Dumped for beliefs


#1

After being dumped by an evangelical protestant girlfriend for being Catholic, and after 5 months of discussion and debate and conversation about faith and our differences, at what point do I accept that she is not changing her mind and stop entertaining the hope of her converting or reconciling? I would never call conversion false hope, but she has told me that her intentions have not led her to Catholicism and she is not in the process of such a change toward it, despite myself thinking she may have been. Defending the faith is important, but at some point do you just go separate ways? We broke up 5 months ago, and it feels like being dumped again; do I just sever communication?


#2

Right now. I realize this is painful, sorry about that. However, she is being honest about her position and is saving you a world of hurt in the future if you two actually attempted a marriage. I’m assuming she would have difficulty with your practicing and raising your children in the faith. Is that so?


#3

I would think that at the time she explained to you her stance and “broke up” with you would have been the moment you moved on. Since you didn’t, and are now 5 months into debating with no movement on her part-- I would say NOW is the time you move on.

You should consider yourself lucky that she was this self-aware, clear on her goals and dealbreakers, and chose to end it rather than limp along with false hope for either party.

Yes, now would be that time.

If you do not believe you can continue to communicate without hurt and desire for more on your part, yes.


#4

That is/was both of our concern. Between the time we broke up (where she knew I would require things like raising and baptizing children Catholic if we ever married) and now, we have engaged in much debate and many happy conversations also. Tears and laughs both. I thought that, through a new understanding of the Eucharist, she was starting to open her mind and heart and really seriously question her faith. On this issue, I felt that she was really left speechless as perhaps she is discovering a truth she never knew.

She revealed to me now, though, that in reading some books I gave her, etc., she was not honestly intending to consider conversion to Catholicism, and that I should know that she is not in that process or on that path now. I felt that I had a duty to defend my faith everytime she presented disagreements, and to try to clarify why I believe what I believe, but it was not helping her change like I thought I had seen.

If there is any blessing, it is because of her that I have done so much reading and research, and spent many hours on this site and others; she actually saved my faith in that way.


#5

We don’t know all of the reasons people float in and out of our lives. In this case, I would consider this a blessing also, that she let you go. Because it seems that this might be a thorn in your side, dating a person who objects to your faith, or at the least, doesn’t see herself converting. I think that in time, you’ll see this was for the best, if you ask me. :o


#6

Does she not agree to raise the children Catholic, or is the issue that she won’t convert and you’ve made that a condition of marriage?


#7

Pray for her, leave her in God’s hands.

Find a Catholic girl!


#8

She would object to raising kids Catholic when she feels it contradicts her beliefs. I understand this, but can’t yield on it.

I never made conversion a condition of marriage, but she may have seen it as equivalent: Basically I say that any kids would have to be raised in the Catholic Church for me to be properly living my faith, and she would say that she would have to raise kids by telling them everything she believes to be true. So in short, her reconciling to a mixed marriage would compromise the way she wants to raise kids, or else, yes, she’d indeed be converting.

I see where the church allows for this, that as long as she doesn’t inhibit my every effort to raise them as Catholic, she doesn’t have to contribute to teaching them what she doesn’t believe (yet I would), but we see this as an impossibility. Nor would I want her to be passive to my raising of any kids in the Church. Our interests directly conflict, and we know this, so conversion would be the only feasible path by which we could reconcile.


#9

Then if you feel that her beliefs will inhibit your ability to raise the kids Catholic, then there really isn’t a question, is there?

I don’t subscribe to the policy that all mixed marriages are inherently wrong (as some on here do); however, if the beliefs are different enough to inhibit the development of the children, then the relationship doesn’t work.


#10

Jeff,

Don’t be ridiculous, there are hundreds, thousands, no - tens of thousands of good Catholic girls out there, looking for a decent and sincere Catholic boy. Try not to sit on the bench to long and DON’T disappoint all those girls. Get out there and find them.:wink:


#11

My original question was more along the lines of meaning: when she (may or may not) continue to try to have faith discussions with me but with no intention of considering Catholicism for herself, do I just go my own way and stop the ‘debates’.

I think I have had that question answered and I thank you all.


#12

Someday, when you meet the woman who will become your wife, it will become more clear why God put this relationship in your life.


#13

Wow! Very well said!


#14

Amen to that!!

When I was younger, around age 17 and 18 I was dating a guy that wasn’t Catholic. His
mother talked him out of seeing me anymore. We really enjoyed one anothers company and had
similar interest. He didn’t agree with his mother, or her beliefs, but he, being a young man
who respected her and loved her, didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want to hurt me either,
but he didn’t have to live with me and I wasn’t his mother…

Eventually we both married other Catholics, yes, he married a Catholic. I have great joy
in knowing that. He even converted. Their children were Baptized and raised in the Catholic
faith.

Apparently, my beliefs and my morals were very attractive to him and that is why he choose
to start again dating Catholics once he left home. He did try to look me up again then, but
I was already married and had one child at that time. He had stayed home and gone to a
College close to his home and he told me then that his mother had told him that if he
continued seeing me that she would not pay for his education. That was very important
to him at that time. That was the last time we spoke, but one of my sisters told me about
his marriage as she had run into his mother once and found out about his marriage. She said
that his mother seemed very pleased that he had married a Catholic woman, maybe she was on
the way to her own conversion?? God only knows, as neither of us had any contact with either
of them since then.

Just pray for her and let her go, one never knows, she may at some future point in her life
start to remember all that you have given her to think over and read and then only God knows
what may happen.

God works in mysterious ways, His wonders to behold!!


#15

*Good for you, for not ‘yielding’ on it. While interfaith marriages CAN work, if you are in a relationship with someone who has very strong views about their faith, and you, yours–it will be a tough road to hoe, in my opinion. Never compromise your values and faith beliefs for a woman. I’m sure it hurts though, it sounds like you both were in love? *


#16

The thing is that it is not really our job to convert someone. We plant seeds, we explain, we live the gospel. It is the Holy Spirit’s job to convert someone. Maybe it’s time for you to get out of the way and let him do his job. I understand the hurt and loss.


#17

I totally agree! I dated a non-catholic guy for a couple of years and when we broke up, it made me realize how important it was to me to marry a catholic. I met my husband just a couple of months later. Good luck to you! If you find talking with your ex-girlfriend hurtful, I would discontinue communicating with her.


#18

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.