Hi, so I’m 14, and I’m a girl. I feel a lot more comfortable dressing as a boy. I often try to hide my figure as much as I possibly can to look more boyish. In fact, I’ve had struggles with eating disorders because I didn’t want to grow, Sometimes I feel like a boy, and use masculine body language, sometimes intentionally. Today I put foundation on my lips so they didn’t look so red. I really don’t want to be sinning, but I’m so uncomfortable as a girl. I’m not considering getting the FTM operation done; I don’t even consider myself transgender. Occasionally I enjoy dressing up and doing my makeup and stuff, but that’s very rare. If I do my makeup, I think I look pretty, but it’s like looking at someone else. It just doesn’t seem like me. Sometimes I wear a really tight sports bra (or even two) to hide my chest. Is it wrong to do what I do (aside from the eating disorder)? It’s hard to describe what I’m feeling. I don’t want to be living in sin, but to me, it’s legitimately terrifying to act girly. I’m so scared. I know it’s wrong to live as a transgender, and it’s scaring me. I don’t call myself transgender, gender fluid, non-binary, etc., but I’m scared I am. I have some mild gender disphoria, though maybe not as extreme as other transgender people. Is this wrong? And if it is, what can I do about it?
So you aren’t like, trying to wear clothes so you can be a boy, right?
When I was 14 I was a TOMBOY. I didn’t wear makeup, My hair was always in a pony tail and if I could have lived in softball sweats and tournament tees, I would have. I wore a bra and sports bra. I felt like by boobs got in my way, so securing them was a must! I wouldn’t be caught dead in a dress and I thought that boys had it MUCH easier. 14 is a tough age. If you feel like it is more than your body changing and not comfortable with it ( that was what was wrong with me by body was changing and I don’t do change. Lol) you might want to speak with someone. :hug1:
You should start by having a frank talk with a trusted woman in your life. Talk to her about what frightens you about becoming a woman.
You might also mention it to a health professional at your next regular checkup.
We can’t give medical advice…but be assured of our prayers.
Harming yourself is sinful. But it doesn’t seem from what you’ve said that you are doing damage to yourself. But you are female. Is there a youth minister at your church you can talk to?
As long as you understand that you are a woman, and you aren’t attempting to deceive anyone, I don’t think it is immoral to not dress or act “girly”. A lot of people have a hard time learning to be comfortable with themselves, especially in the judgmental world in which we live. The trick is to learn to be comfortable with the kind of woman you are. It doesn’t sound to me like you have committed any sin at all, however, you might want to consider seeing a priest or a Christian therapist if you become very anxious over this.
You are a precious daughter of God. That is how God willed you into beginning before He formed you in your mother’s womb.
It is a wonderful thing to be a girl. I hope you grow into it!!
God Bless You.
Maybe you are just worrying about it too much. There’s no law that says girls have to wear makeup. My wife and her sister both hardly ever wore makeup and they were quite attractive. My brother had two daughters who were rather opposites. One was a true “girly girl.” She loved girly stuff, makeup, clothing, jewewlry, (and it was all expensive!). The other daughter was totally non-girly, a techie nerdy type, no makekup. They are both married now, the techie married a fellow tech type boy, the girly girl married a southern guy, and she still likes expensive clothes, jewelry and makeup.
Not all girls are “girly” girls. If you feel more comfortable in boy’s clothes, then wear them. Besides, male clothes are often of better made quality than female clothes are. You don’t have to wear makeup, either.
I act/dress like a boy because I’m uncomfortable as a girl at times. I don’t wear tight sports bras because my boobs get in the way, it’s because I don’t like them. I used to exercise with the explicit purpose of getting rid of my already-almost-flat boobs. I’m still recovering from being borderline anorexic. I’m not sure if I’m scared of change or if I actually dislike being a girl. Like I say, sometimes I enjoy getting my nails/hair/makeup done and dressing up and acting girly, but the reason I occasionally enjoy it is because it’s almost foreign to me. It would be like a normal girl who decides to disguise herself as a boy just for fun. Well, not quite that extreme, but it’s the best example I could think of. I’m planning on seeing a therapist soon because I have other issues in addition to this. Thanks for your reply! I don’t mean to come across as ungrateful. I appreciate it.
Ok, I might try that.
Actually…I have been harming myself. I’m in competitive gymnastics, so I have like 3 hour practices on 3 days of the week. So I’d eat like 1300 calories a day, and then go burn 1000 at practice, in addition to the calories I’d burn (I dunno, about 1400?) just to carry out basic life functions. I started to see negative effects, like really bad circulation, dizziness, always being tired… I’m trying to recover but every time I start I relapse, and I just feel trapped. I know I’m female. I know I’m not a boy, but sometimes I want to be one so bad that I cry. This might just be part of growing up, I dunno. Like I say, I’m in gymnastics, so that might be a part of it. I used to be in artistic gymnastics (I’m in trampoline now), and if you’ve ever seen artistic gymnasts, they’re all short with no hips or boobs. I wanted desperately to look like that. Still do. I dunno. I’m trying to get better but it’s hard, because once you grow you can’t ever go back.
Well, that’s the thing. I don’t (usually) go out with the explicit intention of deceiving people that I’m a boy. I have done that once or twice though. However, I get really excited when people mistake me for a boy, although I may not explicitly be trying to deceive anyone. I’ve committed more sins than you know…It’s scary. This is actually about more than being uncomfortable as a girl. I’m borderline anorexic, depressed, and recently I’ve been wanting to self-harm. I haven’t cut, but I want to sometimes. I snap myself with an elastic band (really really hard) to prevent myself from doing anything worse. I’m not sure how much a part being uncomfortable as a girl plays in all of this. I always watch superhero movies and stuff like that, and I cry sometimes because I feel like I can never be like them because they’re all boys. And the girl superheroes are all really sleazy and over-sexualized. I’m not sure what I’m trying to say, I’m just sort of rambling, lol. Well thanks for replying
Thank you I know God’s will is the right way, it’s just really hard sometimes.
