loved ones online?


#1

I feel guilty about it sometimes, mentioning my loved ones online. It can help to have a purely observational opinion on things though.

I just keep imagining - how would that person feel to know I was discussing them online? I feel guilty about it sometimes, but then I look at other threads and think woah! Things like "I want to leave my wife..." - I think thats something that's much different to post about on rather than "considoring chastity" which I have, or "I struggle to respect my mother", purely because of the consequences of what would happen if that person did see that thread.

With my chastity threads relating to my relationship with my boyfriend for example - I feel guilty about posting them, cause its a private thing. I have discussed it with my boyfriend, he knows I have already spoken to other people about it, and he knows that I never mention his real name (I use fake abbreivations for example when referring to him on this forum) and I never use mine. He knows I have discussed it with people in Church - the lady who leads RCIA, and he's okay with that, even though I told her quite personal things about him, and she obviously knows me.

But with my mother, she doesn't know I'm posting and would probably be really offended.

So it's not so much what I'm saying because I know I'm protecting their privacy as well as mine, but the fact that I'm discussing my issues with strangers. Does this bother anyone else?


#2

For me, talking about things that bother me is the only thing that helps me feel better and this forum is the only place I can really discuss problems with family members. It is a tremendous help to come here and find comfort and advice from people going through the same struggles, and if I couldn’t do that I would feel pretty trapped.


#3

I do feel a bit uneasy but I try to be discreet (though I’ve vented a few times, I admit). Most of those of whom I speak are not people who even own computers, though, and I try to be very general.

Sometimes, it even helps me when I’m trying to be non-accusatory to see the problematic situation in a more positive light. I don’t know if that makes it more “right” or what, but like others sometimes there are situations one wants feedback on, and for whatever reason this is our main outlet for now.:shrug:


#4

Lemon, it's okay to talk about your family here. As I can see, you don't share the same values as them, and so you need to discuss your problems with people who do. Don't feel guilty about it. I do it all the time.


#5

If I am talking about my problems with my relatives and in-laws, I don't feel guilty. I need help with these relationships very badly and this is one of the few places I can discuss these matters anonymously.

As far as my husband and children go, they are usually invited to read what I say when it pertains to them. I tell them what I say online but also I tell them your responses too. I hope you don't mind.:blush:


#6

I reckon its hard to talk bout your loved ones online,but i guess its ok as long as you dont air their names out. All the folks who read your posts --specially the ones you get feedback from-- are more than willing to offer help, advice and comfort.

However, if guilt overcomes u at times, perhaps, right after typing any message--and right before you submit it-- it wud be wise to make a pause and think how you would feel if your mother, bfriend, friend, relative,etc. were posting smt about u, OR, how do ye reckon theyd feel if they were standing right behind you reading what you are about to submit about them.

Like i said, i dont think there is anything wrong bout it, but dont take your conscience for granted either.

God bless


#7

Lemonamdlime,

For me, I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help others struggling in similar situations. Like as a parent when you try to share your experiences with your children so they can learn the easy way instead of the hard way. I think sometimes it is a way of getting some good out of the bad. It somehow makes the pain I've been through more understandable if I can use it to others benefit.

It also think that someone honestly looking for advice isn't doing anything dishonorable. They are looking for help to make things better for their loved ones.


#8

Don't worry about it!

This is one of the big advantages of a site with nicknames, over facebook. I never post real issues in facebook.


#9

I don't feel bad about discussing my loved ones online. It's an anonymous place where I can get a more objective view on issues regarding my family. I wouldn't go to my best friend and tell her all about an argument that my husband and I are having, for example. But, sometimes I need someone else to give me an objective opinion on the situation, and this is a place where I can often get it.

I also think it's a great place for all of us to share our experiences. We can compare and contrast on things like parenting and family situations, and get a more Catholic perspective than we can get from other networking sites.


#10

I discuss them online but I don’t usually feel guilty about it. I guess that’s because I always try to portray them in a positive light and I try not to say anything negative about them lest I be guilty of detraction, rash judgment, calumny, or gossip.

[quote=Catechism of the Catholic Church]2475 Christ’s disciples have "put on the new man, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness."274 By “putting away falsehood,” they are to "put away all malice and all guile and insincerity and envy and all slander."275

2476 False witness and perjury. When it is made publicly, a statement contrary to the truth takes on a particular gravity. In court it becomes false witness.276 When it is under oath, it is perjury. Acts such as these contribute to condemnation of the innocent, exoneration of the guilty, or the increased punishment of the accused.277 They gravely compromise the exercise of justice and the fairness of judicial decisions.

