Ejaculation control issues for NFP husbands

As a downside for me as a husband who has practiced NFP with my wife, I have noticed that after the charted periods of abstinence, I have less “control” over my ejaculations than during the periods before we began NFP. It seems that after a few weeks of no sex (or even longer, depending on circumstances), when we do finally engage in intercourse, I hardly need any foreplay in order to climax :blush:. On one occasion, I even had an unintended “oops” moment, where I wasn’t even able to complete the act inside my wife. After these periods of abstinence - not surprisingly- I’m ready to jump my wife, and let’s say the sight of her in very little clothing gets me pretty excited and quickens the process a lot faster than either of us would like. Before NFP, I was very good about control, so I trace it back to abstinence.

I obviously don’t do porn or masturbation, so after the abstinence periods, I don’t have a lot of control and am too ready to have relations. The quick releases interrupt our intimacy, for sure. Any others out there who have found this issue a result of NFP? Not in any way knocking NFP, btw.

Does this just happen once a month - as you’re moving into the infertile phase - and then become more “normal” once a regular timeframe is reestablished? Or does it continue to happen throughout the entire infertile phase?

I don’t see a problem with it happening the first one or two times as you enter the infertile phase… there are ways to show your intimacy with your wife AFTER (as in, within the same session/timeframe) you have finished. There aren’t any specific rules on who finishes first, if you understand what I mean???

My tip: think about baseball or Hillary Clinton.

I’m not sure if thinking about another woman is wrong in that context so maybe just stick with baseball.

Yep, me, too. Doesn’t get better over time.

Em_In_FL, thanks for responding. Yes it gets better as we have intercourse more often during the infertile period, but by that time, it’s time to abstain again. It’s just a bit deflating to wait so many days and weeks, and then have this happen because we’d been away from intercourse for a long period. I know that there are other ways to pleasure my wife, but actual intercourse brings a great deal of satisfaction to her, and of course when ejaculation happens too soon, it’s disappointing for her that its over so quickly. But again, it does get better with practice. I would say this is certainly a downside to abstaining, but abstinence is good. :wink:

My husband did the exact same thing when we used to have sex, except maybe worse, because he’s had way more than just one “oops” moment before anything even begins. I don’t really have any suggestions (from what I’ve read there is nothing you can do about it that is Church-approved), but I want you to know you’re definitely not alone!

Have you tried thinking about baseball??

Alcohol might help too. I’m not suggesting getting drunk, but having a few might help desensitize you some and help you last longer. Just a suggestion.

Well done for having the courage to raise what I know is a problem many couples suffer.

It should’s so romantic a honeymoon every month but for many of us the reality is very different and I agree there doesn’t seem any way to improve things which is okay for us to do.

The book “Holy Sex” by Greg Popcak has some info.

It’s embarrassing, but I have this issue as well.

I’ve tried a lot of things including numbing creams but to no avail. First time after a long break between will be a bummer for both of us, that’s just the way it is. However, it has helped me figure out how to please her other ways so that my problem is less of a problem for her. I get little enjoyment myself when this happens because it’s so brief but I do my best to make it enjoyable for my wife.

The other issue is having kids who get night terrors frequently and thus they end up in bed with us, paired with a busy work schedule and frequency can sometimes be sparse, NFP or not.

So, there are extended periods of time where I have this issue but it improves quickly with regular relations.

This is a real test of my faith because I know if I just took care of business myself from time to time during in active times, my wife and I would probably have more enjoyable relations. However, I know it’s a sin, so I can do it, no matter how much better it could make relations.

Luckily my wife is very understanding and does enjoy the other things I do and that it means so much to me that she is enjoying it even if I don’t get much physical enjoyment myself.

Sorry you aren’t intimate with your husband anymore. :frowning:

Thanks Mary Gail, I’ve seen lots of people advertise this book on CAF; guess I should check it out!

I guess this is a pretty normal “problem”, for which you may have a wide variety of solutions. Personally, we’ve found that keeping our expectations low for this “first time since long” has helped us. This means we either

  • have this “first time” as soon as possible in the infertile time, even at a time when circumstances are not great (it’s late at night, we only have little time ahead of us,…etc), enjoy just the fact of “being back together” and then truly arrange for a romantic, longer 2nd time as soon as possible
  • have 1st and 2nd time very close to each other : when DH is quite fit, just chatting and kissing for as long as it takes for him to recover, and then we really start to be “serious” about it:o
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