Ok, thanks. Makeup isn’t really a big part in all this, I was just using it as an example. But thanks
Well, you are a Girl, which is really cool,and your 14 , an age that is not always a cool year
, lots and lots of girls feel just like you are now, my step daughter is now 19 ,
I met her at age 5 , she didn’t wear a dress till last year, apart from a school uniform dress ,
She simply refused to wear one, everything was short shorts to Jeans ,
She is only now starting to even think about makeup ,
During my time on Gods earth, I’v come across lots of girls that avoided femininity,
Very boyish , I haven’t yet met one that sooner or later had not embraced being a beautiful young woman, be patient , try not to dwell on it, just be yourself, concentrate on your education and everything will fall into place when the time comes,
I just hope you have a good mother or mother figure that you can really talk to,
Because every girl needs a mom.,
What I meant to say is, I don’t think you’ve committed any sins by dressing like a boy. It sounds like you’ve got more than one issue with accepting your body. You should probably speak to your parents and get some help. I think this sort of thing is common for girls in gymnastics, where body shape and perfection is so pressurized. I hope you can get some peace!
I am over sixty years old. I never wore make-up (not even for my wedding) other than lipstick because of blue lips when it was cold, or just chapped lips. Up until my forties I only wore dresses or skirts when they were required (i.e. to church and school). Pants (NOT skin tight) are more modest than dresses or skirts. I prefer to dress modestly; I feel that is being morally responsible. Am I female? Yes. My husband of over thirty years would say “yes”. My three adult children, who were all breastfed, would say “yes”. Makeup and frilly clothes and giggling at who-knows-what do not make a girl a girl, any more than no makeup and T-shirts with jeans make a girl a boy. Be happy to be yourself.
I am so sorry. Part of the problem I see Is that you haven’t seen a good Example of true femininity, our culture has a stereotype for Girly women and strong women. I wish you knew how beautiful you are. There was a news story about a ballerina who was an amazing and talented dancer but wasn’t accepted because she didn’t have the right “frame” for it. I KNOW!!! our views of the Ideal woman are based on unrealistic ideas. To this day one of my celeb heroes has to be Xena… she was a PRINCESS… but not just any princess, a WARRIOR Princess. I used to struggle with this too, girls liked pink and wore dresses when I was a child too. I’m 23. So I’m old but not that old. I wish I had a more voluptuous body… I’m over weight and curvy in all the wrong places. I struggle with body issues too but more related to health. You are not just beautiful, you are strong. You want to do gymnastics, and not eating well is affecting you more than having a correct shape. Health is more than just how you look. If you don’t take care of your self these issues could affect you doing gymnastics period. I know you don’t want that for your self and I don’t want that for you… I want you to be happy and do something that makes you feel alive. I can tell you are really passionate about it, please don’t hinder yourself based on body ideals. You are not how you look, or dress you are much, much more than that. Because you are loved. I am not girly, sometimes I wear make up and paint my nails but sometimes its hard to up keep… lol. I know you can accomplish a lot more working with your body than against it. I can recommend a few talks that I have seen that have helped me find out femininity and accepting who I am as a woman.
THERE IS POWER IN BEING A WOMAN. Don’t forget that. Look for role models of women out there. because they exist.
the first video is a commercial for the “rejected” ballerina… she was asked to make this commercial because of her story, to inspire others that just don’t “FIT THE BILL”. These are societal standards, you don’t have to accept them. GOD loves you as you are. You are empowered as a woman in an amazing way, different from a man but not less. YOU are not less than a man, because you are a woman. YOU ARE MORE BECAUSE YOU ARE LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY BY GOD.
Girl on Fire (women’s session) – Jennifer Fulwiler
Sr. Mary Gabriel – Fearless Hearts (women’s session)
these talks aren’t lectures, they’re testimonies of people struggling to follow God. because we all do. You’re not alone.
Jason Evert: How to Save Your Marriage… Before You Meet Your Spouse
Becoming the Master of Your Own Mystery
Your sister and friend in Christ.
here is a great blog just for femininity and struggling with accepting it and learning what it is.
Ok, thank you. It’s just that I want to be a boy sometimes, not just that I don’t wear makeup and dresses. I know that God created me inherently female, but I can’t get rid of the feeling that as a girl, I can’t be who I want to be. I know this is a fallacy, but I don’t know what to do about it.
Praying for you right now! Have you you spoken with the therapist that helped you with your eating disorder concerning your anxiety? I’m so sorry you are going through this and feel alone. Have you considered backing off of competitive gymnastics for a few months, or is your skill in the sport important to your well being? If you feel more comfortable wearing clothes designed for young guys, then don’t worry what others may think, and purchase clothes you love. My main advice is to ask your parents if u you may make an appointment with a true professional psychologist or psychiatrist that specializes in helping adolescents and is not a lay person (medically speaking). Please enjoy being young! You are a very well written young person and have much to offer our world!
I’ve never seen a therapist before. I’m considering seeing one though, as depression gets worse. I don’t think I could stay away from gymnastics if I tried. I have a hard time staying out of it even if I’m injured. It’s funny, gymnastics is my escape, but it’s one of the things that messed me up in the first place. But thanks!