2477 Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.278 He becomes guilty:

  • of rash judgment who, even tacitly, assumes as true, without sufficient foundation, the moral fault of a neighbor;
  • of *detraction *who, without objectively valid reason, discloses another’s faults and failings to persons who did not know them;279
  • of *calumny *who, by remarks contrary to the truth, harms the reputation of others and gives occasion for false judgments concerning them.

2478 To avoid rash judgment, everyone should be careful to interpret insofar as possible his neighbor’s thoughts, words, and deeds in a favorable way:

Every good Christian ought to be more ready to give a favorable interpretation to another’s statement than to condemn it. But if he cannot do so, let him ask how the other understands it. And if the latter understands it badly, let the former correct him with love. If that does not suffice, let the Christian try all suitable ways to bring the other to a correct interpretation so that he may be saved.280**

2479** Detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of one’s neighbor. Honor is the social witness given to human dignity, and everyone enjoys a natural right to the honor of his name and reputation and to respect. Thus, detraction and calumny offend against the virtues of justice and charity.

274 Eph 4:24.
275 Eph 4:25; 1 Pet 2:1.
276 Cf. Prov 19:9.
277 Cf. Prov 18:5.
278 Cf. CIC, can. 220.
279 Cf. Sir 21:28.
280 St. Ignatius of Loyola, Spiritual Exercises, 22.
[/quote]

SOURCE: scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#2475


#11

[quote="Holly3278, post:10, topic:224087"]
I discuss them online but I don't usually feel guilty about it. I guess that's because I always try to portray them in a positive light and I try not to say anything negative about them lest I be guilty of detraction, rash judgment, calumny, or gossip.

SOURCE: scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a8.htm#2475

[/quote]

Thanks for posting this Holly. It is a good reminder for how we post and how we respond to others as well.

I do feel badly posting about loved ones on a forum. However, I do think it depends how it is done and if you think the other person would be upset/care that you did it. For example, I know that my husband would not appreciate discussing certain private matters even if it is anonymous...so I don't.


#12

[quote="JackVk, post:4, topic:224087"]
Lemon, it's okay to talk about your family here. As I can see, you don't share the same values as them, and so you need to discuss your problems with people who do. Don't feel guilty about it. I do it all the time.

[/quote]

I don't at all have the same values as the rest of my friends and family, thats true. The closest I get is a lapsed Catholic housemate and a mother who claims to be Methodist, yet gambles and drinks (neither heavily, but I understand its very much frowned upon) and certainly neither of them have been to Church in the last 5 years.

I sometimes wish I didn't live in such a secular environment, but that would be God making things too easy for me. :p

I don't feel guilty because I don't think its okay to discuss things on here, because I'm careful to not mention names or specific places, etc and I think that it is better to discuss some things with people who don't really "know" you or the other people involved, and who have the same values as I do. I just feel guilty because I feel that I'm breaking some kind of loyalty sometimes. I know I shouldn't because theres no harm in discussing them on this forum, but I suppose its the British in me wanting to keep things behind closed doors, or some other kind of cultural belief.


#13

This is so anonymous and has people posting from all over the world so that I don't see how any of us could ever figure who you are or who your mother is. , Seems to me, this is a good place where people can openly exchange ideas.


#14

not for a second.

i talk to my friends about family problems...and they even know their names. I won't post relatives names over the internet, and thus, it makes it even more vague and safer.


#15

LemonAndLime, I feel the same way you do. I realize it is necessary for me to vent about things at times, and this is a perfect anonymous venue to do that. For instance, nobody here will give my husband the cold shoulder at the next family get-together because of something I told them. It is a safe environment to get things off my chest, to bounce ideas and thoughts off of other people. And yet... I do feel guilty. I feel I should not be talking about people I know and/or love behind their backs. Even if it isn't negative, I still feel that way. Weird. :o


#16

No different then asking for advice from "Dear Abby" or any other advice columnists in the newspapers.:thumbsup:


#17

Exactly the same as me. I think it is a safe environment for me to talk about my beliefs, discuss issues my faith has on my real life - I don’t know any Catholics well enough to approach them so it’s a good forum (pun intended) to bounce ideas and thoughts off other people, like you said.


closed #18

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.