Hello everyone, it doesn’t feel good at all to write this all down but I would really appreciate your experience and opinions. I am engaged to a nice girl, soon getting married. I have always thought that I will be full of joy when preparing to marriage one day, but now I am rather overwhelmed by doubt and worry. Before proposal, I felt quite a strong pressure from my girlfriend to the point I was sure I would either propose or we would break up. I was ridiculously confused, even cowardly “bothering” our Lord with desperate prayers for a sign. Then, I came to conclusion that it would be idiotic to lose the relationship because of doubts and I proposed. I also wanted to gain some extra time for discernment, actually.
My fiancé is really a very kind young woman and we share values and most important opinions. She is quite reasonable, open to discussion and when I say that something bothers me, she really tries to improve. However, I am starting to be lost in worries once again as the wedding is approaching.
We have been dating for almost three years and in the last year, our relationship somewhat deteriorated, even though it got better after the proposal. I think of our marriage rather in terms of work than a place to recharge batteries, as to say. I believe we can make it, but yet I am not sure whether is it really ok to be stressed about these things before wedding. Other times, I am concerned about particular aspects of our relationship. There are some unresolved tensions, e.g. where we would like to live later in life. I am a bit scared of the negative approach my fiancé sometimes takes towards life and stuff, but I guess many women like to alleviate the pressures of the day by extensive complaining. My fiancé can get way more choleric than I ever do and that is also a bit puzzling. More importantly, her dreams seem to concentrate on a nice place to live in, a beautiful home, which is of course also important to me, but at this point of life, I am rather eager to serve God and grow in my job and I do not care so much about the surroundings of such life. To make it short, I am afraid that I will not be able to provide her with a comfort she wants and that she will not be able to provide me with a support I want.
As a convert, I am now much more ardent in my faith than my craddle-catholic fiancé. When we started to date, I was a fresh convert and she used to take me to the mass and buy me books about faith, but during the time she has been losing her interest in faith and now I am sincerely afraid that without me, she could stop practicing altogether. I hope and pray this will get better.
I am sorry for a long post! Thank you so much for your opinion! If anyone prayed, I would be most grateful.